I never know what to say

[ShroudedSorrow24]

I'm not good with words and I never have been... My g/f's friend passed away today and all I want to do is comfort her but I dont have any idea what to say and it makes me feel like crap.... I guess what i'm askin for is if anybody has been in this situation and has any tips?

[tiger_lilies]

Gosh, I am so sorry for your g/f's loss. I hope to never find myself in her position since I too have a close friend who is severly ill and suicidal too.

 

My suggestion is just to be there for her of course. You can't say anything that will change anything, nor necassarily make it better for her to cope. If you or your g/f are religious, then that certainly helps to know that the friend is in a better place.

 

Be there to hold her when she needs you. Give her time to grieve and make sure that you listen to whatever she needs to get off her chest. I'm glad that you are there for support for her.

[San123]

I don't think you need to worry about having the right things to say as long as you are there for her, to hold and comfort her and everything... that will mean A LOT more than anything you say.

[DBL]

I'm not too good at the death situation myself.

 

Just be there to comfort her, ask her what you can do to make her more comfortable. Make sure you get something for her friends family...like a plant or something. Wouldn't hurt to get your girlfriend a littlle something too. Like a nice picture frame that she can put a photo of her friend in. Or better yet...put the photo in there for her and give it to her. I had done this with my x's grandmother. I got a pretty good response from her and her family for it.

 

Good Luck

DBL

[Dubz]

im sorry for ur g/f's loss, sometimes its helps just being around just to show that u are there if she does want to talk about it, sometime people think that they are the only ones feeling what their feeling but tell ur g/f that she is not alone, sometimes that helps people feel easier and more able to talk about things.

[PhoenixInATL]

It is awkward to feel like you don't know what to say. At those moments, just squeeze her tightly, and she'll know all the words you find hard to say.

[imagi]

Letting her know that you are there for her might be enough right now. Sometimes saying this is over rated. I don't know anything about your girlfriend, but last year my best friend died suddenly. My boyfriend didn't handle the situation very well, and was trying way too hard to force conversation. I remember that all I really needed was for someone to be there with me so that I knew I wasn't alone. At the time talking wasn't a good thing.. I just.. needed someone to be around me. He finally clued in within a couple of days, and the only thing that really stuck out for me was that he ended up ditching class to make sure I was okay.. and he brought me a flower.

 

Sorry, off topic. My advice would be just.. to make sure that whatever you do is in tune with the cues that she's giving you. If she wants to talk.. she'll give you direction about where to take the conversation. She'll know what she can talk about and can't right now.

[Jadey]

^ Good advice.

 

I lost my twin brother a year ago in June. I can tell you the MOST important thing isto not push her to do ANYTHING. She may well not want to talk, she may want to cry, she may want to scream, sleep, stare into space. Ask her if she wants to talk. If she doesnt do not preassure her. I know people think that talking is the best way but honestly somtimes in the early stages its not. let her know oyure here for her when she does want to talk. And when she wants to cry, scream, sleep, be there with her then too. Knowing someone is there and not just to talk is brilliant. Just hold her even if youe both sitting in silence. Let her basically direct YOU not the other way round. Write her a nice little poem or card or soemthing..Thatd be sweet

 

Good Luck!