How far does trust in relationships go?....

[flyerfan6656]

If trust is important in relationships, and you trust your bf/gf with everything in you, does that mean that they can do w.e they want, or are there certain things that couples shouldn't do in relationships...?

[pumpkinmoon]

in my opinion noone should be doing anything that they wouldn't openly do in front of the person they are in a relationship with.

[Capricorn3]

in my opinion noone should be doing anything that they wouldn't openly do in front of the person they are in a relationship with.

Agreed. That's what it all boils down to. Also, without trust, you have nothing and it will never work (imo).

[flyerfan6656]

in my opinion noone should be doing anything that they wouldn't openly do in front of the person they are in a relationship with.

 

what do you mean by that?

[pumpkinmoon]

Exactly what it says really. Not doing things behind your partner's back that you know they wouldn't like or would find offensive. If you wouldn't flirt playfully in front of your partner, then don't do it while they are not there either for example.

[flyerfan6656]

Exactly what it says really. Not doing things behind your partner's back that you know they wouldn't like or would find offensive. If you wouldn't flirt playfully in front of your partner, then don't do it while they are not there either for example.

well what i was trying to get at is..if you TRUST your partner, as long as they arent hooking up with anyone else, then it shouldnt matter, and if it does matter, then there is no trust.

[pumpkinmoon]

well what i was trying to get at is..if you TRUST your partner, as long as they arent hooking up with anyone else, then it shouldnt matter, and if it does matter, then there is no trust.

 

It's not really a question of just trust. It's about boundaries and being respectful of your partner. I assume when you say hooking up you mean sex, so in that case are you saying that it is ok to have a girl sat on your lap at a bar for instance as long as you don't do anything?

[flyerfan6656]

It's not really a question of just trust. It's about boundaries and being respectful of your partner. I assume when you say hooking up you mean sex, so in that case are you saying that it is ok to have a girl sat on your lap at a bar for instance as long as you don't do anything?

my example would be if your gf said she was going to a movie with another guy, so when she asked you about and you say "no" doesn't that mean you dont trust her?

[pumpkinmoon]

It depends who this guy is. A friend of yours also? Someone she has been friends with for years but has no romantic past with whatsoever? Someone she dated previously?

[stranger88]

I agree about the boundaries thing.

 

People say as long as no cheating is occurring its fine, like thats the line. But the question is what is the cheating?

 

Ive always felt that the more your partner does to 'push' the boundaries (Close friends with guys that are keen, going out regularly and acting in quite a drunk state etc) the harder it is to have ultimate trust in them and this is when it all starts to fall apart.

 

So despite the fact that you trust them, the more they push you the less you trust them the more unhappy they are the less trustworthy they are.

 

I think its always a positive thing to have strong boundaries in a relationship as long as both parties want the same thing. Its also a compatibility issue what exactly these boundaries mean.

[pumpkinmoon]

Yes and it also boils down to not putting yourself in situations where temptation may arise.

[Fudgie]

As long as my partner doesn't violate the boundaries that we've agreed upon, I have no issue trusting him.

 

As for temptation, I think it is always around. You can't eliminate it unless you stay inside 24/7 and don't have TV, Internet, phone, or friends. You can't avoid it. But with proper boundaries it's not a big deal

[LonelyGirl10]

I don't think it's a trust issue, I think it's a boundaries and compatibility issue.

 

For example, my prior ex always said that if I trusted him completely, then I had nothing to worry about. BUT, here's the thing. I trusted him 100% to not cross any lines that he felt was inappropriate. However, I did not trust him to not cross lines that I thought was inappropriate. We had different viewpoints on what was okay and not okay. Like, he thought that going to strip clubs was perfectly okay because he would never cheat on me by kissing the stripper. I trusted 100% that he wouldn't kiss the stripper, but I also had a big problem with naked women dancing on his lap. So, I didn't trust him to not go to a strip club because he didn't see anything wrong with it.

 

Does that make sense?

[HeatherB]

You don't use trust as a weapon. "Why shouldn't I go naked baby oil wrestling with the local rugby team, hon? Don't you trust me?"

 

You trust the person because you know from experience that they are honorable and keep their word. If they gave their word not to have sex or cheat or dirty dance or whatever with the opposite sex, experience tells you they won't. That means it's super important to talk about what you both agree to avoid doing. In detail, with specifics. Misunderstanding via assumption in this particular area can have devastating consequences.

 

Just as important is to remember that you don't "let" other people do things. They have free agency over their actions, and you can't stop a cheater from cheating. Trust is taking the gamble that they will choose to act in a way that will allow you to stay in a relationship with them. Trust is recognizing that you don't have control over them.