Couldnt handle No Contact, What do you think about this

[Bizw]

Hello Everyone, I've been posting quite often but I'll try and sum up my situation as quick as possible.

 

My girlfriend of five years broke up with about 2 weeks ago. She has always wanted a close group of girlfriends and has never been able to have them with me. She couldnt become part of the "group" because she was with me too often. This was causing a lot of tension in our relationship which effected it in all aspects. Shes 21yrs old and I know it's important for a girl or anyone for that matter to have close friends. I want her to have this. It was always diffucult because I was insecure about her drinking and going to bars because shes very outgoing and attractive. I tried to hold my feelings in, but you could tell I didnt enjoy her going out drinking I'm sure. Not wanting to deal with feeling restricted or hurting me she decided I had to go.

 

In the past two weeks I've tried no contact, this is what has happened so far.

-Shes been out with her friends everynight, two times she was up until 6:00am drinking with her girlfriends and some guys from a basketball team that she says are fun and attractive. Although she has called every night a couple of times while she was hanging out with them.

 

-When I didnt answer my phone and she wasnt with her friends she would call over and over, 50 times one night. She has told me that she still loves me and that she wants to still see eachother.

 

-Finally last night she told me that shes flirted with some of the guys and doesnt like any of them specifacally, but she finds them attractive in general. She told me that she feels like she doesnt know me anymore because I havent let her stop be my new apartment. I seem like a voice on a phone and thats it.

 

Today I couldnt handle it anymore, I stopped by her house unannounced expecting her to not answer when she saw me but I had to try.

I walked in, we hugged, she was happy to see me. I told her that I couldnt do this to myself anymore, I couldnt handle being on a emotional rollercoaster. She needed to make up her mind, not call me and tell me she loves me but we can't be together. I told her I can't wait around for her to make up her mind, while she moves on.

 

Heres what she said, I love you and I want to marry you someday. But I wish there were two of me, because I'm finally one of the girls, and I've never had that before and I don't want to go back to the old me. I want to be with you but I'm afraid things will go back to how they were. I don't trust that they won't. I told her okay I'm going to go then, you've told me what I needed to hear. She told me to stay. So she goes onto to say that she wants to be able to spend a weekend with her friends whenever she wants and doesnt want to have to worry about me feeling like I'm not getting enough of her time.

 

My response and my true feelings inside are that she doesnt have to chose between me and her friends. I can handle not being with her all the time. I have my own life, and have been meeting many new people since I moved back down by the college. I think her and friends would enjoy coming over and hanging out with my roommates. I never had good friends before that her friends would have liked, I was hanging out with druggies that her friends and her did not like and my old friends werent the most social people and her and her friends are very extroverted. Now I have good friends that make me feel good and are fun to hang out with. I want her to see the "real" me and I've never gotten to be that because of the friends that I had from high school were the only people that I knew until now . I feel more self-confident and am more outgoing. I want her to see this because thats the person that shes always wanted and the person I really am. But she left me before I could.

 

Do you think it's possible for her to come back to me if I can truly give her freedom. I know I have to be content with it inside and not just do it to get her back. She told me that she'd like to meet my new roommates and come over tomorrow and then again with her friends another day. She wants to see whats changed because she still has feelings for me but she doesnt want to jump back in to fast.

 

I want her to have close friends that she can spend time with, I also want to be important to her also. I think if our relationship was stable I would have no problem with hanging out with her friends as long as she has a day or two for me. I am worried that her expectations are going to be so high because she has so much fun with her friends without me. If they come over and don't have a blast I worry that she'll see it as a faliure. W

 

My question is what should I do. I can't play games anymore. I would love to have an easy going realtionship with her and I think it's possible if we're both happy. Do you think this could work or do you think over time she'll grow farther apart and start dating someone that her friends already hang out with because the guy is already accepted by her friends. I really want this to work and believe it could, but I don't want to fool myself so I need an outside opinion.

 

I have two choices let her into my new life with my new friends and see how it goes or cut off all contact with her. I can't continue to talk to her if theres no hope of it working, thats just extending the heartache. Do you see hope, I know theres no gaurentees but do you think it's worth a shot. Or am I just fooling myself thinking that she'll grow closer rather that farther. I know shes already started talking to other guys on the phone and at the parties so I think I need to decide if I'm going to let her into my new life or keep her out so I dont have memorys of her with my new friends or at my new apartment.

 

If you had to predict what would happen if we start seeing eachother again what would your best guess be.

[ReadyorNot]

I just want to tell you something... Im almost in the same situation.. I have been with my bf for 4.5 years and he is going on how he needs space.. he sees me way too much and he just wants to be able to not see me for one night without me getting upset...

 

So I guess we broke up.. but he says its not permanent just give him some space... he calls about twice a week to hang out.. he also tells me how much he loves me and acts like are still together when I see him.. just without the TITLE of BF/GF.....this has only been going on for two weeks now... Its happened before so I am sure things will work out but part of me is scared they wont...

 

I have told him too that I will give him all the space he needs.. he can go out with his friends all he wantss... but then after.. when I am home and thinking about it.. WHY SHOULD I SAY THAT???? I think its fine for sure to have at least one night apart a week... BUT is that fair to me to allow him to just not see me for an entire weekend or an entire week just so he can go out and party? NO cause I want to see my bf every day.. I dont get sick of him.. I just love being with him.. but he obviously needs more space..

 

What Im saying is that Im sure there is someone out there who would want to see me all the time too.... I think I should pack up and move on to find that special guy... Its just not fair... There is nothing wrong with spending time with friends a few times a week... but I feel a majority of the time should be spent with the bf/gf

 

If your gf (ex) agreed to work things out as long as she could go out with friends anytime and all the time.. you would regret that sooner or later and be very unhappy....For the first little while you would just be happy to have her back.. but that happiness wouldnt last for you

[shademan]

Is a relationship something that can be broken and meded ?

 

I'm just stating an opinion not advice , i would let go beacause it takes two to build a relationship and if one of you both broke it , it's beacause he just gave up to life and couldn't accept the challenge and fight the constant consipiracy we are living in so just let go beacause your beloved already had .....

 

what a sad race we are .

[Bizw]

My main question is am she just keeping me around until she finds someone that she likes better. Because we're not actually going to be commited which leaves her the oppurtunity to meet other guys without feeling held back. Shes been hanging out with some attractive guys and I find it hard to believe that shes going to get her needs met by someone that her friends already approve of.

[Shady_Forever]

your lucky you still have contact!!!!

[rich46]

your lucky you still have contact!!!!

No he's not. It is a lot easier having no contact, rather than having an ex who repeatedly calls you, but has no intentions of getting back together.

[AlluraSCB]

It's ironic how many people are in similar situations. I think the number one thing to remember is that you are you. Do what you want and start leaving others out of the picture in matters of the heart. I'm not saying to be selfish and only think of your needs. But when love is involved you really need to be a bit selfish because love makes us vunerable and makes us give and give until we're all out. Then we don't even have enough left for ourselves and that's when we feel the need for the person we just lost. . . . catch 22