Break-up After 4yrs, Now I feel Like I'm a puppet.

[flappy188]

To Make a long -story short, Me and my girlfiend broke it off after 4yrs or so. I had the NC in for about 2-3 months, this summer. After about the 3rd month mark, we began talking on the computer and phone, Now we have begun to have sex very regulary(more then we used to) And my feelings have totally have came back for her ( I think I feel back in love with her). But i definalty do not get the same vibe from her.

Whenever the topic about how we feel about each other comes up, she gets all pissed and doesnt wanna talk about it ( "I wanna Be Single") is always the response.

I mean i just feel like im being her little sex puppet, I mean she hasnt been with anyone else, but I think i will be dropped like a bad habbit when it does happen. Im just really confused Because my feelings are so strong for her. I just dont think I can be with out her, And everytime I try to Get away I find my self saying "Maybe things will work out" or "If I leave shell definalty find someone else" or " I dont wanna loose her" or "I dont wanna loose the sex" I mean I'm even a secret to all of her friends, cause " they just yell at me for doing this to myself" and I dont wanna hear them", is what she always says. I mean she completely avoids the subject.

 

This is just killin me, I am totally confused and scared. And my fellings of distrust are coming back also! (basically the reason we broke up). I always find my self making up sititions up in my head of "what she could be doing" or "is that what she is really doing".

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I think this is gonna drive me through a wall...HELP!

Thanks guys and if anything doesnt make sense, Just ask and I will try to clarify it!

 

oh I was her first serious boyfriend also! Damn it!!!

 

I mean I was like pretty much healed and now I'm right back where I started when we first broke up....

[antzca2000]

feelings come back quite easily. But i cant see a happy ending for you in this siituation. I mean, if you dont mind the sex, then think of her as your sexual puppet too but go on a look out for other woman.

[catgirl82]

i think your ex is confused. one side of her seems to want to be broken up- otherwise, why would she keep telling you she wants to be single?

 

BUT... why does she hide the fact that shes still seeing you from her friends? it sounds like part of her still feels strongly for you, but she doesnt want to admit it to her friends because she is afraid of judgement.

 

its not fair that your ex wont talk openly with you about this whole situation, and that is probably why youre going insane right now. i think you really need to stand up for yourself and look past your fears and try your hardest to open the lines of communication. dont be scared of the truth, its the only thing that will make you feel sane.

 

in my opinion, i dont think she's using you for sex- there are too many strings attached for it to just be that. she can go have sex with someone else, right? theres gotta be something else that keeps her coming back to you. but its not fair and its not right of her to treat you this way, its tearing you apart it seems

[Berry]

Dear Flappy,

Of course I dont know all the details of your relationship, but it seems to me that your ex is trying to "have her cake and eat it too." You were together for four years, so obviously you're "comfortable" for her (regardless of how strongly she may feel about you at this point romantically) and its easy for her to come to you for intimacy or company - but on the flip side, she doesn't want to be bothered or annoyed with questions about your future together - or how this may be impact you emotionally. I think this is very selfish.

 

I know it hurts to imagine that she might be with someone else, or that she may leave you and find another person, especially because you've been with her for 4 years - and I'm sure she's like a part of you. But you've got to look out for yourself in this situation, because she's looking out for herself. This means, swallowing your pain and letting her go find what she's looking for, and if you want her to come to you on her own free will, I would suggest not showing her how much it hurts to see her with other guys. It's not that great of a feeling to have to always "fight" to keep someone's attention/affection -- that person should want to be there...and you deserve that sort of treatment. Don't shortchange yourself.

 

I say you shut the door on her, and tell her to figure her life out before she comes back.

 

Easier said than done - but nothing easy.

 

That's my 2 cents..

 

Good luck!

[flappy188]

I'm not sure i know what have her cake and eat it too means exactly.

This is gonna be so hard for me if I decide to tell her, Peace!

any other suggestions?

[Francis]

I don't think you ex is using you as a sex toy. Most of the time, women don't need to do that, because sex is for a woman a very easy commodity to obtain. Most of the time too, when a woman does not love a man anymore, she does not desire him anymore. That's the first thing that goes away.

 

She probably still loves you, but she finds that you have some major flaw that will prevent her from being happy with you in the future and she probably is unable to express her feelings. Or perhaps she already told you how she feels, but you have been emotionally unable to digest what she told you.

 

I think you should have a serious conversation together and try to find out what is going on.

 

Good luck!