Any hope for a future with my ex? Or did I ruin it??

[hope555]

My ex had a thing for me as soon as he met me a few years ago. He was 23, I was 26. At first, it was just physical. But, over time, we became close friends. That is when he really started liking me. We work together as well. But, eventually, one night, he couldn't help but tell me I drive him crazy, and he has a huge crush on me.

 

I was hesitant at first, as I had heavily friend-zoned him. But he fought hard, and I finally thought I should give it a try. We liked each other a LOT. But it was hard maintaining a secret relationship at work. It made it hard to really progress things.

 

Anyway, after 8 months together, his work started getting very intense. He was getting very overwhelmed, and he ended things with me. He said he was having trouble balancing things. And, at 24, this was his first real relationship. He felt like he did not feel at the right place in his life to commit, and make a girl his priority. He just needed a few years to do his own thing, to get his life and career in order. He also said he loved me a lot...but he started feeling less for me, because every time he told me his feelings, I always told him I wasn't sure about us. Although this is true, after we broke up, I told him I was an idiot, and I am sure that I care about him a lot.

 

Unfortunately, I begged him a lot to take me back. For a few months he didn't mind because he still had feelings and was going through a hard time. But then, he got really frustrated with the questions, and told me we will NEVER date again beacause things are too complicated. And if I want to be friends, that is up to me..but he has moved on.

 

Anyway, nowdays I see him everyday at work. We even awkwardly work on projects together. I know he must still sort of has some feelings for me (bad or good)...because I can see him avoiding eye contact when I sit close to him. He also acts colder and meaner to me than he does to anyone else. I'm changing work locations in the next few months, so most likely I won't see him again in a few months.

 

I feel like our relationship was amazing, but the whole situation was wrong. The timing was way off, the location was way off. I still love him, and want to be with him. I am confident that I am a cute, loyal, smart, loving girl who is long term material. My only mistake was begging him to stay...but I have totally stopped doing that for a few months.

 

Will he remember all our amazing times together? Will he miss me when I move away? How did he go from being in love with me to moving on? Is there any hope of us getting back together in the future? How should I act when I see him at work nowdays??

[meoww]

I just wanted say I hope you'll be feeling better soon. You sound so heartbroken. It's hard to tell from your post what the potential issues in your relationship were, so could you elaborate on that?

 

I ask because although stress from work may have contributed to the break up, I think that if you look harder you will realize that there was more to it. I could be wrong obviously but it's quite often the case that when we're suffering broken hearts or from sudden breakups, it takes a lot of time to process everything.

 

Right now, I think he's not interested in a reconciliation, and I think you are right to keep your distance.

 

I hope that you can find a thoughtful friend or family member to comfort you when you really need it.

[hope555]

There were no actual issues in the relationships. Once or twice we did have small fights on how he is so busy. Other than that, I can't think of any reason why he stopped loving me. And he still loved me a lot when we broke up....he loved me for months after the break up. He sometimes did say things like, my commitment can only go so far until I'm settled in my career. But I wasn't asking for any special commitment. Just didn't want to breakup. He just perceived things to be getting serious, and bailed

 

Now, finally, it seems like he has convinced himself I'm not the one for him. I know in my heart, it wasn't the people involved, it was just the timing. But I feel like crap, because from his actions I can tell that he's gone from acting like my best friend and boyfriend, to someone who doesn't even like looking at me....someone who thinks I'm dull and boring and just the total opposite of him. None of my friends can believe we broke up, because he chased me so hard, and we both seem sooooo similar! It hurts

 

Maybe he saw differences in us that he never ever vocalized. Or maybe he is too young to commit. But to throw away someones company and sex for that makes no sense to me!

 

I've been dealing with the breakup for 6 months now...and my friends have been amazing. But I guess somedays I miss him more...so I appreciate people other than my friends listening thank you for that!

[BlueEagle]

I feel like our relationship was amazing, but the whole situation was wrong. The timing was way off, the location was way off. I still love him, and want to be with him.

 

You may still want to be with him but by the way he is brushing you off and telling you that you two will "NEVER" date again is pretty clear to how he feels.

 

Will he remember all our amazing times together? Will he miss me when I move away?

 

That's hard to say but presently he is sending a strong message that he is no longer interested in you. It hurts, I know (been there before). But you don't want to put your life on hold for someone who doesn't feel the same way as you do.

 

Will he miss me when I move away? How did he go from being in love with me to moving on? Is there any hope of us getting back together in the future? How should I act when I see him at work nowdays??

 

This is the danger of workplace romances, that it's hard to coexist when a relationship ends. I think you just need to hang in there for a few months before you transfer to the different location, be nonchalant, and focus on your work. Sure, it will be awkward and it can easier said than done but by making your job there your first priority and not focusing on how to behave around him will make things go easier. Just be professional and don't show that you are bothered or are pining after him. Who knows if he will miss you once you move away or if he will remember the good times? If it happens then he will willingly come back to you. If not, the best course of action is to keep moving forward.

[hope555]

He always told our friends, even after we broke up, that he saw a future with us, but just not right now. He tried staying friends, and dealt with a LOT of anger from me on a daily basis...and still kept trying to maintain the friendship. But, I did bother him a few too many times trying to understand the breakup. After the last time, he got mad and just said we will never date again. I think he just couldn't take the anger, resentment, questions, tears...it was all too much for him.

 

A big part of me is holding onto this soooo badly, because I'm 27, and worked so hard to even make this happen. I mean, I don't usually get crushes. I am very cute and fun, but for some reason, don't meet too many guys on a daily basis. Most of my friends are married or in LTR, so I don't really even have friends anymore.. If I knew, for sure, that I will meet someone else, I would happily let this one go. But this seems like my last option. I do see his flaws for sure. But, I loved him enough to make it work.

 

I know, in my heart, that he said the "never" date again thing because he was frustrated and annoyed. But, I feel like if we let things cool off for a year or so, worse breakups than this have had a chance. I never doubted his feelings for me, but I know he's not ready. I know, most likely, he will try to find someone else. So honestly speaking, we will only get back together..if he tries for the next few years, and doesn't find anyone, or gets his heartbroken by another girl.

 

In the meanwhile, I will try to move on...just not sure to where

[Ms Darcy]

Sadly love and committment are very different for men. You are ready to settle down and he is not in that place. He loved you but was not ready for commitment. And he made it clear.

 

The best thing you can do is wait until you move offices. The space will help you accept that it is over.