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Is it normal for parents to be hung up on their child's ex?


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I'm currently going through a situation ( for the past 4 years) where my mother cannot let go of a guy SHE thought was the one ( for me). She still calls him weekly, texts daily, and sees him on occasion when she flies out overseas where we're all from and often refers to him as her son in law. As recent as last year, I noticed she had me in her contacts as Mrs. ( guy's last name) This has caused a huge rift in my family, public embarrassment, and it often brings me down because I am in a promising relationship and have been for years now. I honestly believe this guy is scamming my mom ( he feeds her lines about being in love with me; we have not spoken in 4 years and i hardly know him). Mind you, normally she is very level headed. She is intelligent and has several advanced degrees. However, she just cannot let go of this boy. She seems to be having trouble adjusting to me being an adult and cannot fathom the idea that I actually have ideas/thoughts of my own. She has been quoted as saying nothing, not even me getting married to someone else will ever stop her from letting go of the notion of me and this guy.

1. Is this normal? Does it have anything to do with no longer having little children to care for?

2. What can I do?? I should note that I have a normal relationship with my dad who is just as puzzled and disgusted by her behavior.

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Does your mom give the guy money or something? What's he getting out of it?


I feel like, if you've talked to your mom already and told her to please stop, that she's causing you troubles with her behavior, that maybe a behavioral change on your part would be the next step. As in, stop talking to her for awhile. Which would she prefer, a fantasy family that will never be, or a real relationship with her daughter? I would want to find out.


But that's just me and I don't know if that would be right for you. What do you think? What have you considered doing?

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I wonder the same thing ( about her giving him money) there has to be something like that going on...but she denies.

I have thought of doing what you suggested, but my family is so closely intertwined I would have to cut out others in the process. I am at my wits end though. Its been 4 years of this!

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What does your current partner say about it?


I wonder if it would be feasible . . . for your current SO to talk to your mom? "You know, I have been in your daughter's life for _____ and it hurts me that you continue to refer to her ex of four years as her partner." Dose of reality for her?

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That's not normal...


Maybe you can have her go with you to a family therapist, and the therapist can tell her.


If not, then it is up to you to talk with her again- it is very hurtful to you and your SO. So tell her that you feel hurt that she is contacting him behind your back, and that you are extremely hurt that she is not considering the feelings of your SO.


Perhaps you can appeal to your ex? Hopefully someone will set your ex up with someone nice very soon, so he won't have time for your family anymore!

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Maybe it is your mother who is in love with this boy?

Otherwise maybe your mother really opposes your currently relationship?

If she is normally level headed then she has reason to do what she is doing, people don't become intelligent, level headed and with a few advanced degrees only to do things that make no sense. There is a reason behind it, ask her why.

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No it's not normal (imo). Almost sounds like she's having an affair with him as nothing else makes sense.


The only way to stop her doing this is to be very upfront and tell her in no uncertain terms that what she's doing is wrong and disrespectful to you and you would appreciate it that she quits seeing him etc. I doubt it will work as it seems she ignores your feelings, but all you can do is try.

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