bob392 Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 Ok so me and this girl became friends last semester through going on "lunch dates" to eat on campus like every 2 weeks or so, nothing major just casual talk. Towards the end of the semester she kinda hinted that she wanted my help in her calculus/chemistry classes this current semester. After not seeing each other for a few weeks, she came over one night to hang out a little bit and grab my old textbook, but nothing really happened between us. Fast forward to now, she comes over about once a week for help. About 3x so far. I help her, we talk, generally have a good time. She doesn't really give me a good chance to 'make a move' so I haven't. But its starting to kill me now. I'm a guy, I like girls. We get along, and both aren't ugly people and I'd like something more, but idk what to do really. She chills with her own friends on weekends, and kinda just hits me up for help during the week. Also tends to stop and halt text convos on her own (i.e. randomly stop a convo). As a good gesture she brought me a six pack (loose cans in a grocery bag, classy), but I'm like com'on. I try to initiate contact and stuff, play fighting, tickling, rubbing up on her but she never really 'wants' me to do more. I'm like torn between never talking to her again or having a talk about what is really going on here. So is one of us just really stupid, me for just kinda seeing how things unfold? her for thinking that repeatedly going over to a guy's house warrants no attraction? OR is she just being a bad person, not giving two craps about what I really think, just squeezing this out? Any comments and advice would be awesome Link to comment
happyfrank Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 She just wants help. Doesn t seem very interested. Does she have any cute friends that you can make the moves on? Link to comment
EssexMan Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 I try to initiate contact and stuff, play fighting, tickling, rubbing up on her but she never really 'wants' me to do more. I'm like torn between never talking to her again or having a talk about what is really going on here. So is one of us just really stupid, me for just kinda seeing how things unfold? her for thinking that repeatedly going over to a guy's house warrants no attraction? OR is she just being a bad person, not giving two craps about what I really think, just squeezing this out? She's treating you as a friend, not a date or a potential boyfriend. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 She is not stupid, she knows that you are interested. You are mistaken if you think that homework help will pave the way to getting in with her. You are in the friendzone and will stay there. Trying to break through with tickle fights is no way for a guy to get respect. Tell her you are too busy to help her and use that time to focus on new women. This girl wants you for your free tutoring, nothing more. Link to comment
rosasnyder811 Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 Not true. The "Friend" Zone may be where you are now, but that doensn't mean things won't change in the future. You can't know what her thoughts are, though, if you don't ask her. So, talk to her about it. At least you'll know where you stand. She is not stupid, she knows that you are interested. You are mistaken if you think that homework help will pave the way to getting in with her. You are in the friendzone and will stay there. Trying to break through with tickle fights is no way for a guy to get respect. Tell her you are too busy to help her and use that time to focus on new women. This girl wants you for your free tutoring, nothing more. Link to comment
happyfrank Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 rosasnyder811 could be right but based on what bob said. She doesn't seem interested on body language. Link to comment
bob392 Posted January 29, 2013 Author Share Posted January 29, 2013 Ok thanks for the input. Yeah it's kinda disappointingly obvious now. up to this point some of my friends have called me stupid for not just "going for it" and some friends of mine agreed that just letting it play out was the right thing to do. Funny how that was kind of on the divide of friends I know who don't care about women at all and the ones who actually do. Well I did the latter and I guess it just kinda regressed into a friendship, I didn't get rejected or (beyond a shadow of a doubt) green-lighted and we get along well so I guess that's that. Just for sh**s n gigs, what is the correct way to go about this? Stop talking to her all together? She has been tending to contact me over the past 2 weeks or so. Tell her to stop/go away, maybe a little more eloquently? Or tell her I like her, which I do like I said we get along really well and other similarities, which raises its own questions about how to even do that without being weird haha Again thanks for the advice, hopefully I can more easily avoid crap like this in the future. Link to comment
memento Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 Dont even thinking about revealing your feelings.. She knows you like her already.. Shes using you!!!! Stop responding to her texts, and when you do wait hours and give short rresponses... She'll ask whats wrong... Just say nothing..... You gotta learn to stop being the chump or this pattern will repeat for the rest of your life. Link to comment
Mike414 Posted January 29, 2013 Share Posted January 29, 2013 I don't see any garm in telling her how you feel and asking her for more. The signs are not good that she will accept but you gotta ask. If she isn't willing, then drop her like a hot coal. Link to comment
Coily Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 I don't think she's interested and keeps stringing you along, I think you just need to lay it on the line by asking her for a date. No grand professions of you feelings, just ask for a date; if she declines then break contact. You have to take a stand, know that it will not likely go your way, but she'll never be a what if. I have been in the same position, girl wanted my help and I wanted her, I asked for a date and she came up with crazy excuses (and yes once she was washing her hair that night. LOL). I walked away, and her best friend came up a week later and apologized for the girl in question for being a fool and using me. Link to comment
rosasnyder811 Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Just talk to her. Or would you rather sit around wondering "what if?" Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 Just talk to her. Or would you rather sit around wondering "what if?" Or would you rather get a withering reply from her about what she has already clearly demonstrated. She is not interested. Nada, zip, zero. She hangs with other people on the weekend (quality time) and she only comes by to see you when she needs homework help. You try to tickle her and she shrugs you off. Sure, by all means, demonstrate that you truly do not have a clue and ask her about your feelings for her. (gulp) Is it really that unclear to you? Salvage some self-respect and focus on a new woman. Link to comment
oldenoughtoknow Posted January 31, 2013 Share Posted January 31, 2013 It appears you're firmly in the friendzone. The only thing you can do to pull this out is to become much less available for a while. If she asks if everything's okay, that's a sign you're doing it right. Then if/when it appears she's chasing after you a bit, ask her out on a date. You don't "talk" about your feelings. Girls do that with their "friends" (and tutors). You have to make her feel it - break that mold. Link to comment
bob392 Posted February 2, 2013 Author Share Posted February 2, 2013 Well since you guys took the time to throw your 2 cents on the matter, and I do appreciate the feedback, I might as well tell everyone how this ended up. So we were texting several days ago, she hit me up monday morning asking me how my weekend was, etc. Well it turned into a day long conversation and she starts saying stuff like "she needs me" (no joke, she sent a vague text and I asked her to clarify and got back "I need you...") and eventually towards later in the evening I asked her if she wanted to get a drink after we got off work, she said she was exhausted/had a bad day, but rescheduled saying she wanted to pull an "all nighter" with me Tuesday night. So I said sure, an opportunity to figure this out. So Tuesday night rolls around and I hadn't heard from her, and I'm just like whatever this is really starting to become clearly obvious she doesn't view me as much when then she hit me up at 11pm asking if I was awake and If I'd still like to help her, I said yeah to both. She said she would come over after a shower because she got stuck at work. Well that was the last I heard from her that night. I just kinda watched TV and waited. I called her once or twice like at 12:30/1am just to see what had happened. Nothing. She hits me up the next morning saying she was so sorry she just fell asleep and lost track of things. I just said whatever. Done. Next. Inconsiderate and stupid. I mean who does that? I can't decide if it is more mean or dumb haha (try to get me all interested saying "I need you" blah blah, wanting to come over to my place all night, then just not even being nice/smart enough to say oh plans changed last min(still kinda deal breaker on that, but at least nicer)) . But yeah like I said I felt since I asked, might as well say how it ended. Cheers, input always appreciated Link to comment
EssexMan Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 I don't think she's deliberately mean, just very inconsiderate. You're low on her list of priorities, so put her low on yours. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Sorry this happened to you but you let it happen. As Essex says, you are very low on her priorities. This has been consistently demonstrated on her side with her behavior. Since you like her, however, you are trying to spin any positive sign into proof of a chance of getting with her. When she said she "needs you", she was being honest. She needed the free homework helps she had been receiving. She was setting this up like she was ordering a pizza. Instead, you spun this into another kind of need and another kind of "allnighter" which was totally a dream on your part. It was brutal that she fell asleep and did not even call...but on the bright side, can there be any lingering doubt in your mind now? You are never getting out of the friendzone. Link to comment
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