MonsterM Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Hello,long story short.We ended things on 1st of February in a bad way...we had a quarrel...on 3rd of february she has a new "boyfriend" and posting stuff on facebook waiting for my reaction,but I keep calm.Im in NC for 15 days now,I cut her sister and all her friends from facebook skype phone etc.I still have some stuff at her place and Im expecting her sister to give them to me tomorrow.The thing is I should wait a month or so for her rebound to begin to crack up and going stricktly NC.I dont have any problems keeping NC,neither have any issues with her ****ing with some other guy...the thing is how do I reconnect with her after a month or so?She may well lose her job till then too,and this new "boyfriend" is the complete opposite of me,so Im sure if I dont push her she will begin to miss me way too soon.We've been dating for 1 year.And she has seen this guy 2 times before we ended things.So how do I reconnect with her after some time has passed?I know we both love each other and have a very strong emotional as well as intellectual bonds.Thank you Link to comment
Jamestown Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 This is similar to my situation. The difference is that even though I am in pain from it, I have accepted that the relationship was toxic and self defeating. There were some really high highs, but the lows were monumental. She was seeing the rebound the same night I ended it. Now she posts stuff about marrying the guy, and it's less than 2 months since we ended a 4 year engagement. If I were you I would reconsider your angle on this. Don't have the mindset of reconnecting with your ex, do what's in your best interest and if it happens then it was meant to be. Over time you may feel differently though, and not want to get back with her. Link to comment
MonsterM Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 Sorry to hear this...but the fact that she will "marry" him is so funny...and points out how naive she is...my girl is seeing a guy she met 2 times,once on the New Years eve when she was with me,and secondly in a meeting with friends.It's a 1000000% rebound...she told me she has done it many times before when she was out of long term relationships.and all the guys were doing was chasing her.Im not going to fall for that crap.Im going to let her miss me and think about me when with the other guy,and she will Im sure,because we had a long history together.My advice to you is ignore her on Facebook...to my situation...im just thinking how to reconnect while I still have to keep NC for about 20 days though...Im just thinking and need an opinion Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 I think you really need to focus on your self-esteem and not be eagerly awaiting the breakup of her rebound in order to get back with her. Both of you have self-esteem issues...hers shows by the fact that she needs constant male attention and will grab anyone just to get it...your self-esteem is so low that you would be willing to take this woman back after she immediately hopped into bed with a new guy. Once you fix your own self-esteem issues you will end up feeling revolted at the thought of once again sharing the bed with someone who bounced from your bed directly into someone else's bed. Link to comment
MonsterM Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 I bounced too...that's not a problem for me...what matters is we have a deep connection much deeper than anything I've experienced...I dont have any problem with her sleeping with another man right now...actually he's not really a man...he's a boy...but you're right I should let things go off for a while...and not thinking too much about it.Thank you Link to comment
Jamestown Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 If you can say that you have this deep connection, deeper than anything; yet in the same breath you say you don't care if she sleeps with another guy than you are way out of touch with reality. She betrayed you, not the other guy, it's to early to forgive. You need to get it out of your mind that she is coming back, otherwise she becomes a boat anchor for your life and she controls you from afar. Don't give anyone that power. Link to comment
MonsterM Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 why do you think she betrayed me?It's natural after you have some real love to go in a rebound relationship...She doesnt have any power right now.My will is strong...I know NC for 30 days is vital if we are to get back in touch anytime...and we will Link to comment
Jamestown Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 I don't know where you are getting this magic 30 day cure, it isn't a set time. She is with someone else, she's posting stuff on fb to get your reaction, and messing with you. Just forget the "30" days and concentrate on you. Link to comment
MonsterM Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 I am.I just needed some boost hehe.thanks Link to comment
MonsterM Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 30 days is standart...it may take more or less...it all depends on several factors.but new "boyfriend" doesnt have a chance and that's the time she will dump him eventually too Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 All I see is you trashing her new boyfriend and making your ex seem like the greatest thing since sliced bread. If the two of you had such an amazing connection neither of you would have jumped into the arms of someone else that quickly. Not everyone rebounds...certainly insecure people and people who don't know how to self-soothe, rebound..but people who are truly in touch with themselves take the time to think and grow and overcome the loneliness on their own steam rather than seeking solace in the arms of someone else. Link to comment
MonsterM Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 I havent even told her I know about this guy...I let it pass through me...and Im not bashing that guy...she bashed him in front of me the first time...she told me she doesnt like him...and now what happens...a rebound Link to comment
MonsterM Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 she really is a great friend we could talk forever...I miss those times actually.It's empty without her,but I have the will to fight Link to comment
MonsterM Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 Whatever happens,nobody answered my question on first place...thank you all for giving me advice on what to praise and not...I was asking when u usually make the reconnect... Link to comment
iBroken Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Why do you want to reconnect with someone who jumped into someone elses arms and bed so quickly after you split? Id let go and move on to greener pastures. Dont be her door mat. She might come back around, but I can assure you she will be gone again in no time. Link to comment
MonsterM Posted February 24, 2013 Author Share Posted February 24, 2013 I dont think so...dont judge people when you dont know them...she is hurt,as well as I am...we had reasons to break up...her way of dealing with the pain is this way... Link to comment
iBroken Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 Sorry, she is hurt so its okay to rebound with someone? Are you doing the same to deal with your hurt? If you guys got into a fight and she went and cheated on you, would you accept that behaviour because "she was hurt and thats how she deals with the pain"? The purpose of my post was to get you to discover what your self worth is. When someone leaves and starts seeing someone else, we are all worth better than that........Feel free to read my threads and you will see that I come from a place with experience on this matter....... Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 24, 2013 Share Posted February 24, 2013 I dont think so...dont judge people when you dont know them...she is hurt,as well as I am...we had reasons to break up...her way of dealing with the pain is this way... So she uses people when she is hurt...charming lady (sarcasm). Poor guy thinks he has a chance and she is just using him to help her get through a break up...that is not a very considerate person. Link to comment
MonsterM Posted March 3, 2013 Author Share Posted March 3, 2013 she is not thank you...she is so insecure on the inside...yet she is trying to remain very stron on the outside...keeping her smile etc...she told me that when we were dating... Link to comment
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