I'm not like most but here is my story...

[thehardestpart]

I have a very good life, I guess you can say I've been blessed, not to say my life was perfect but I would say the good times outweighed the bad. However, for as long as I can remember... I've never wanted to LIVE. It was always a tough task to stay alive, and if it was possible, I would love to trade my life for someone else's. Someone who doesn't have the same chance at life that I do. Which in result, made me feel extremely guilty. Whenever I'd watch sad stories of those who weren't able to live full lives(due to circumstances out of their control), I felt it was very unfair. I would be in tears, that such unfortunate events would befall them, that they weren't able to live longer then they weren't meant to and weren't ready to go. It felt so unfair, why couldn't someone like me, who has a whole life ahead of them, is not allowed give my life away to someone who deserves it? I can't completely describe it these feelings. This is not a cry out for help in any way. I'm an organ donor, so if anything were to happen to me, I have a peace of mind that I am able to save lives of those who deserve and want that chance at life. I have thought about ending my life many many times, but as many of you know, it is not very easy. I feel guilty, I'm a waste of oxygen yet I'm not able to give my life away to those who have a will to live but are not able to.

 

My question is, am I the only person who feels this way? I haven't met many that do. It's usually a case of a bad depression/sadness. This is not the reason in my case. When I'm happy, I feel this way. When I'm sad, it's the same story.

[ExcitedtoSleep]

I hope it was a mistake that you posted in the Suicide section. A person like you does not even need to think about suicide. Unlike many people, it sounds like you have the desire to help others. Have you ever thought about volunteering? I have bouts of depression and I am not really attached to my life like most people, but I have realized that if you can help those who do value their lives and make the most out of their every day, then you can still live a satisfying life. Personally, I hold on loosely to life and I do not worry about the short-term consequences of my actions. When you worry less, you tend to forgive yourself more easily. Can I just ask what things you do enjoy in life? There has to be something that will motivate you to press on to the next day. Please get back to me. And do not even think about taking your life.

[BrianH46]

You're not alone I felt that way for the longest time, the guilt of my parent working 7 days a week putting me through university and med school. I've also had a young cousin pass away a few months ago, during his fight with cancer I remember praying every night, for a few years, that his life be saved in turn for mine. Although I feel that I have so much to live for and be thankful for (loving family, loving girlfriend, bright future) I would often hope that my life is traded away for the betterment of my own family.

[iamkaylee]

I felt that way for the longest time too. After a few things happened, that's when I really realized that life is not fair. We all are dealt a different hand. Bad things happen to good people and sometimes things happen to people for no apparent reason. That's out of our control and we can't change it.

 

What we can do though, is live our lives the best way we can, help others when we are able and accept that you can't help them all. Take one small corner of your world and make that small piece the very best piece you can. Then find another piece you can make just a bit better for someone. If everyone would do that, the world would be a much kinder, gentler place indeed.

[Ayanokōji]

Sorry did you donate one of your own organs to a stranger or someone you were really close to? Because if you donated it to a stranger then you're like on saint level and would be insanely rare to find people like you around.

The average person wouldn't even consider ticking that box on their driver's license that donates their organs should he/she be in an accident and died.

 

For those that think life is not fair, I think it is not whether life is supposed to be fair but rather what lessons you have yet to learn, perhaps the more spiritually advanced people lead a much harder/unfair life because their lessons they need to learn are on a much difficult level than those with primitive spiritual levels. Or it could be the vise versa where the ones with primitive spiritual levels are the ones leading a difficult life so they can grow a conscience/understand and learn more due to harder circumstances?

 

Is life a competition or is life a training ground? If you expected life to be absolutely fair then you are looking at life like a competition where everything is set to be 100% fair (identical) i.e a race.

 

If you saw life like a training ground then those that are trained will take on more difficult courses/challenges because they have the capacity while the newbies will be doing the easier ones right? You don't see a pro marathon runner training in a mere 2 KM run.

[sunniemac]

This is a wonderful way of sizing up the situation. You have helped me too EXCITEDTOSLEEP, even though I am not even close to the feelings of THEHARDESTPART, but I do understand in my own way how that person feels. I like the way you re-focus on the things that you DO enjoy and love in life. Sometimes I feel like I got dealt a raw deal, but your words resonate and I want to thank you for that post. Maybe it's all about changing the outlook. You have helped me tonight