swans Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 Hi everyone. I need some advice on whether or not to call my ex-BF's mother. First of all, here's some quick info of my BU: - started dating on May 2010 - 1st BU for one month on November 2011 - Final BU on mid January. NC since. - Some trust issues. He was narcissistic. Moved to another continent in the beginning of January. I broke up two weeks later because I wasn't getting what I wanted from this. Somehow I feel like the dumpee. His mother was always great to me. When he decided to move abroad for almost a year she said that it didn't change our relationship, so from time to time I was gonna have dinner with them. Actually the day before I broke up with my ex she called me and I was supposed to have dinner with them later that week. When I broke up I told him that and I guess he told his mother because I never spoke to her since and she didn't call me again either. So my question is: do I call her someday? To thank her for everything, and say goodbye? I don't want to ask her about him, I'll just say something like "I wish I. the best and I hope everything is okay". I'm afraid she thinks I'm being rude but that being said she was always the one who called and she hasn't. Thank you so much for your input. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 I say just leave it. I think it'll be easier for you to keep him and his family in your past. If you havent spoken in a while I don't see the point in contacting her. Link to comment
thevic Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 For me, I don't see anything wrong with calling her to find out how she is doing provided you both were in very good term. Breaking up with someone does not mean breaking up with everything about him. That's my thought anyway. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 I would leave it alone that is his mother not your mother. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 I wouldn't call her. I'm sure she's been around long enough to know that relationships don't always last and people drift apart. If you were married to him and had children, then yes but just being an ex girlfriend no. I remember when my ex and I broke up. We had been together for 8 years, lived together for 7. I loved his family, they adored me and my children from a previous marriage. When we broke up, I was left heartbroken not only for the relationship that I had lost with him but also for the relationship that I had lost with them as well. Shortly after we broke up, probably within a year he was already in another serious relationship with a new girl and it wasn't fair for me to stick around in that family unit so I bowed out gracefully. I didn't want his new girlfriend to feel akward nor did I want his family feeling akward. Link to comment
swans Posted March 10, 2013 Author Share Posted March 10, 2013 First of all, thank you all for your reply. I didn't call her shortly after the BU because I would start crying. And now I know I'm strong enough to call her or even see her without getting emotional about this. We weren't married but she really thought we would be. She hated his last GF and she really did love me. Because he was 30 years old she was always talking about us having a kid and getting married. I'm afraid she isn't calling because he told her not to, or she thinks it will make me feel awkward or sad. I don't want any relationship with her, that's for sure, but I'm not totally comfortable with just vanishing in thin air without any proper goodbye. For the past year I've been having dinner at their house once every week, so it's not like I only saw them from time to time. Link to comment
Lambert Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 I wouldn't contact her. I agree with the others.... That is his mother and it's not fair to do that to him, her or the next girl. I am sure you are a great girl, but they are family.... it's not about you. I know how you feel though. I really liked my ex's sister and would have loved to stay friends with her but I wouldn't want to make her feel weird about it. They are close and spend a lot of time together. So I imagine she is making friends with whoever he dates now. And if you think about how it would pan out--- Would I hang out with her, her husband and my new bf? That would be weird. I know!! we'll become a group of three couples. NOT! Although for my ex and me, that would just be continuing our dysfunctional relationship..... And torturing our current partners. If you really stop and think about it.... it's best to just let sleeping dogs lie. There's no reason to create the drama of saying goodbye or the drama of trying to keep close. It's the sad part of break ups. But in the long run, it's better. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 I think you are thinking about her, and him too much. You need to try and move on. I think contacting her and potentially hearing about him will only set you back. Agree with the above. Let sleeping dogs lie. Link to comment
swans Posted March 11, 2013 Author Share Posted March 11, 2013 Thank you all. I won't call her. If we run into each other I'll thank her and say goodbye. It would bring back some memories. Link to comment
gardnergirl2 Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 I would say don't. My Ex's mom called me and started a chain of events that only made me look stupid. I broke down in front of her, on the phone, etc. maybe in some years when you have no feelings for him at all Link to comment
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