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did I scare him off...or might he like me...


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I just moved to town and met a guy that works with me at the after party of the work Christmas party in Dec (ugg, I know). Basically he sat next to me and we hit it off so well (and were drinking) that I ended up going home with him after everyone else left, but we didn't actually have sex...


I travel a lot for work, so we just texted back and forth a bit, flirty stuff, then nothing for two weeks..

After Christmas he texted me to see if I was back in town, but didn't invite me out or anything. About a week later I casually texted him and he asked me to dinner. We went out to dinner and ended up repeating the Christmas party scenario. He then started to send me cutsey texts inviting me over because of bad weather, etc.


I realized this was merely a hookup so I ended up drunk texting him (I know!) asking if he may want to actually date or just "hang out" and that I just wanted to know where he was coming from. He finally told me he finds me hilarious, is attracted to me and was sorry for "kissing me", but didn't want to repeat the pattern he has of jumping into a new relationship, but in a few months "who knows" and that he'd like to still spend time with me. Admittingly, I didn't react well. Nothing horrible, but I gave him an attitude and said "don't worry about it", but later apologized.


Then things got weird.. I kind of ignored him the next day when we ran into each other and it really bugged him. He then was texting me every day, but once things got on good, friendly, terms again he stopped.


I invited him out last Fri with a group of work people and he said he'd love to, but he had family in town. He still hasnt contacted me since Sat where he texted at 730am(!) (to see who all went to the outing). Hmm.. I finally asked him if me asking him to the outing weirded him out and he emphatically said no, he was glad I did....and said he is worried I think he's got issues...but he still.doesn't.contac*t.me.


This whole thing has only been over about 6weeks. Is he just nicely blowing me off? I'm sorry for such a LONG, disheveled text and if you ignore it I totally understand. I can handle honesty if I'm being a drama queen or idiot. It was probably just a dumb hookup and he doesn't want to be mean.

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You know, there's a chance that he's telling the truth. He may actually really like you and is trying to improve himself. When someone has a habit of jumping into relationships and is trying to slow things down, from the outside it probably will look like fits and starts as he wrestles to a medium. I wouldn't count him out just yet. Just hang back and see where he goes with it. And when you do see him, make sure you maintain enough control to not allow it to become a hookup. I'd also date someone else in the interim, just to keep your mind off of him.

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Thank you all for the advice. It was really helpful. Oddly enough, this afternoon he stopped by my office and invited me to lunch. We had a good time, then he was texting me back and forth, joking about something I'd said at lunch. It was just comfortable, but I'm probably in the "friend zone". I guess it's nice to have friends if that's the case, I'm trying to not get ahead of myself..again.

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