Don't understand dating anymore...

[belfiore]

Let me start off by stating I have been single for about a year and a half after a 10 relationship..so, I don't know much about the dating scene and how it supposed to work properly. Since the breakup, I have been pretty much 'having fun' if you will and just being by myself figuring out what I want. I recently joined an online dating site and have gone on a few dates. The most recent date was a little over a week ago on a Sunday. We met for coffee and hit it off pretty well. He texted the next day setting up a date for Thursday and Thursday's date went really well; we kissed and pretty much made out for a while...I set up the next date for the following day on Friday and that went really well, great conversation, he held me, kissed..etc. We have a lot in common from family to interests and we even graduated from the same high school..different years though. After Friday night, it's been kind of quite..he'll text but nothing that would be considered personable..for example, the other night he texted me "So...tired...I had no energy at work today. I don't get it..does he want me to feel bad for him or what is the deal? I guess I should mention that he is in the Air Force and says that he is going to be deployed in 4 weeks. I don't want to seem needy or desperate so I don't really text him much..but I do want to go out again..I'm just not sure why he is being passive. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you.

[LoveSoDeep]

Maybe he's being so passive b/c you're being so passive. It does sound like he likes you but he could be afraid to get into anything serious with his possible depolyment coming up.

 

When guys send me little texts about their day I see that as a sign thatthey just want to share the little things in their life with me which I think is a good sign. Show a little empathy but don't go overboard and ask questions to keep him engaged or he'll probably think you've lost interest.

[belfiore]

I'm pretty sure he does like me...I just don't want to be perceived as needy or desperate if I text him more than he texts me. In one of our conversations that we had he did mention that he was no very good at talking to women, so maybe that plays a role in this craziness. I don't know...I suppose I'm just over thinking it.

[LoveSoDeep]

If you think you might be overthinking it....you probably are!

 

Just respond as you would to a friend...if a guy says "So...tired...I had no energy at work today" I say....somethng like I know the feeling....or One of those days, huh? jsut so he knows I got it and I do kinda care about his well-being. Some guys do want you to gush and worry over them and you'll know soon enough if he's just bad at starting conversations or he's really fishing for sympathy. If the texting is around 50/50 intiated by both of you that's fine...try to keep things even don;t make him work for everything or he'll get worn out...but aslo don;t chase after him texting all the time or you'll appear needy....50/50 is the safe middle ground.

[Not a rookie]

You are trying too hard. Men interpret trying too hard as desperation. Stop texting him.

[Batya33]

I would save the chit chat texting for when you're dating more seriously. Avoid being his chat buddy and I'd also have a few days at least between dates so it's not too much too soon. I'd limit the texting from now on to making/confirming plans and then maybe do a phone call if it's been more than 5 days since you've seen each other.

[belfiore]

Soooo...update..we went to dinner last night and then ended up at his place. We did end up having sex, but there was no mention of what we are or what he's looking for and I should have asked..because now I don't want to ask after we had sex, that would be weird, I think. He asked me stay the night so that's a good sign, right?

[LoveSoDeep]

Well from experience sometimes sex happens early on and things progress nicely and sometimes it goes the other way so lets hope for the the nice path here. I'm glad you realize you maybe should have talked about where things were going before you had sex but you are correct in that there's no going back now and right after the fact is not a good idea. However if he is being deployed in 4 weeks you will want to have that talk before he leaves and possibly sooner rather than later. He will be very busy in the weeks leading up to his deployment in perparation for it, and I would guess he'll be under extra stress....so try to be understanding of that but I wouldn't let him leave without knowing.