How to deal with this?

[pumpkinmoon]

I am in a bit of an awkward situation here. Basically trying to work out it this is 'normal' behaviour (I don't think it is) and if not, what would be the reason for this and for a person to behave this way.

 

Long story short, had some bad news regarding my mother's health. BF been very unsupportive. We were going through a 'weird' time where he was accusing me of not paying him any attention. This has now been going on for 3 weeks, and also my mother has been in the hospital for three weeks also. He knows some of what has been going on but not all as I don't feel I can or even want to be able to talk to him about it anymore.

 

Although we were in 'limbo' he would message me as normal most days, as if everything was fine, even though a couple of weeks ago I told him we needed to talk and sort things out or end things. Last weekend he asked me to go to his but I declined as I was busy taking care of my mother at the hospital but I just told him that we were meant to talk and we haven't yet so it feels like nothing has been resolved.

 

Intermittently, he has been trying to spark up rude conversations which I am not having any part in. After a conversation about what we were going to do, one where I actually felt like I was on trial, we decided to try again. Now it seems like he thinks everything is fine, when I don't feel it is at all.

 

He has little to no idea what is going on with my mother atm. And I am astounded at the next part. Last night he was again trying to talk rude and talk about sexual things. Granted we probably haven't had sex in about a month and half so in one way I can understand, but now really isn't the time. It is the furthest thing from my mind. So I told him that I need to talk to him. That it isn't to do with him or the sex, and that I just couldn't talk about sex right now and not engage in various things that he likes. He asked me why so I basically told him that since we started having this issue 3 weeks ago, that my mother has been in hospital since then and it feels bad to talk about it.

 

Now, he said he understood and that there are 'other things we can do' for a while. I assume he means just general sex. Something which I don't think I can do right now, but not being able to do this worries me as we have just decided to try again and one of the issues he has is that I wasn't intimate enough and didn't show him enough affection.

 

What bothers me the most, is that when I told him she was still in the hospital, he still didn't ask how she was, what for, how I am or anything about it. All he did was say he understood and went on to say about other stuff we could do. I was pretty much astounded and still angry anyway over the fact that he hasn't asked how she is, or how I am or anything of that nature in the 3 weeks since all this began.

 

I think a normal response to any news like that would be, 'oh I didn't know she was still in hospital, how is she?' or anything.

 

I just don't understand and I really don't know what to do.

[SpottiOtti]

 

 

This is a thread you posted awhile back about pretty much the same thing. It sounds like you are still having the same issues with this guy. He seems to be unable to comprehend what you need right now or to offer support for it. Obviously that's not something that's going to change. I know it sucks breaking up with someone, especially with everything else that's going on. But it sounds like dealing with this guy is adding stress to your already stressful situation.

[pumpkinmoon]

I guess I just cannot comprehend it all, his behaviour towards it. I don't know of a single person who would act this way. I just can't get my head around the fact that if someone knew someone's mother was in hospital and had been for weeks, that they wouldn't even enquire about their well being. It really doesn't make sense to me at all.

[Ms Darcy]

Let me ask you ... do you have a tendency to stick around in dead-end dating situations or relationships?

 

How long have you been dating this guy?

 

How old are you?

 

Are you interested in marriage and kids?