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Broke up with me because I need to "Grow and Mature"


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Hey everyone. So me and my 3 year boyfriend had a fight last week about money. He owes me quite alot, I am ten years younger than him and just started my career and am low on cash.


He pays for most things and is generally a good boyfriend for the past year. But the first two years were really rocky. I took him in and took care of him financially for two months, then he cheated on me, then he broke up with me. We love each other very much, but let me tell you when I say he is really messed up emotionally. He used to have big gambling problems but stopped pretty much after a year into our relationship. He said I was his reason for changing his life and that I showed him what it meant to fight for someone you love.


We broke up a few times after that because he said I would always "fight" the things he says, and that I am "mean". I know I can be rude sometimes and no one is perfect-- I have been dating him for three years, I was 20 when I first started dating him. We have always gotten back together, but while we were broken up he always slept with someone- and that really has always bothered me. He has a big temper problem and can get crazy when he drinks, and sometimes does drugs.


So long story short, things have been great the last year. In the last three months he has been telling me hes going to marry me and propose next year when he gets his finances in order, he cant wait to have children with me. He makes me meet all his family and extended family, and tells them and all his friends hes going to marry me.


He has been very good, but we got into an argument about money. He owes me a good amount of money I lent him a few months back, and now I need it. He is planning on going on all these trips for bachelor parties and I was pissed bc he was planning all this stuff without paying me back first. He freaked out, and said I am mean and only care about myself. I have been very very busy with work juggling 3 jobs and the last three weeks Ive been stressed and not so nice to him. I always apologized and he said he understood, but now he wants space and cant handle it.


He said he needed a few days to think, and during that time I needed to get some of my work stuff from his place-- which pissed him off.


We met a few days later, and he broke up with me.


I freaked out for a good 30 minutes, but he kept tryng to talk to me. The only reason I didnt leave was because it was snowing and I was upset and didnt want to crash my car.


I calmed down but it came down to that he said 'I need to grow and mature emotionally, and take this breakup to be independent and not rely on him for my happiness'. He thinks I dont give him enough space and am too dependent on him-- even though hes been smothering me lately! i completely stopped smothering him the last couple of months i barely text him bc of work!


I thought that was what a relationship is about, being someones rock when you need them. I am 23 and starting my career and was/am extremely stressed. I have always stuck it out with him through all his problems.


We broke up three days ago, for good, got into the fight a week ago.


What should I do? He told me hes still in love with me still and doesnt want to hate each other, but this is the best thing and last option for our relationship to survive if there is ever a future. He said hes making no promises that we will get back together, but we agreed not to take anything of facebook or tell many people (since his entire family tree is expecting a proposal soon). I dont know how to feel or act- I feel like hes bipolar. We havent talked at all, and the only thing I have spoken to him about is the money he owes me and when I can expect to get paid since I have no steady paycheck right now.


I really dont feel like I have done alot wrong- I know I can freak out, but its only because of his past behavior that makes me this way. I am working on controlling my emotions and he says I have changed, except for during our breakup he turned it around and said I never changed. And I do trust him, but I do have concerns based off of all the **** he has done in the past. Its only normal. I let him do whatever he wants, I dont care-- people say hes so lucky to be with me and they dont understand why I am with him.


I truly do love him-- Do you think he will come back? How do I deal with this?


Note: He is trying to start his own business right now and is extremely busy.

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It sounds like the only person he's concerned about is himself.

If he were neglecting you somewhat in order to deal with his priorities I'd think it was frustrating, but understandable.

However, a trip WITHOUT you isn't a priority.

I don't care if he's busy establishing himself... So are you & you are owed the monies you lent.

I hate to say this girl, but you're just the 1 he wasted time with while he got on his 2 feet.

If it weren't for you he wouldn't be able to start this business or take these trips, you know?

If he was sincere in spending his life with you he would only be putting his priorities ahead of you.

He wouldn't even CONSIDER going on a trip if he owed you money & he wanted you to succeed the way he is.

You're the girl that got him through the preparatory phase, but I think this relationship is over.


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