Wow. What I want is really one-sided.

[IAmFCA]

All, I am not sure why I am posting this, but I feel like I should offer it for a mass feeding. I just articulated the following thought (edited for brevity), and am horrified by how one-sided it is.

 

"I would love to wake to a man in my bed, or the recent memory of one.... The man represents something that I get that is for me, that serves me, that is mine and meets my needs. I got that, so now I can go out and serve others."

 

Notice how one-sided it is. I can not even articulate what I do for "him", whoever he might be, other than offer ever-ready companionship - well - except for work and kid responsibilities! - and bake the occasional apple pie.

 

I am pretty glad I have put a relative hold on my dating life!

[oldenoughtoknow]

What prompted you to write this? Have you had what you consider a healthy, caring, egalitarian relationship before?

[IAmFCA]

Was in the midst of an email exchange with a friend and this is the revelation that came out.... Yikes! My ready answer to your question is yes, but its been so long maybe I am no longer a good judge. I am now a fully employed single mom of two, with, apparently, a deep need to "breathe". I have nearly 10 years before the nest empties, so gotta solve this sooner than that.

[oldenoughtoknow]

If you were corresponding with a friend, you don't always express what's in your heart of hearts. Being the single mom of two, I don't see anything wrong with having a selfish fantasy. It alone doesn't indicate that's the way you would necessarily act in a relationship...unless being selfish is a pattern in your past.

[IAmFCA]

This is helpful. Thank you.

 

breathing.

[charity]

i remember reading a love self help book a while back. the psychologist said that when asking people about how they wished their love life could be ALL the people answered with how it benefited them, how it served their needs, what they wanted. never was it mentioned what they intended to give or share with the partner.

so i think what you said or felt is really normal... but yes its a bit selfish and great that you've realized that and can work on it now!!

[IAmFCA]

Thank you charity. Interestingly, I shared my comments with a sweet man who has fallen deeply in love with me despite my warnings and my hang-ups on my ex. What will come of it, I don't know. But his reaction was: when someone loves you, they will give you these gifts and your gift back to him will be how comfortably you accept them.

 

I had forgotten about the act of loving in such an innocent fashion. It was nice to hear him say it.

 

And, yes, I am so glad to have articulated my desires. Now, I am working on my benefits. Warm apple pie doesn't seem to cut it, but its a start!

[Not a rookie]

And, yes, I am so glad to have articulated my desires. Now, I am working on my benefits. Warm apple pie doesn't seem to cut it, but its a start!

 

Benefits: You should try whipping out rib eye stakes and spare ribs instead. Men love that....lol

[IAmFCA]

NAR you are SO right, and so do I! I have always rejected the idea of cooking to slay my prey, but I think I had better turn up the heat if I am going to get the service I desire. ;-)