My sons hate me for divorcing their dad

[ArianaK]

I just filed for divorce 4 months from my husband of 17 years. 2 boys ages 9 & 13. My boys turned against me. They ask how can a mother breakup the family? My eldest even told me he's done with me and doesn't want anything to do with me. He wants to divorce me. He's very vocal about his feelings. My youngest is a bit tougher but I can see the pattern. I love them so much and I keep explaining to them this is not about them and that they didn't cause this. I keep telling them I love them but seems to me it's not sinking in. They live with their dad who is a manipulator and a narcissist. He did fess up to a lot of things (financial issues since he cant hide them). He has a way of manipulating and turning things his way. I went away for the weekend when I told him about the divorce and he called it abandonment. He told me I'm an aweful person for breaking up the family and on and on.

All I want is someone to tell me that its gonna be fine! I'm alone with no other family around I can go to. I just want my boys back. My boys who were so attached to me and so loving and caring. I missed their hugs and their I love yous.

[CatsMeeoow]

So what do your boys know of your feeling of divorce or your reasons?

 

I'm a firm believer that kids should not be drug through the mud and burdened with adult issues but most times when couples do divorce there is clear and long term evidence that the family has been strained for some time.

 

Do you boys feel blindsided because you just kept things bottled up until you couldn't take it anymore hence divorce or were there visual clues to follow for months to years before hand?

 

I guess I'm not sure how long the problems have been going on and how you tried to resolve them with your partner up until this point.

 

I'm sorry it feels that they have taken their father's side. Divorce is painful enough without that.

[Lester]

In time, it should get better.

 

Why aren’t the kids with you?

In the light of the abuse, can you request custody?

[JohnGalt]

Why are you divorcing your husband?