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Parents taking big part in my relationship


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Hi everybody,

my fluent language is not english so I apologise for any mistakes.

I just need to share what happened to me the last few months. Any advice or opinion will be appreciated.


A little background - my family is very controlling over my life. I don't live with them since about 5 years, but they call me everyday. They expect me each time to talk long and tell them everything that happened in the day. It doesn't matter if I'm outside with somebody or maybe I'm just tired. They ask what did you do yesterday, what did you do today and what are you going to do tomorrow. I think you get what I mean.


So about three months ago I fell in love with my brother's best friend. Let's call him M. My brother thinks M is not a good choice for me. He has his reasons. Some of them are that M is divorced, smokes marijuana and sometimes uses some other drugs. And he did everything possible so me and M to not be together. He told everything to my mom and dad. There were a lot of screaming and crying. They all tried to make me leave him. But I did not give up.


I lied them twice that I'm not with him while I was with him. He was living at my home for some time. They got my whole skype history and read all my communication with him. They made analysis on my relationship with him. What I'm saying.. what he is saying and so on. M knew everything that was going on. I told him everything.


The last time they found out he was at my home again they came to the city I live in (300km away) and took my car (it's theirs - I'm just driving it). It was like "You chose him so you lose us". But I didn't give up again - I said OK.. if that's the only choice I get.


Unfortunately the same night me and M get in to a big fight. He told me some very bad things. Like I didn't give him anything, like I'm very stupid and so on. I got very angry at him and told him to leave my home. Before all that my relationship with him was very good.


I hope you got the picture. And now I'm very confused.. I don't know how to proceed.

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If he does drugs I can see why they are worried.


Your parents do sound a bit over bearing but I'm sure it's because they care and don't want you to end up with someone who takes drugs on a regular basis. If he called you stupid etc that's not the sign of a nice guy.


I think maybe you should try talking to your parents and explain you love them but their actions are not appropriate and are a breach of your privacy and freedom.

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what age are you?

i'm sorry about your break up, you must be hurting.

your parents were out of order. probably they always will be. they do not own you and cannot and should not try to control your choices in life. that is not their role. i can understand they were concerned but they took this to a very unhealthy extreme.

personally i admire you for not breaking under their ultumatium. it may teach them not to use their position as your parents as a bargaining tool.

since they are the ones that issued the ultumatium i would not contact then . they will find out you have broken up with M through your brother and no doubt they will contact you then. when they do i would respond positively but in no uncertain terms let them know that they were OUT OF LINE and they do not get to ever behave like that again if they disapprove of your future choices.

its up to YOU to set the boundaries seeing as they have none. do not be afraid to ignore their phone calls if you are busy, or tell them you cannot speak because you are busy . you need to SHOW them that you are an adult with a private independent life and they need to respect that.

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I'm 24 years old.


I tried to not pick up the phone few times. But the moment we get in touch they start yelling 'why are you not picking up the phone?!?' and I say 'I was not in a mood to talk - that's why.' And then - 'You were not like that before you met him. He changed you a lot. You're acting like that because of him. Are you a junkie? Do you use drugs?' and so on.. They blame M for my actions.. they can't understand that this is because of them.

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