sittinlow Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I have read so many different things on how NC should work in order to get her back. If after a couple days of starting, she texts me, do I answer back or ignore her? Thats the question really... Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 You have NOT understood what you read then -- because no contact is a means to heal from the break up, not to get her back. However, to answer your question, texts are meaningless. Link to comment
sittinlow Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 I completely understood what I read. I need time for myself to get out of my "rut" that I am in and she needs time to remember the good times we had. Link to comment
vesper Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 you dont answer, thus no contact. Link to comment
jemoeder Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 so reply but dont make it into a convo. ignoring her wont help any of you. but if youre really upset if having contact with dont reply however if you want to get her back, no contact IS NOT THE WAY TO GO. reply in a few hours with the answer to her question. no "i want you backs or i miss you or i love yous" Link to comment
rosasnyder811 Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 You never ignore if you want them back. You let her know that you are working on yourself and you need a few days. However, again, if you want her back---it's a few days, not several weeks, not a month, none of that. At least ask her how she's doing, preferably once a week at least. Keep a casual, light dialogue going. The point is--no contact if used to get an ex back is a mind game. Not a good way to get someone back. I have read so many different things on how NC should work in order to get her back. If after a couple days of starting, she texts me, do I answer back or ignore her? Thats the question really... Link to comment
vesper Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 Im telling you if you ignore them you will have more of a chance of getting them back. Link to comment
rosasnyder811 Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I'm telling you that this is absolutely wrong. You can't fix something without communication. Sorry, but you have the wrong idea about no contact. What you are telling him to do is play a childish mind game which will have no benefit other than to pull them further apart. We are adults, and should communicate as such. Im telling you if you ignore them you will have more of a chance of getting them back. Link to comment
sittinlow Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 well its also allowing me to get time to fix my own problems that are the basis of the breakup. Either way, whether she wants to come back to me or not, I will have a better understanding of myself and make someone happy in the future, whether it be her or someone else. The goal is to win her back by showing her that I have changed. We never had a communication problem. Link to comment
force Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 If she broke up with you and you want her back then you need to eventually go NC, build up to it. Lots and lots of posts state that being her friend will not get her back. Sometimes ex's try to wean themselves off of you by having contact after the breakup, then once they find someone else, poof, they disappear. She is trying to make it easier on herself and ease her guilt if she's still trying to talk to you. You don't have to flat out be a jerk with NC but if she texts wait 4 hours to return a reply, then if she texts again send one back within 5 minutes, then the next time she texts don't text her back until the next day. Slowly ease into NC. Eventually you won't be talking to her at all and she'll realize she's loosing you. You'll find most on this site will say go NC right away and I don't think that's a bad idea either, you don't owe her anything, she ended it, not you. If she asks why your ignoring her just say, if you want to, "I need time." That's it. One thing I'm a fan of is doing NC, but first stating how you feel to her, stating you didn't want the relationship to end, that you love her, etc. or writing her a touching letter, giving it to her THEN going strict NC. This way you layed out all your feelings on the table and you will have no regrets not trying to get back with her. After this the ball is in her court all the way, all you have to do is sit back and relax and start the NC knowing that she knows exactly how you feel and if she wants you back she'll let you know. Get a calendar, mark off each day of NC, that will help you feel strong and feel your accomplishing something. Eventually when the feelings for her fade is when you can reestablish light contact but for now when the feelings are ripe, being her friend will only bring you misery. More often than not I've almost gotten my ex back with NC. It's removing yourself from her life that she will start to remember only the good things and start 2nd guessing her decision. Link to comment
sittinlow Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 thank you force, thats kinda what I was looking for. Link to comment
vesper Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 just a little bit of no contact will get you a long way, by all means communicate, but just be mindful of the power of no contact. Link to comment
rosasnyder811 Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 If you follow his advice and ignore her, you will lose her. Period. If you want to play games and risk losing her forever, then by all means take the risk. Or you can do the mature thing and communicate to her what you are doing. If you need time to heal, she needs to know that she will not hear from you for awhile. AND, she needs to know that if she needs to talk or anything, you will be there for her, you just won't be initiating contact for awhile. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted February 7, 2013 Share Posted February 7, 2013 I have read so many different things on how NC should work in order to get her back. If after a couple days of starting, she texts me, do I answer back or ignore her? Thats the question really... I would assume that she isnt going to text you. If she does, then figure out how to deal with it at that time. You said in another post that you need to get out of your "rut" what rut were you in, and how did you determine you were in a rut? Because she told you so or because a "How to Win Them Back" ebook told you so? Judging by the "She needs time to remember the good times" sentence, Im going with eBook. Remembering the good times isnt always enough. Link to comment
sittinlow Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 I would assume that she isnt going to text you. If she does, then figure out how to deal with it at that time. You said in another post that you need to get out of your "rut" what rut were you in, and how did you determine you were in a rut? Because she told you so or because a "How to Win Them Back" ebook told you so? Judging by the "She needs time to remember the good times" sentence, Im going with eBook. Remembering the good times isnt always enough. No, she texted me last night, I havent talked to her since Sunday. Link to comment
sittinlow Posted February 7, 2013 Author Share Posted February 7, 2013 If you follow his advice and ignore her, you will lose her. Period. If you want to play games and risk losing her forever, then by all means take the risk. Or you can do the mature thing and communicate to her what you are doing. If you need time to heal, she needs to know that she will not hear from you for awhile. AND, she needs to know that if she needs to talk or anything, you will be there for her, you just won't be initiating contact for awhile. She knows that I will always be there to talk if she needs to, but I refuse to continue to be an emotional tampon. I need my time to heal and she left me back in early january, I just now started no contact so I believe its about time to allow myself to heal. I've lost 31 lbs in the last month... now its my time. Link to comment
sittinlow Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 Well, here's the update. I am sitting currently of 10 days of no contact with her minus one day of replying to her text when she said "I am kinda worried about you, are you okay?" I responded with "I am fine, I just have been really busy." She asked if I could even be her friend or if its too hard, I asked her what she wanted and she expressed that she really wanted to be friends. I said "okay," not agreeing or disagreeing. I left it at that and went to church. She texted me twice more, to which I ignored them. One of them was a funny picture, the second one, yesterday was something to do with dogs (shes a huge dog lover) and asked me to put it on my friend's facebook page about his dog... someone she has met maybe 3 times in the year and a half we were together. I didnt respond, nor did I put it on his page. She messaged our mutual friend yesterday evening, out of the blue and asked her "so how is he?" She responded with "fine I guess, I havent really talked to him, but the last I heard, he was getting his things together." She asked "what things" and my friend replied with "you know, his counseling, improving himself, etc." She said "good. I really hope for the best for him. I miss him sometimes and wish that things could have been different." What does that mean? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Means nothing. She is curious because you are not responding the way she assumed you would. And she is very puzzled you aren't chasing her, that you seem happy. So, keep it up. Link to comment
sittinlow Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 so its a good thing? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Well -- I don't know. If you want her to wonder about what you are doing, yes. If you are thinking it is an excuse to break NC, ummm no. And so -- you keep up the counseling and getting your life together -- and the next time you hear from a friend that she is asking, you will think -- so what! Link to comment
sittinlow Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 oh no, im not trying to break NC, but I am using it partly as a means to get her to realize what its like to live without me. Eventually, my goal is to get her back. That being said, that will never happen if I dont make the changes that I need to make for my own self, which I am doing pretty well in I think. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Good for you. Making the changes for you is great -- and if at some point she see then and wants back in -- then you get to choose. You might find that you don't want her back. However, it is imperative that she sees what her life is like w/out you in it. Link to comment
sittinlow Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 Thank you. I never expected after everything that happened that she would begin to miss me, regardless of what it means or not. Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Human nature craves comfort. And having had you in her life -- and then not....the connection remains. The other truism is that she cannot miss you if you hang around. So, going NC and getting on with YOUR life, focusing on YOU and not the relationship -- is what has changed. Link to comment
sittinlow Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 Again, thank you. I will keep ya'll updated as things progress. Link to comment
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