Is he confused???

[CocoaBean]

Abitbroken- I do agree with a lot of what you have to say. I need time to think. I avoided him at work today, did my job and we spoke when needed to about work. He wanted to break up. We are not together, and I should treat him as such. It is best for both of us.

 

I realize if we were to get back together and marriage/kids were never on the table I would have to be happy with that. I would not want to resent him, or be unhappy myself with the decision. No sense diving back in just to hurt each other again.

 

I have been doing a lot better. It still hurts, but I don't feel the need to reach out to him like I did in the beginning of the break up. I do still love him. But I do want to "move forward." It is hard to do that when you are still in love with someone, but I have to. He broke up with me which does tell me he doesn't want to be with me. I need to focus on that. I believe he shows signs that he is still interested, but I realize that doesn't mean he wants a relationship. If/when he ever does, he will actually TELL me.

[abitbroken]

It is good that you are only talking about work. If I were in your shoes, I would find another job. But maybe I am different like that. I think he cares for you and is hoping you will have sex with him. And like I say - its not about you waiting for if/when - you make up your own mind as well.

 

I think that is extremely sensible of you to not want to grow to resent him if you just accepted things. You would be back on here in a couple years regretting things like I do.

 

Maybe I have been harsh, but it is coming from a very good place. I might not ever have children now. I am with a wonderful man, but I am getting older, of course. I wasted a lot of years with someone and just adjusted and adjusted. The benefit you have is that you were older when you met this guy than when I met my ex and I was at the age where I wasn't even thinking about kids/marriage because I didn't feel grown up and its not anything I wanted at that precise age - I thought it was good to have a boyfriend who wouldn't pressure me to do it when I was so young. but having a guy who wants it not yet is a far cry from what he was - someone who didn't want it ever. If I would have met him at 30, I bet I wouldn't have dated him long at all.

[CocoaBean]

I really do want to be with him. I would like to take things slow and date each other again. While still working on myself, and hopefully have a better relationship. I really don't feel that I "need" him in my life. But he does bring a lot of joy to my life. I hope he continues to work on himself too.

 

I realize that I do need to think long and hard, and I have been. I'm really not worried about the kids thing. I believe I don't need them in my life to be happy. Marriage is another story. I am trying to figure out if I can be happy without the commitment. So many end up in divorce now days, is it practical? Is wanting to gt married have to do with a control issue. Looking back I wish I could have stepped outside the situation before and realized how much we really love each other. He did little things for me to show me, but I was so focused on what wasn't happening I couldn't let myself see that he was showing me, why do I need the piece of paper to "prove" that. Does it really prove anything?

 

If it were to happen we would have to discuss that that is what we both wanted. A commitment to each other, without the marriage. Oddly enough I believe we had that, but I couldn't step outside myself to see it. Soul searching still.