LonelyMoondancer Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 I am mainly terrified of the pain that can occur with this. I am terrified of having painful intercourse the first time, and I don't want to associate that pain with my wonderful boyfriend when we decide to do it. I have severe pain whenever anything is inserted- a single finger can't go very far in without me feeling a lot of pain. I've been to a gynecologist and had a speculum inserted, which hurt like hell. Since, I've had to insert a yeast infection tablet with this little instrument that also wouldn't go very far in without causing me pain. Even recently, my doctor tried to give me a pap smear and she gave up because it was too painful for me. Am I just being a baby about the pain? I'm usually not afraid of pain, but this is different somehow. It terrifies me, and it's holding me back. I can't use tampons, and now I can't enjoy penetration. I was wondering about getting my doctor to break my hymen for me... would that help? I don't even know if it's still there, but I figure it must be if I can't even insert my finger very far. My mother had the same problem when she was my age and her doctor ended up breaking her hymen for her so she could have sex. Is it really as simple as that? Or could something else be wrong? Link to comment
Firiel Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Have you discussed this problem specifically with a gynecologist? My friend had similar issues with pain, and her doctor suggested she "stretch herself out" before her wedding to help with the pain factor. She literally had almost a series of exercises to do. I think if you go to a gynecologist and tell her your issues and your plan to have sex sometime in the not to distant future, she will be able to give you good advice on how to prepare so as to minimize the pain. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Wasn't even aware doctors broke hymens. Weird to lose your virginity to a doctor... Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Talk to a gynecologist. It could be physical and it could be psychological fear and/or a combination of both. Link to comment
Messiah Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Well, you can always dump the boyfriend and stay a virgin for the rest of your life. But, I think the best advice for you is to delve into self masturbation so that you can feel yourself out, at a smaller pace than a big ol' penis. Watch something that arouses you, and be brave, venture a little bit of pain, and slowly stretch yourself out. Go from a finger to a marker to a small vibrator. And remember, lubrication will make the process much more painless. Link to comment
figur Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Wasn't even aware doctors broke hymens. Weird to lose your virginity to a doctor... Breaking the hymen isn't what losing your virginity means. Lots of women break their hymens from just exercise or tampons. OP, maybe you do take after your mom and just need some extra help from a doctor. But maybe if you're extremely afraid of pain your body is creating a negative feedback. Have you looked up vaginismus? Don't stress too much, but you should speak with your gynecologist about this. Link to comment
unicornrocks Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Sweet heart..It's nothing like your thinking..It's not painful..there will be a little pressure but it doesn't last long...when your kissing and holding each other and I will assume you have masterbaited before? you will get very very wet. It will slide in with no problem..As far as blood, its very little.,.more like spotting..it last for a min? not even that..Once he gets in, its not coming out until he is done so be prepard. Also, condoms are good for protection however, for your first time I wouldn't recommend them. Go on the pill or get a day after pill from the drug store. The day after pill is 1-2 pills and cost $45 dollars. You can only use this in emergencys if you don't have birth control. Make sure he is your boyfriend and you care for him. It doesnt have to be the man you will marry but someone you truly care about and who respects you. He can get tested at a clinic for stds..lots of clinics do it for free. This way you know he is safe and clean before you have sex. After your first few times then yes use condoms and birth control. For me my first time we tried condoms and I was way to tight even being wet. But I trusted my bf and knew he was clean..so he took it off and I used the day after pill..then I went on BC..Just my advice do what is best for u..OH and for the love of ALLAH dont ask your doctor to break your hymen..OMg NO..thats just horrible..U dont want to loose your virginity to a piece of plastic..get the real deal first time.. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Breaking the hymen isn't what losing your virginity means. Lots of women break their hymens from just exercise or tampons. . It's still losing your virginity in the physical sense. Perhaps not the emotional or knowledge sense but it is very much so losing your virginity to a doctor. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 You really need to discuss this with your gyno. I'd also talk some more with your mom to learn all you can about what difficulties she had. My mom has been a big help with me and understanding my own female issues at times; sometimes it's hereditary stuff and sometimes my mom has helped put my mind at ease simply because she knew some things I hadn't learned yet. Link to comment
LonelyMoondancer Posted March 17, 2013 Author Share Posted March 17, 2013 My family doctor is the one I see for everything, so I guess I would talk to her about this. Aside from breaking it for me like was done for my mom (and apparently the odd person here or there from what I looked up) I don't think she can do anything for me. It might be one of those things I have to just do. I'm scared of screaming or something during my first time though, it honestly really hurts when I try to go further than an inch or so. I'm wondering if I even need to see my doctor if she's unable to do anything? Should I just let my boyfriend break it when the time comes? I'm not even sure if I should tell him about my fear. He's the sweetest guy, but he's so protective. I don't want him to think I'm afraid of sex period. We recently started getting physical, but he didn't penetrate me with his fingers because I was on my period. Now I'm not, and the next time I see him (probably this week) I'm afraid of the pain, or of telling him. Link to comment
unicornrocks Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 Don't be scared. Be honest and tell him your scared for your first time. If he is a great guy he will be gentle. Fingers and penis are two different things. You won't scream..getting a shot hurts more than sex..it will take a few times..but remember what I said about the condoms..get birth control before you do it..either day after pill or see your gyn..first time with a condom maybe to much.. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 17, 2013 Share Posted March 17, 2013 I would see the doctor and ask, because, number one, it's not a sure thing that this is an issue to do with your hymen. Number two, if you are going to be having sex, you'll need to have regular paps and be comfortable talking with her/him about these things anyways. Link to comment
LonelyMoondancer Posted March 21, 2013 Author Share Posted March 21, 2013 In case anyone was curious, we tried again and he was able to get his whole finger inside with way less pain. Maybe I was just super tight? Regardless, I'm seeing my doctor because we plan to be sexually active, but I think the pain issue was just nervousness or something. Link to comment
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