Entrepreneur but all the people close to me think Im a fool

[Lilly26]

Hi, I have been struggling with myself and the comments and career suggestions i have been hearing from my friends, family, boyfriend and almost anyone who is close to me. Here is my story, Im a college graduate but i studied the wrong subject, suffered until i got my degree and therefore once i graduated there were not much places that would hire me since it was obvious that i was not passionate about the IT topic nor was i good at it. So i set up my own small company. At first i had no idea what i was going to do about it, tried many different trading options none of which worked out for me since i had absolutely no knowledge about the products. This caused many sacrifices such as not being able to enjoy my youth while all my friends were traveling and spending the money they were earning as salaries and i was living paycheck to paycheck. Finally about 1.5 years ago, after much failures, i can say i finally have found my business that i am willing to give day and night into it. I have become very knowledgeable about the industry and have made very close relationships with the pioneers of this field. My business is starting to move very slowly. However, since i am still not making enough money (of course it much better than before) i have been under attack from my sister, my boyfriend that i am a delusional person and i will not succeed ever because i dont have a shroud, assertive character and Im a nice person so I am doomed. They tell me on a daily basis that i am stubborn and should give up on my dream and go get a normal job somewhere even if i dont enjoy it, so i can get a salary like them and put my passion aside. I keep explaining to them i am not that naive as before and I am going to get better and better and know how to handle business people in a more assertive way. I want to hear from people out there, do you really believe at this age 30 that i am i should put my passion aside close my business after coming this far and go get an office job. I really need to hear from you, have you had any experience like this before? Do you really believe from what i have mentioned that i am a hopeless case? Why is is that i dont see it, and i know i will succeed? I am loosing my relationship because of my financial issues of my little company as well. Instead of being able to travel with my boyfriend and do nice things, i just put every penny into making my business strive and not die out until i can reap its result. Please give me your feedback.

[Godless_Heathen]

Can't really comment correctly without more information about your business. The natural, supportive response you'll get here is "follow your dream," but the reality is that most small businesses fail. Some people are cut out for making such an enterprise work, some aren't, and there's no way to know where you fall without a great deal of information about you and your business, far more than you really want to put on an anonymous forum.

 

I, personally, struggled financially until I was about age 30 because I kept chasing self employment. At 30 I started a salaried job, and my financial situation improved enormously. I had excellent technical skills, skills that were in demand, but they weren't paying off for me because running a small business wasn't really my forte. My income went up a factor of 3 over the next 10 years as I rapidly worked my way up the ladder. I also accomplished far more than I did on my own, which also mattered to me.

 

"Normal" jobs can be quite rewarding, if they're in a field you care about. Taking a salary doesn't mean you have to hate your job.

 

A small business can be quite rewarding as well, but you have to be particularly suited for it. No way to know if you are without a lot more information.

[annie24]

Hi - I don't know much about starting your own business, but i'm sure that for every successful business owner out there, they had people who told them that they were crazy. I think it would be good to network, and maybe find some experts on the subject that can help guide you in the process. i wish i could give you more advice. hang in there, i hope the business works out!

[Lilly26]

Dear Godless_heathen, thank you for your quick response; i did enjoy reading it. Just to give you an idea, i sell a range of eco-friendly and all natural products both in fashion, home textile, packaging, gardening, agriculture and so forth. In the part of the world that i live in, this product is still hardly available in the market, hence in the past year i have made some significant advances such as being the exclusive supplier of these items. Of course, it still has not been able to cover my costs fully. I am the only working on my business which means a total of 15 hours a day or so, but i do enjoy it excet the times i get closer to the cheques is very stressful. I want to give myself 2 more months so see if i will make it or break it. I am even willing to work desk job in the morning and do my biz in the afternoon if that is what it takes to make my products more visible and help my cashflow. However, my surrounding has become very negative by the constant nagging of my family and relationship which does take away from my productivity. I could really do so much better if they weren't on my case and compare my situation with my friends of my age. It is hurtful and once i show perseverance they call me delusional, dreamer and stubborn....

[bulletproof]

Are you borrowing or taking money from your family and boyfriend? If so, perhaps that is what they object to?

 

If they are not financially supporting you in any way, then they have no right to nag you. It's your life. While you can't change who you're related to, you don't have to continue to date an unsupportive bf. So maybe it's time to tell your family to lay off, and tell your boyfriend that if he doesn't lay off, the relationship is over.

[blueidealist24]

 

If they are not financially supporting you in any way, then they have no right to nag you. It's your life. While you can't change who you're related to, you don't have to continue to date an unsupportive bf. So maybe it's time to tell your family to lay off, and tell your boyfriend that if he doesn't lay off, the relationship is over.

 

Exactly.. I think you should keep trying.. if you're concerned about your finances you should get a part-time job, even at Starbucks or something like that, to help out with money. If you hate desk jobs 30 or so more years of your life is too long to be doing it; plus, desk jobs in this economy often don't pay a lot either.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I'm a founder of a startup. I quit my 200k a year job and started a company, paying myself 1/10 of what I was making before. Like you, I work 15+ hours a day. People ask me stupid questions like "What are you going to do on your 3-day weekend?" Or "Do you have fun weekend plans?" My plans are the same everyday. Work. Bills are piling up, I can't afford my apartment for much longer, and I'm one martial arts related accident away from financial ruin. And all the meanwhile there is the temptation of quitting on myself and re-joining the workforce making a big fat salary and watching my money problems disappear. But this is what being an entrepreneur is. If it was easy, everyone would do it.

 

What separates people like yourself and me, from people like your sister, and your boyfriend, is the undying belief in ourselves, despite what others would say. Is your sister a successful Entrepreneur? What about your boyfriend? Are they successful in their careers? Until they are, who cares what they say.

 

Being an entrepreneur is very hard. It takes it toll on even the best relationships. I would have loved to have my girlfriend be supportive of me, but ultimately she couldn't, so I dumped her. I didn't need people in my life who weren't supportive, so I cleaned house of all the people who were negative. It's good to have someone to keep you grounded, but your sister and boyfriend sound like pretty lousy to me.

 

You're awesome for believing in yourself. It's an amazing trait to keep on fighting when everyone else has given up. I'm older than you are, and I *WISH* I would have had the guts to do what you have done so early in your life.

 

I don't know if my sacrifice will pay off. Statistically, it probably won't. However, just because something is likely to fail, doesn't mean you don't try.

 

Don't stop believing in yourself.

[Godless_Heathen]

Just to give you an idea, i sell a range of eco-friendly and all natural products both in fashion, home textile, packaging, gardening, agriculture and so forth.

Unfortunately, retail is not something I know much about, beyond generalities. It's not something I'd go into personally, since the margins are almost always razor-thin, it's difficult to get a competitive advantage, and the capital costs are high since you have to carry inventory. Obviously some people make it work.

 

The "not covering costs" remark is alarming, though. Are you running at a loss right now?

 

What separates people like yourself and me, from people like your sister, and your boyfriend, is the undying belief in ourselves, despite what others would say. Is your sister a successful Entrepreneur? What about your boyfriend? Are they successful in their careers? Until they are, who cares what they say.

The thing is, I've seen both cases. I've seen, for example, relatives of a entrepreneur (another person's, not my relatives) who were terribly scared by the whole idea of running a business. They kept telling this guy "oh, you should get a regular job," not based on whether he was successful or whether his ideas had merit, but out of their own personal fear. That's not very helpful.

 

On the other hand, I've also encountered people who shouldn't be in business for themselves. Because, frankly, they were bad at it. In addition to the skills needed for the job, you need a head for numbers, you need to be very comfortable with calculating the finances and handling the cash flow. The DIY network and HGTV regularly run reality shows with people doing home remodeling as a business who have no business doing so, because they suck at estimating and they make decisions based on emotions rather than the return on investment.

[LostInMyThoughts]

On the other hand, I've also encountered people who shouldn't be in business for themselves. Because, frankly, they were bad at it. In addition to the skills needed for the job, you need a head for numbers, you need to be very comfortable with calculating the finances and handling the cash flow. The DIY network and HGTV regularly run reality shows with people doing home remodeling as a business who have no business doing so, because they suck at estimating and they make decisions based on emotions rather than the return on investment.

 

Or you find a partner who is good with those things and start a company together.

 

And I certainly wouldn't take business advice from reality television.

 

I'm not knocking anyone for being in the work-force. Afterall, businesses need employees, and employees are what often make companies great. But entrepreneurs are often entrepreneurs because working as an employee doesn't cut it for them.

[Godless_Heathen]

Or you find a partner who is good with those things and start a company together.

Absolutely. It really depends on the natural size of the business. Lilly is talking about a sole proprietorship, and from the sound of it is finding it difficult making ends meet with just one person.

 

On the other hand, I've worked for a startup where the original core was 3 people, one of whom was the financial expert. That worked because they were going to secure funding for a dozen people eventually, so having a dedicated financial officer was something they could budget.

 

And I certainly wouldn't take business advice from reality television.

Um, that's not what I suggested. Rather the opposite, actually. My point was there are a lot of people who go into business for themselves who really shouldn't. Those just happen to be highly visible examples.

 

entrepreneurs are often entrepreneurs because working as an employee doesn't cut it for them.

That doesn't mean they're cut out for running a business, either. I knew a guy who absolutely could not hack having to report to anyone. He floundered around for a long time because he wouldn't take a job, but didn't really have the ability to do something for himself, either. Eventually he ended up as a realtor, which did work out for him... but he's terrible at managing cash flow, which comes in irregular chunks in that business, and can't even file his estimated taxes correctly, so he ends up paying a penalty to the IRS every year.

 

The "can't work for anyone else" attitude is a fairly serious liability if you end up employing other people, because it's a pretty good sign that you're terrible at the personal side of working with other people, period. I've seen that, too. Note that this is different from ambition. I knew a guy who had no trouble at all working as an employee, got along fine with people, who branched off to form his own development studio because he was ambitious, not because being an employee "didn't cut it."

 

Really, people go into business for themselves for all sorts of reasons.

[Lilly26]

The "not covering costs" remark is alarming, though. Are you running at a loss right now?

 

 

Im not running at a loss i just have inventory which has to be liquidated to increase my cashflow. i have lots of running costs such as my rents, utility and transport so i have to keep my eyes o the accounts on a daily basis. I am not bad with numbers but also not such an accounting expert. I certainly dont over spend at all. But my customer demand is getting bigger and as of now since i dont have enough resources to hire somebody it is a one woman show. I got a company to sponsor me at an international trade show and hence i got many leads; 3 of which have materialized so far. My boyfriend and my sister are salaried person wth high paying 9-5 jobs and get to enjoy shopping travel and etc. While the tell me my little dream of retail and an e-commerce website is way too big to be handled by myself. I choose to not agree with them, hence they say i am not listening to my family and have a hard head. I have just stopped talking and defending and just focus. However, inside because of all their predictions i have developed anxiety and a fear of failure, wasted time, debts and doomed career.

[LightAndDark]

Failure is nothing more than succeeding at finding out what does not work. I have failed at things in my life and because of it I have only become stronger. Your sister and your boyfriend are the ones who are fools. They think you can't succeed and yet they do nothing but discourage you. A little encouragement goes a long way.

 

If you go at this dream with everything you got and it still does not work, at least you went after it. And you can always try again later if you feel up to it. Or perhaps your dream will change. But never give up on something simply because other people think its a bad idea.

 

One thing I take to heart is that its not the things you have done that you regret but the things you didnt do that you regret. If you give up on this dream, you will regret it.

 

Being stubborn is actually a good trait to have. It has its reasons. I am stubborn too. But because I am stubborn I am not easily changed by other people's opinions. I trust my opinion and my view above anyone else's because I all have is myself in the end. True stubbornness can become an issue if it gets out of hand, but that goes with anything and everything.

 

If your sister isn't supportive then that's her problem. If your boyfriend isn't supportive then maybe he isn't the right boyfriend to have.

 

As someone who has never given up at doing what he wanted to do even when others said to change, I say go for it. If it fails, that's ok too. Nothing wrong with failure. If you always learn from why what you did failed then you will never fail. I have improved my life greatly by not fearing failure and going at my dreams. True failure is not doing something because you fear it will fail. There is another saying that success is falling 9 times and getting up 10. And it is true. If other people cant see that then that is their failure, not yours.

 

Also one thing that is good is to have a good resource of people. Volunteer at places. People are a very good resource. Its not what you know but who you know.

[nutbrownhare]

I learned a long time ago that when people give you advice, it's useful to look at where they're coming from. If someone who's an expert in your chosen field tells you you're not really suited, that might be valuable information. If the advice is coming from someone who never put a foot wrong because they never put a foot out, take no notice.

 

Years ago, I had a boyfriend whose father was a self-made millionaire (in a rather unethical field, but that's another matter). I had been asked to do a sample illustration for a very prestigious client, and I chatted about it to friends and family... this guy told me he was sure I'd get the job. My own family members told me it was very unlikely, very competitive field ect yak and blah. They all had very safe, boring desk jobs in local government.

 

I reflected that none of them actually knew what the outcome was likely to be, and that their predictions were based on their own world view. It's significant that the very, very successful guy was positive and encouraging.

 

While I was getting my business off the ground, I distanced myself from a number of people because I wasn't prepared to listen to a load of negative talk from people who knew nothing of the profession. Nor was I prepared to justify myself and my decisions. After a couple of years, when my position was completely unassailable, I resumed contact. Slowly.

 

I also realised that if I didn't give my chosen profession a go, I would regret it for ever. Much better to try something, really stick at it knowing that you've given your all, and then if it fails, you KNOW it wasn't meant to be. Being really committed makes it much more likely that you'll succeed, too. Much better than taking a boring, soul-destroying job to pay the bills whilst wondering what would have happened if you'd tried.

 

Good luck!

[LostInMyThoughts]

I learned a long time ago that when people give you advice, it's useful to look at where they're coming from. If someone who's an expert in your chosen field tells you you're not really suited, that might be valuable information. If the advice is coming from someone who never put a foot wrong because they never put a foot out, take no notice.

 

The key word is "might", because even if an expert tells you you're wrong, you have to follow your own choices. Remember when Michael Dell famously told Steve Jobs he should sell the company and refund all the investors?

 

Sometimes you have to stop and face facts, but its usually not the result of someone telling you, you're doing it wrong.

[binurial]

Lilly, I have no useful advice for your chosen field. But I will say, don't lose your spirit. It gives me hope to hear that people like you still exist. People like you make our country great. Keep fighting!

[Lilly26]

I am so thankful for all the friends i have come to know here; happy so see you put time and thought into helping someone deal with a situation like mine. God bless you all and i am on top of all my tasks, have lots of faith and hope for nothing but the best.

[Lone She Wolf]

Congrats on your business. Here is a link that has lots of info for people like you, including how to deal with loved ones that don't support your dream... link removed

[onelittleladybug]

Lilly26 I just read this and your other threads too. I have two things to say:

 

First of all I know you are not asking for advice on this as its not in this thread but it sounds like your boyfriend partner was (is still?) a serious liability. I wouldn't be surprised if things started working better if you either tried on your own for a while or found a stronger more positive partner. It is really hard to do things alone, I cant even imagine trying to run a business with such a negative person. I run a small biz with my mother. Honestly I wear a lot more hats than she does and we don't have fully equal partnership but I couldn't do this without her and the reason why is that there is no one that has more faith in our biz as she does. Not even myself (and yet I am 100% committed). She wont give up. Your partner has to be like that. I feel so much of it is committing to think creatively when things aren't working as planned and its impossible to think creatively when someone is yelling at you or telling you that you suck at your business. Nobody needs that, not even if it were true. If theres something you arent doing well you have two choices: Learn and improve, or hire someone who is good at it. Most people go for the second choice but if you really cant afford it you have to learn to do it well yourself. Thats not gonna happen with someone around you who constantly berates you.

 

Secondly - in general I just want to agree with the majority consensus here in that you shouldn't listen to the naysayers around you. I've been self employed since 2004. My father yelled at me for years to "get a real job", my friends too thought I was crazy. I struggled for a long time. Things are generally looking up (although slow for past month and suffering a bit as I put a lot of money into a trade show that was a total flop, but sales are already picking up and new accounts and opportunities knocking). We had some success in the past year and now the same people who said "get a job" are saying "I always knew you would make it". Eye roll! And my dad is now super excited, proud and asking if he can help promoting my designs! Oh how things change... I don't regret anything, I know Im doing what I want most of all and although like you I have not been able to enjoy many things that my friends have, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I feel they are missing out on many things as well, but I wont go into that here.

 

I've learned this so far: Only give friends and family details when things are going well, except maybe one confidante who learns to know a bit about your biz. Find colleagues to talk to when things are slow and scary, though most importantly to learn from. And then finally - visualize how one day they will all either conveniently forget how they used to put you down, or be embarrassed by your success