5th day of no contact and I had to start taking anti depressents

[hillbilly]

I am on the 5th day of no contact and I finally couldn't cope no more and went and got a prescription for anti depressandts. I would take cocaine or whatever if I knew it would cause my pain to go away. I have never loved someone so much and I have never hurt this bad over someone. I am an absolute mess. I don't know what to do where to turn and how to stop this pain. It is affecting me in every realm of my life. I can't stop playing in my head her saying "I don't know if I can get back with you right now cause what if I have feelings for him" That plays like a broken record over and over and over in my head. I have known this woman for 18 years before we started dating for 2 years and I would have never dreamed she would have hurt me like this. I am DEVASTATED and all I want is for her to come back and tell me she made a mistake. I am sorry if that is wrong but that is what I want to hear. She obviously don't miss me and I wonder if she really thinks about me or us. I mean our relationship was good how could she not at least weigh it against the one she is wanting to pursue. I no no contact is about healing but I really want NC to eventually make her miss me and to evaluate what we had after a while. I want her to wonder what I am doing and what I am up to since I haven't been chasing her and I want her to miss me and wonder if she has made a mistake. She said 5 days ago that I was right she was probably making a big mistake.

 

I just don't know if its possible for anyone to have love a person as much as I love her. I mean I have loved her for 18 years before I ever finally got in a relationship with her. Why do people get confused and how can someone hurt me this bad? I am 48 and I really don't care and never plan to be in another relationship cause she was all I have ever wanted since I laid eyes on her and I have had the best and I can tell you that no one in this world as far as I am concerned could ever replace her. I am not just saying that cause I am hurt I am saying that because its the god's honest truth.

 

I hate this NC stuff and I hate myself for loving her and needing her this much. Its like I wanna just text her and say look you have destroyed me and took away everything inside of me and totally ruined me when I loved you so much that I would have given my life for you. But I know I can't cause she knows how to get a hold of me if she wants and I don't wanna ruin any future chance at getting back with her. I know I am dumb and I accept it. I am pathetic and stupid for loving her like this. I was so happy with her cause she was the person that I have always wanted and longed for and when I finally got her I was complete. 100% complete. Now I don't even want to live! UGH!

[Liberty1]

sorry to read that post it sounds like you are really heart broken.. Ive been there and its horrendous..

Try to continue with NC as hard as it is and reframe from sending that text...If your looking to receive those things from her like i miss you and i made a mistake her realising who she lost is best way to achieve that.. And she can only realise who she lost by you actually being lost..

Well done for reaching 5 days keep going and hopefully she will give you the closure you need.. Its always the way for me as soon as you move on they reach out and tell the things you need hear but its always to late.. And thats power to you

Goodluck

[rosasnyder811]

If you are using NC as a means to get her back, prepare to lose her forever. Playing mind games with someone who is already unsure about you is just going to drive them further away-especially if they are seeing someone else.

 

If you don't want anything to do with her ever again, by all means, go NC.

[thebigman]

If you are using NC as a means to get her back, prepare to lose her forever. Playing mind games with someone who is already unsure about you is just going to drive them further away-especially if they are seeing someone else.

 

If you don't want anything to do with her ever again, by all means, go NC.

 

i disagree. hillbilly is obviously in a massive state of shock and huge amounts of pain right now. any contact he makes with her he will crumble and make things worse. perhaps not NC forever but certainly until he gets a grip on his emotions. it wasnt until i went NC that i made any progress with my ex and i was in just as bad a state as he seems to be. heal then maybe reconnect if you feel you can handle it, not chase her away sobbing. stay strong and try and pick up the pieces and then if you feel you can speak to her without breaking down then reach out to talk. NC is definitely necessary in your current emotional state.

[Liberty1]

Using NC to get someone back never makes sense to me... Its easy to lose someone that way.. Dont think of NC as some sort of game play other wise ur never be able to move forward... u will constantly be thinking whether they are gonna call and when they dont it will set you back..

NC for me is about getting through a break up with some dignity n reaching a point of no longing caring if they contact you or not...

In my experience once you let go and find contentment with yourself, if your owed some closure you naturally get it.

[hillbilly]

The reason I went no contact with her is cause I sent her three texts in one day and she ignored all three of them. We had a 2.5 hour phone conversation the night before and talked about a lot of stuff and she admitted that she is confused as to whether or not she has feelings for her married friend. I thought you know I sent her three texts in one day and she ignored them all and I have never heard from her agin and its been 5 days. She has been saying she needs space so I am giving it to her. Whats the point to text her when she ignore the last three in one day and sicne hasn't contacted me? She knows how to get a hold of me and its obvious that she doesn't want to. IDK what else to do but let her figure it out. I feel like I can do no more. She told me she loved me and missed me lots on the phone but obviously its not anough or I would hear from her. She use to reach out but she isn't even doing that now. Its hard but I have to go NC at this point because I am devastated number one and number 2 she thinks she may have feelings for a married man who has been married 30 years and whom she says isn't leaving his wife. And thirdly, our relationship was good and back in December my ex showed up at my apartment and made her think I was cheating on her when I wasn't. this girl now that has hurt me claims that she loves me as much as her ex husband and that is huge cause I knew him. She ays she realizes that she loves me as good as him and he almost destroyed him and she don't wanna let anyone have the much control over her emotions. Now she is confused about her married friend. I am so confused it aint funny. everything I read on line says to give space when people are confused and need it and let the dust settle so that they can deal with their issues and emotions in a productive way. I keep being told that if I chase her and try to persuade her and use logic it won't work.

 

She has always left it open for us to get back together down the road. So am I doing the right thing for now? I mean she ignored my last 3 tecxts five days ago. I really feel like she don't wanna talk to me and when she is ready that she will. Is this a correct assumption?

[thebigman]

i think what you are doing is the right thing. if she is ignoring your messages then the more you push the more she will back away. NC isnt forever, just until an opportunity arises. until then just work on pulling yourself out of the gutter, i know that you have heard a lot of things that are not positive and you are hurt.rightly so. she will contact you when she is ready or has figured out her feelings.

[squirl]

Yes, if she ignored your 3 texts, it is safe to assume she really does not want to talk to you right now.

 

Give her a lot of space. You can always contact her in a month, 2 months, but you may be surprised by then at how much better you feel that you no longer want to.

[hillbilly]

I am hoping the day comes that I don't wanna contact her but its hard for me to see that day ever coming. I mean I love this woman so dang much. It rips my heart out to hear her say I may not be ready to get back in this relationship with you cause what if I have feelings for him. OMG I cannot believe that ever came out of her mouth. It's insane! She can only figure it out and she admits its dumb and that she is probably making a big mistake etc and that we had a good relationship. She told me once while we were together that her married friend is a god guy and she has always wondered if he had left his wife if there was something there between them. She admits he isn't going to leave etc and that she don't love him and that she isn't in love with him. I am so effin confused right now probably more than her. It just seems like at some point that she would have to thin about our relationship and decide if shes doing the right thing. If not then how could she walk away. I am so helpless cause I can't do a dnag thing to influence her but to disappear and she obviously is good with not talking to me right now.

[rosasnyder811]

i disagree. hillbilly is obviously in a massive state of shock and huge amounts of pain right now. any contact he makes with her he will crumble and make things worse. perhaps not NC forever but certainly until he gets a grip on his emotions. it wasnt until i went NC that i made any progress with my ex and i was in just as bad a state as he seems to be. heal then maybe reconnect if you feel you can handle it, not chase her away sobbing. stay strong and try and pick up the pieces and then if you feel you can speak to her without breaking down then reach out to talk. NC is definitely necessary in your current emotional state.

 

NC is an immature way to get the ex back, period. If you aren't willing to do the hard work, they aren't worth it. If you communicate that they wont hear from you for awhile, that is NOT NC. That is telling them what is going on, so they know what to expect.

[ABetterLifeAwaits]

I really feel for you. I am in the same sitch. I was married 13 yrs w/ 2 little girls & my ex had an affair that led to our D. Once I caught her she left & never looked back. We had a good marriage & I was very happy. I understand your pain. Let me tell you this... I stayed in nearly constant contact with her throughout the D & at almost every stage afterwards. BIG MISTAKE!! She figured if I was friendly with her, I couldn't be mad and must have forgiven her.

 

This helped HER heal & she has been able to get into other relationships without any difficulty. SHE CANNOT MISS WHAT SHE STILL HAS!!!!

 

If I had to do it all over again, I would go NC. I know it's hard because I tried it several times & only ended up breaking down & contacting her. She would always respond just enough to keep me on the hook but she NEVER wanted to reconcile. Please stick with NC. Let her pursue you or you'll never have a chance.

 

Best of luck & God bless.

[freewill1234]

Hillbilly, I believe going NC is the right thing for YOU. It's not about getting her back because she may never come back. It's about you moving forward and the only way you can do that is NC. By staying in contact, you are prolonging the inevitable and she will just string you along until she has no use for you. There may come a day where you will contact her and she may not contact you for days. Days turn into weeks, until one day you will never hear from her again. Do you want to sit by your phone like this for the next year or two? It's not fun. Go NC, go talk to a counselor if you have too. Stay strong because it will pass. I promise. I've been through it, days without sleep, days where I felt like just sitting in the dark, etc ... YOU WILL SURVIVE!

[thebigman]

NC is an immature way to get the ex back, period. If you aren't willing to do the hard work, they aren't worth it. If you communicate that they wont hear from you for awhile, that is NOT NC. That is telling them what is going on, so they know what to expect.

 

when someone doesnt reply to your txts they themselves are not telling you whats going on, so "hi, youre not talking to me so im just letting you know that im not going to talk to you" seems like a pointless exercise.

i didnt say anything about using NC to get her back, i said use it to get his emotional state back on track.

[R32]

Hillbilly I'm in the same place, I've loved my girl massively, your heartbreak is reflective of mine right now. I'm not even at day 1 of NC (I've just passed the 3 hour mark). So if you are on day 5 all power to you, I hope to be where you are in 4 days and 21 hours from now (and you will be on 9 days by then)!!!

 

Talking on here h really helped me and I only joined a few hours ago!!

[force]

Yeah if she's ignoring your texts don't text anymore till you hear from her. Don't send her another text telling her she won't be hearing you for awhile....:stupid:

 

I've had more success getting my ex back with NC than hanging around. If your there they think oh he's my friend so I can have him if I want, but I don't. Now I can go look for someone else and still have my friend around. I got my cake and am eating it too! Life is great! Now she has the comfort of the old, the excitement of the new.

 

I have learned from first hand experience that if you hang around your ex, eventually they WILL drop you when they find someone serious enough, even if you been friends years after the breakup.

[DonDraper32]

NC is an immature way to get the ex back, period. If you aren't willing to do the hard work, they aren't worth it. If you communicate that they wont hear from you for awhile, that is NOT NC. That is telling them what is going on, so they know what to expect.

 

Rosa, do you post about anything on this board other than trying to talk people out of NC?