CaliGirl1985 Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 I've been out with this guy a few times. He always says yes when I ask him to do something and always tells me he had a good time. There is only one problem...he has never initiated anything first! I figure that if he wasn't at least a little interested he wouldn't keep hanging out with me. Especially considering that he knows that I like him. I found something online called "Approach Anxiety". Sounds kind of like my situation, maybe? If so, how do I help him get over it?? Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 By not calling him and being the one to enable him to NOT have to contact you. Link to comment
oldenoughtoknow Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Approach anxiety usually only occurs when you're first asking someone out. After the ice is broken and you've gone out once or twice, there's really no anxiety involved - you have a good idea whether they want to see you again or not. I'd guess he's just not that into you. Sorry. Link to comment
CaliGirl1985 Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 I've tried that...I went a whole month one time...so frustrating!! When I did that, there was one time that I thought he was going to ask, but then he didn't. He's not like this with everything...he is confident in other things that he does. This makes no sense to me... Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 I've tried that...I went a whole month one time...so frustrating!! When I did that, there was one time that I thought he was going to ask, but then he didn't. He's not like this with everything...he is confident in other things that he does. This makes no sense to me... Then I'd say he has turn-down anxiety. He just doesn't know how to turn you down or, he has nothing else to do so he goes. You're wasting your time. Find someone who's excited to see you again and soon. Link to comment
CaliGirl1985 Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 Good point...thanks for the help. Link to comment
Ayanokōji Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Hey he could be scared that what he plans wouldn't be good enough for you and out of the fear of disappointing/losing you he'd rather let you plan stuff because then you cant be disappointed/not enjoyed what you planned. Link to comment
CaliGirl1985 Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 I suppose that could be true...he does still kind of stumble on his words a bit when he talks to me. When we are out he doesn't have that much trouble...but then again there is usually some alcohol involved...lol Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Are you up to always being the one that initiates? Your call of course but I'd not find that all that fun nor would I find his alleged shyness/fear very attractive. Have you ever read "He's Just Not That Into You?" I thought it was a load of crap at first, but with some afterthought about it, its got a lot of truth to it. A guy that likes you makes time for you and wouldn't go two weeks without contact. I doubt after being in your company two times he'd be too shy to call you up for another meet either (if he was smitten, or on his way to being such) If they aren't dating a dozen or so and they actually want to get to know us better then they'll make contact. It's been that way since they were hitting us over the head and dragging us back to the cave after the first sniff. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 I don't think it's approach anxiety -if he's willing to go a month without seeing you then he's not concerned about some other guy snapping you up. When you make it easy for him and he is free he's fine with seeing you. Is that enough for you? Link to comment
SometimesShy Posted March 10, 2013 Share Posted March 10, 2013 By not calling him and being the one to enable him to NOT have to contact you. This is the worst possible advice for shy men, as they will never make contact unless they feel comfortable enough to do this. Link to comment
SometimesShy Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 re: "He's Just Not That Into You?" A guy that likes you makes time for you and wouldn't go two weeks without contact. ...This really does not apply to shy men. I am an attractive man, but I had my first date when I was 25 years old because I was far too shy to approach any of the women I was interested in. The thoughts that shy men often have are along the lines of... "No woman is interested in me, so I will not bother anyone I am attracted to and I'll just leave them alone" So many shy men experience a kind of "mexican stand-off" of the dating world, where a woman won't approach the guy ( assuming incorrectly that the shy guy will contact her first ), and the shy guy assumes incorrectly that no woman is interested in him, so he ignores her and gets on with his business. Link to comment
SometimesShy Posted March 11, 2013 Share Posted March 11, 2013 if he's willing to go a month without seeing you then he's not concerned about some other guy snapping you up Shy men don't think like this. They already assume that some other guy will "snap her up" because she was never interested in him in the first place. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.