Dating = challenge

[Ladytmt]

So I'm starting to date again after my horrid breakup w/ my ex who cheated and left me for the girl i caught him with and I see dating is going to be a challenge.

This one guy I exchanged numbers with and when we talked on the phone I just lost interest!! He talked about himself the entire time and I found myself kind of dosing off and then he started saying his sex drive was high and how much he loved giving oral sex to women I just made up an excuse to get off the phone at that point. I mean WTH? All of that for one conversation??? what happened to first impressions? This guy was younger than me though so maybe that's why he rambled so much who knows.

Next guy I thought was a good prospect... Hes older than me, Owns his own business, no kids, never married. We'd talked on the phone and had great conversations. With this guy I actually got to talk he didn't talk about himself the whole time. So we decided to go on a date. We went out to eat and I noticed he smacks really bad and loudly when he eats and he had some other bad mannerisms that kind of turned me off/ grossed me out so I'm not as interested in him but he's still interested in me. I'm not sure what to do on this one but its like I'm not attracted to him.

 

I mean is dating this hard? Has anyone ever had these kinds of experiences? It frustrates the heck out of me how the right person falls in some people's laps and its hard for me. Sometimes I even think that was it for me after my ex betrayed my trust as if I don't think I can love again. I know people say be patient and it takes time but some time I feel "tired" to the idea of dating.

[quirky]

I think what you feel is very common. I feel it too and I have seen many other posts expressing that frustration. There are so many different scenarios out there it seems.

 

Apparently it all falls into place after a while. Many people go through phases with it, trying to date, then giving up, then trying again.

I don't know how long it's been after your BU but you do need so me time to get the pain out of your system.

 

I will regurgitate the good old advice of 'don't take it seriously' but I'm a hypocrite because I personally do..lol

[Leftright]

It is difficult, theres no doubt about it. I can attest. I have gotten to the point where I'll date for while, not meet anyone worth my time, take a break from it to recharge, and then try again. You just have to be patient they say, but in my case, my patience wears thin. I think this current break I'm on may turn out to be permanent, because after giving it my all, and ending up with nothing, i kind of take it as the universe's way of telling me that I'm better off alone.

[Ladytmt]

It is difficult, theres no doubt about it. I can attest. I have gotten to the point where I'll date for while, not meet anyone worth my time, take a break from it to recharge, and then try again. You just have to be patient they say, but in my case, my patience wears thin. I think this current break I'm on may turn out to be permanent, because after giving it my all, and ending up with nothing, i kind of take it as the universe's way of telling me that I'm better off alone.

 

Yeah, I agree with u 110% I feel like sometimes maybe I am better off Alone but at the same time I don't want to spend the rest of my life that way. It sucks sometime and is beyond frustrating for me. Its like the more frustrated I get the more I hate my ex!!!!

[Ladytmt]

I think what you feel is very common. I feel it too and I have seen many other posts expressing that frustration. There are so many different scenarios out there it seems.

 

Apparently it all falls into place after a while. Many people go through phases with it, trying to date, then giving up, then trying again.

I don't know how long it's been after your BU but you do need so me time to get the pain out of your system.

 

I will regurgitate the good old advice of 'don't take it seriously' but I'm a hypocrite because I personally do..lol

 

My breakup will be 2 years in July. And I've hurt for a long time and today it's still sensitive especially when people say "you're beautiful, why are u single" when people say that it really upsets me because of that 1 person who didn't want me. Amazing how 1 person and his actions can affect u.

Still hurts deep down but I felt it was time for me to at least try to be in the company of a male.

[Leftright]

Yeah, I agree with u 110% I feel like sometimes maybe I am better off Alone but at the same time I don't want to spend the rest of my life that way. It sucks sometime and is beyond frustrating for me. Its like the more frustrated I get the more I hate my ex!!!!

 

Me niether. Remaining single for the rest of my life is the last thing I want also, but I think we have to look at the bright side here. Neither of us are stuck in a bad relationship. I'd rather not waste my time dating people who obviously aren't right for me, and over the last decade, it's all I've gotten. I choose the single life if this is all it is going to be.

[LoveSoDeep]

I think everyone puts up with some of the same....there are so many men I just don't click with and then there's one I think I might click with....and of course thre's some red flag or glaring flaw. The last guy I thought I really liked was selfish, and immature and may have had mental issues he never shared with me! lol

 

As for the guy who ate too loudly...I would geuss that's a big part of the reason why he's single...I wonder if he knows or even cares? I'd be tempted to accept another date with him just so I could try to politely bring it to his atention. I mean one of 2 things could happen...he could blow up and say "yes I know just deal with it or get lost"....or he could say "really? no one ever told me that before....hmmm" ...and at that point you could tell him it's putting you off so you'd appreciate if he tried eating more quitely and see if he gives it a shot....if he's willing to try and you like him otherwise it could be a non-issue.

[Solo Pilot]

As for the guy who ate too loudly...I would geuss that's a big part of the reason why he's single...I wonder if he knows or even cares? I'd be tempted to accept another date with him just so I could try to politely bring it to his atention. I mean one of 2 things could happen...he could blow up and say "yes I know just deal with it or get lost"....or he could say "really? no one ever told me that before....hmmm" ...and at that point you could tell him it's putting you off so you'd appreciate if he tried eating more quitely and see if he gives it a shot....if he's willing to try and you like him otherwise it could be a non-issue.

 

Excellent advice. Remember no one is perfect and you might have some gross or bad mannerisms that might turn him off too.

[pl3asehelp]

It's definitely hard, but you're making it even harder by turning what could be insignificant things (how he eats) into significant things that affect your attraction.

[Ladytmt]

Me niether. Remaining single for the rest of my life is the last thing I want also, but I think we have to look at the bright side here. Neither of us are stuck in a bad relationship. I'd rather not waste my time dating people who obviously aren't right for me, and over the last decade, it's all I've gotten. I choose the single life if this is all it is going to be.

 

Yeah, I'm like at least I sleep in a quiet room at night now! My ex snored like hell and to the point where I didn't rest good at all!!! Now I'm so well rested its great! Lol.

[Ladytmt]

Excellent advice. Remember no one is perfect and you might have some gross or bad mannerisms that might turn him off too.

 

Well at this point it doesn't matter, I can't help how I felt after that date. First impressions are everything to me. I don't smack in restaurants or blow my nose loudly at a table and I'm not gonna make myself fall in love with that!!!

[Ladytmt]

It's definitely hard, but you're making it even harder by turning what could be insignificant things (how he eats) into significant things that affect your attraction.

 

As I told another person...Well at this point it doesn't matter, I can't help how I felt after that date. First impressions are everything to me. I don't smack in restaurants or blow my nose loudly at a table and I'm not gonna make myself fall in love with that!!!

[Sportster2005]

Try caring less. I don't mean apathetic, or not caring at all. Just a little less. We sometimes burden ourselves by caring too much at the wrong times about the wrong things. Care more about just trying to live a happy life. You will be less frustrated. That will translate into being more approachable and attractive.

[Steve75]

Dating will always be challenging because everyone has a "checklist"

[Ladytmt]

Dating will always be challenging because everyone has a "checklist"

 

I agree, but I'm just at a give up point now. Sometimes I feel like my ex is the only one I'll ever love or have loved. It seems to fall in some peoples lap (love that is) while the rest of us struggle I mean hell he cheated on me to find his soulmate because he's marrying the girl I caught him with. Seems it fell in his lap but me... ill never be that lucky.