Replaced and it hurts

[kz91]

When me and my ex broke up for the final time, I deleted all the pictures and all of the conversations. All of the stuff she bought me, I hid it all away. Because all it does is HURT, it hurts like hell.

 

It's been a month now and I feel SO much better than I did a month ago, as you can gather. The thought of her and him used to make me sick, but now I hardly ever think about it, I do sometimes and it still does bother me. But then I think, he isn't kissing the girl I knew, he's kissing someone else who means nothing to me. Because it's true, she isn't the girl I fell in love with. I remember when the thought of letting her go wasn't even an option, when I asked her what I should do, she said let her go and I just cried and she held me, because I honestly didn't know how to let her go. But a week later, I thought about it and I figured it's the best thing to do, and I said to her I'm ready to let you go because I just want you to be happy. I have my good days and very bad days, but you have to go through it, there's no choice.

 

It takes time.

[sportsguy9981]

As I was sleeping I had this dream where my ex and I were talking, and then she was telling me that this other guy was coming over.. I said why? She said he's just coming over so I had to leave.. its an awful feeling knowing somebody else is with the person you were in a relationship with for years, I was relieved that I woke up and that I can get through my day now. I get these images in my head still of her in bed with the guy and having sex with the guy...I thought women had to go through cheating more but its guys as well, and when their girl leaves for the new guy like that after cheating the thought of her cheating is the last thing she did to me and it stays quite a long time. Im hoping that after more time I'll be more indifferent to it but she really hurt me and the healing after that kind of thing takes such a long time.

I always liked that she had professional goals in life, but I wanted her to have those goals with me...it turns out she just put her job and family ahead of me and then wanted nothing to do with me once she slept with another guy. I remember her saying the day she left me that "We talked for 6 hours yesterday.. and Ive never felt this way about anybody before! And, we miss each other so much!" What a selfish person, I cant believe how it all turned out.. so much heartache. I really hope I find some inner happiness, Im better then I was 5 months ago but its hard to erase 4 1/2 years with somebody... unless of course you did what she did and hop into bed with somebody else and make that person your new bf. Seems to me that those type of people move on the day they leave you, the dumpees have to suffer and pick up the pieces. Dumpers who replace you dont feel much pain in my opinion. They may feel some pain later but I feel that she is very happy now being intimate and close to somebody else. It really tears your heart out but I have no interest in being in another close relationship right now , no matter how lonely I am. Being single to me is better because I can live my life the way I want to, and if the right person comes into my life in months or years great, but right now I need time to focus on me after being with someone else for so many years.

[natinati78]

You're in a full-on psychobiological emergency response mode. Your subconscious is in a state of crisis and is desperately trying to figure out what went wrong with reality, and how to fix it. This sets your body systems into a hyper-vigilent mode. This is where the ceaseless obsessive thoughts come from. The best way for dealing with it is meditation. Not something out of this world, but just some simple relaxation meditation. For me, meditation became a cool waterfall in a scorching desert of pain.

 

 

I have been trying to find some meditative techniques that work. I am not very good at sitting still and meditating but when I am obsessing over his FB pictures or just repeatedly asking HOW... I feel so out of control... I went to a spiritual store trying to find something to help me find some inner peace... Not sure what it is that I am looking for... lol... If anyone has any specific meditative techniques that would be great to learn more about.

 

These last few days I have been visiting this forum instead of obsessing over FB... I have been avoiding it as much as possible; maybe if I get out of the habit of checking it, I will stop obsessing over his page.

 

Anyway, I really do appreciate all the good advice. MasterPo - I think you are right, I will need to start printing some of the advice I read and collecting it. When I feel really lost, reading advice from those who have survived the same seems to help more than anything else.

[Bill13]

^^^ Your right my GF of two years left me and hooked up with another man within a week. She left me hanging on a chance to make it work but then told me she was with this guy for months and had moved on! It hurts but I've got no choice but to move on.