Girl posting on my boyfriend's facebook

[spandora]

So, I've been with my boyfriend almost a year. We live together.

 

Some girl from my boyfriend's home town who he's never even mentioned to me, posted on his FB page:

 

"Hey love. Just heard (some song) and thought of you. Hope you are well"

 

I am quite bothered that there's some girl I don't know of and he's never mentioned, calling him "love" on his Facebook page.

 

Am I wrong that this bothers me?

[Angler]

I know a few people who call everyone "love", "darling", "babe" etc.

 

It might just be who she is.

 

And besides, his wall is WAAAAY out in the open. If there was something going on that would have been a PM.

[Nightdriver]

no biggie. don't sweat it.

[spandora]

What about the fact that the song she mentions is a love song? I talked to him about it and he seems mystified as to why she posted it. He said she's some chick from high school..not an ex (that was my first thought.) I dunno..I know he only has people who he is close to on his facebook friends list, so..the fact that he's acting so puzzled by it, makes me suspicious. I feel like maybe he's not being honest. Either that, or the girl is straight up nuts.

[Ms Darcy]

... Or option three is (instead of the girl being nuts), you are straight up nuts.

 

This is hardly anything to worry about in a good relationship.

[Fudgie]

I am with Angler. If something were going on, it would be in a message, not an open wall.

 

Some girls use pet names for everyone. Yes it makes me feel uncomfortable but that's what some do.

 

I would not let this bother me for the time being. If he's not doing anything else sketchy, leave it alone.

[RachaelRosen]

I think he comment is possibly sketchy for the fact that the song was a love song combined with those other things, but I mean sketchy on her part, not your boyfriend. The "hope you are well" makes it seem like she hasn't seen him for awhile. Anyway, I wouldn't take this as meaning something that your boyfriend has any part in. Could just be a girl who has some affection toward him back in high school. Or maybe she's just weirdly friendly toward people that don't invite it. Or she could be neutral and the song was something that brings up some memory of a party. Who knows, we really can't help you with that, not enough information here. What does your intuition, and not jealousy, tell you about your boyfriend?

[spandora]

Yeah..it's all pretty weird. He seems confused as to what she's talking about. He doesn't even get why she brought up that song. He says they are NOT close.

 

Or, that could be a smokescreen so he doesn't have to tell me who she really is. We are actually in couples counseling right now, so I'm going to bring this up with the therapist during our session next week.

 

I think he comment is possibly sketchy for the fact that the song was a love song combined with those other things, but I mean sketchy on her part, not your boyfriend. The "hope you are well" makes it seem like she hasn't seen him for awhile. Anyway, I wouldn't take this as meaning something that your boyfriend has any part in. Could just be a girl who has some affection toward him back in high school. Or maybe she's just weirdly friendly toward people that don't invite it. Or she could be neutral and the song was something that brings up some memory of a party. Who knows, we really can't help you with that, not enough information here. What does your intuition, and not jealousy, tell you about your boyfriend?

[Nightdriver]

We are actually in couples counseling right now, so I'm going to bring this up with the therapist during our session next week.

 

Couples counseling in just under a year?

[spandora]

YUP. We've had a lot of issues. Sometimes I feel we're trying to fit square pegs into round holes. It's not just one thing..I've had insecurity issues from the past cuz he used to have a facebook account he wouldn't let me see...he's off and on pressured me to have threeways..various things.

 

He can be impulsive and just not think about the longterm effects of his actions sometimes. Like, we've argued about him texting while driving my car (he finally stopped).

 

He DJs at a club every other weekend and a couple of times he came home having had too much to drink and shouldn't have been driving. Yet, we recently argued because he won't just, STOP drinking at that club. He doesn't like being told what to do.

 

Couples counseling in just under a year?

[RachaelRosen]

I've had insecurity issues from the past cuz he used to have a facebook account he wouldn't let me see...he's off and on pressured me to have threeways..various things.

 

Well, I'm not trying to disturb the hornets nest here, but I'll give you my own personal experience with an ex who lied about large things, little things, and who ended up cheating on me and lying about it, making me think I was crazy when I accidentally started uncovering his tracks: when the signs are there and things don't add up, rather than it being that I'm crazy, or she's crazy, the likelihood is that he's lying.

[spandora]

Same here. I've been lied to SO many times.

 

It raises a red flag for me when you bring up something like this, and the other person gets SO defensive.

 

I am more than willing to explain any single comment on my FB page that may seem shady, or tell my bf who all my FB friends are, without getting mad.

 

I think if a GUY had said this on MY page, he'd have wondered who it was, too.

 

Well, I'm not trying to disturb the hornets nest here, but I'll give you my own personal experience with an ex who lied about large things, little things, and who ended up cheating on me and lying about it, making me think I was crazy when I accidentally started uncovering his tracks: when the signs are there and things don't add up, rather than it being that I'm crazy, or she's crazy, the likelihood is that he's lying.

[Fudgie]

Uh, wow. I didn't know the back story.

 

Yes I think it's shady now given his history. I'm trying to figure out why you want to he with a guy like this. Pressures you for a three some? Gets drunk a lot? Lies? Can't think about the long term?

 

Ugh.

[RachaelRosen]

Ugh. This reminds me of that same ex, who when I saw some girl was calling and left him a "Heeey, just seeing how you're doing!" voicemail, just a LITTLE too friendly and familiar, he said, "I don't know why she's calling and texting, I don't talk to her that much, I don't even like her." Guess what? Turns out that's the girl he was cheating on me with. Oh and he didn't want me ever seeing his phone, he became secretive with it.

[spandora]

Ugh that sucks.

 

Sorry, I should've been more specific..when I said, I've been lied to a lot..I meant, by more than 1 ex. In fact, all of my exes either lied to me or cheated on me. I must suck at picking guys.

 

Ugh. This reminds me of that same ex, who when I saw some girl was calling and left him a "Heeey, just seeing how you're doing!" voicemail, just a LITTLE too friendly and familiar, he said, "I don't know why she's calling and texting, I don't talk to her that much, I don't even like her." Guess what? Turns out that's the girl he was cheating on me with. Oh and he didn't want me ever seeing his phone, he became secretive with it.

[spandora]

That's what I mean.. that whole "gee I dunno why she's being flirty with me, and I don't care, and you shouldn't care either. She's irrelevant and I'm mad at you for even being bothered by it." THAT whole attitude.

 

Ugh. This reminds me of that same ex, who when I saw some girl was calling and left him a "Heeey, just seeing how you're doing!" voicemail, just a LITTLE too friendly and familiar, he said, "I don't know why she's calling and texting, I don't talk to her that much, I don't even like her." Guess what? Turns out that's the girl he was cheating on me with. Oh and he didn't want me ever seeing his phone, he became secretive with it.

[Fudgie]

Why are you putting up with this treatment?

[willdation]

I probably would just think she likes him and nothing more, at least unless they are constantly writing together etc..

 

A week ago a girl wrote a smiley face on my face book wall and my gf questioned me about that. Well, to be honest, I did date that girl in the past, but I have not even seen her in several years...

 

Another wrote on face book that she had a dream about me and was thinking about me etc...Again, I dont flirt or even talk with this girl...It just came out of nowhere, so it could be the same thing with your bf...

 

I could understand if she said she heard "our song" on the radio, but it just reminded her of him.

 

She also wrote, "hope all is well" which is usually just a simple kind of catch up phrase with people you have not talked to in a while (otherwise should would not be "hoping" things are well, but would already know).

[Angler]

Well now with some background this is a whole new story.

 

A facebook post in and of itself is nothing to fuss over, but given his track record, there could be more to it.

[spandora]

Yeah..the big thing to me is that he had 2 Facebook profiles for a while. He started a whole new one when we started dating, telling me he was gonna delete the old one. For quite a few months, that profile was still up, and when I'd get uptight about it, he'd go "ok fine I'll friend you", but never did. I was convinced there was something on there he didn't want me to see. It wasn't til I put a lot of pressure on him, that he finally deleted it.

 

I'm convinced this has got to be a situation one of the previous posters dealt with..that they must have dated. And my gut is telling me, he's just not being honest about it. I get that "hope you are well" is a sign they haven't seen each other in a while but having a love song remind you of someone..and calling him "love"..that just shows much more closeness than he's admitting to, and that's my biggest problem.

 

I'll be interested to see what our therapist says-we have an appointment on Monday.

 

As for why I'm putting up with all this, good question. In the back of my mind, I wanna walk. I've come close quite a few times. I'm stuck in a town I hate and I get cheap rent, living with him. Plus I don't have many friends here. I've rented out a condo I own back home and my renters' lease is up in September. I'm seriously thinking about moving back. I only came out here cuz I'm dealing with a family illness, but it looks like that family member is about to be institutionalized.

 

Well now with some background this is a whole new story.

 

A facebook post in and of itself is nothing to fuss over, but given his track record, there could be more to it.

[Miss Firecracker]

The longer you are with this guy, the more money the counselor makes. So counselor won't tell you to dump him.

[Fudgie]

The longer you are with this guy, the more money the counselor makes. So counselor won't tell you to dump him.

 

Exactly this. Counselors make the most money when couples stay together.

 

Honestly, you haven't been together that long and you're already in counseling, not a good sign. I'm still not sure why you're bothering with him.

[spandora]

Yeah well..we're still arguing about this. it's still bothering me, and all he wants to do is go look at MY page, and try to find anyplace anyone has even REMOTELY flirted with me.

 

A GAY friend of mine whom I've known since I was 18, made a silly remark that some photo of me with the cat in my lap reminded him of some suggestive song. So now my bf is bringing THAT up. Really? So now he is trying to compare someone who's clearly GAY and clearly with a boyfriend, to some girl from his past who is clearly single and being pretty flirtatious. Why else would you tell someone " I heard this song (which happens to be a romantic song) that made me think of you", unless you wanted to trigger some memory from the past? It's a game girls play, a little flirty game. And he must think I'm stupid if I'm going to keep listening to him try to turn this around on me.

 

The longer you are with this guy, the more money the counselor makes. So counselor won't tell you to dump him.

[spandora]

This counselor isn't making much money. He's working with us through some counselors aid program and we pay $10 a session.

 

Exactly this. Counselors make the most money when couples stay together.

 

Honestly, you haven't been together that long and you're already in counseling, not a good sign. I'm still not sure why you're bothering with him.

[spandora]

The fact that he HAS been willing to do counseling..is exactly why.

 

Exactly this. Counselors make the most money when couples stay together.

 

Honestly, you haven't been together that long and you're already in counseling, not a good sign. I'm still not sure why you're bothering with him.