dog stevens Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Anyone else in the same boat? The highest number of dates I've been on with one girl is two dates. I usually just get one or two dates then after that I get ignored. On the bright side I've had about 10 one night stands (I'm 27), but I can't get anything remotely long term. And just to clarify, I've pursued/dated girls that I haven't had one night stands with. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I wouldn't really be interested in dating/having a relationship with a young guy with so many one-night stands. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I wouldn't really be interested in dating/having a relationship with a young guy with so many one-night stands. Me either. Continue doing this and you make yourself more and more unattractive to anyone looking for a relationship. Maybe your idea that sex and love and relationships are all separate things is obvious to women and that's why they wouldn't consider a relationship with you. Link to comment
dog stevens Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 Well, it's not like I wanted the one night stands. It was just all I could get. I'd rather have one night stands than nothing. And I'd obviously rather have a long term relationship than a one night stand. Link to comment
meczam Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 You're pursuing the wrong type of girl. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Well, it's not like I wanted the one night stands. It was just all I could get. I'd rather have one night stands than nothing. Being able to sell yourself out like that and settle I think is actually even worse that someone who has one night stands because that's what they want - women have to be able to sense this about you. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 How are the dates? Does it seem like you'd be good for a third one? Any more information you can give us. Link to comment
gtnovru Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Well, it's not like I wanted the one night stands. It was just all I could get. I'd rather have one night stands than nothing. I was encountering that same issue. Dated probably 10 guys in the last 3 months and most weren't interested in anything serious with me. Some down right treated me like a piece of meat, only good for one thing. I gave into sex with 4 of those guys bc I wanted some affection. I thought I'd never find someone interested in long term with me... then I met an amazing man who adores me, wants to give me the world. Which means... just keep going. Dating is a numbers game. Eventually, you'll find a girl who thinks you are perfect and will go to the moon and back for you. Keep dating but stop having sex with dates... until the right one comes along. Find an exclusive sex buddy... so you can maintain your sexual partners count. For your health as well as not to scare away the one, when she finally comes along and eventually asks you for your sex number. Good luck! Hang in there! Link to comment
EssexMan Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I wouldn't really be interested in dating/having a relationship with a young guy with so many one-night stands. That they would admit to, you mean? It's maybe one a year, which for someone who's not had a relationship in that whole period seems remarkably restrained to me! Link to comment
EssexMan Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 And just to clarify, I've pursued/dated girls that I haven't had one night stands with. So with those girls, what happens on the dates? And why do they stop? Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Find an exclusive sex buddy... so you can maintain your sexual partners count. For your health as well as not to scare away the one, when she finally comes along and eventually asks you for your sex number. Good luck! Hang in there! Or wait until you're in a relationship to have sex even if it means you don't get what you want when you want it. Letting 'the one' know that you used to just have sex with some sex buddy repeatedly you weren't in a relationship with is not much different than having a long string of one night stands in my opinion. Both behaviors say you do not equate sex, love, and relationships. Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I wouldn't really be interested in dating/having a relationship with a young guy with so many one-night stands. I agree, i would accept one or two, but if there is this many in a mans past i would think he had issues with self-control, or was only into instant gratification. I know a guy who completely ruined his reputation in my town for sleeping around with lots of woman (way more than you BTW) and even when he doesn't say anything to the girl, she finds out, word gets around, it has always come back to bite him when it comes to him looking for an actual relationship. How often do you call/text your dates after you have them? what does "pursue" mean to you? Link to comment
dog stevens Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 So with those girls, what happens on the dates? And why do they stop? Well, one girl seemed to be concerned that I've never been in a relationship. Two other girls were concerned that I wasn't working on any film projects. I have a film degree but filmmaking doesn't appeal to me anymore. For some reason girls think that makes me a slacker, but it's really just because I don't want to be a filmmaker. With that being said, one of these girls seemed to be interested in me again once I got a film related job. Another girl got upset because when she was telling me about her trip to Europe she said I didn't seem to care much about it. I always have a bad time when I travel so that's why I wasn't that interested in her story. But this girl was the closest I came to a relationship. I'll try to think of some others. And to clarify some more, I don't tell girls about the one night stands, so it's not like that could be the reason they reject me. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 It's easy to tell who has casual sex without them admitting it, so they they might not know a number or anything, it's still obvious. So the girl telling you about her trip. In a relationship, you need to respect and have interest in what your partner is telling you, even if it's not something you yourself like to do. I can understand why she was turned off - it's selfish. Girls might be concerned that you have a degree in something it sounds like you don't plan on every working in since you aren't interested in it. Do you have another career plan? The women worth your time and who would be good partners are going to at least want you to have a plan. Link to comment
EssexMan Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Well, one girl seemed to be concerned that I've never been in a relationship. Fair enough, that would be a concern for some girls. They might think you have been sleeping around way more than you have. Others won't care so much. Two other girls were concerned that I wasn't working on any film projects. I have a film degree but filmmaking doesn't appeal to me anymore. For some reason girls think that makes me a slacker, but it's really just because I don't want to be a filmmaker. With that being said, one of these girls seemed to be interested in me again once I got a film related job. That suggests they were more interested in film-making than in you. You didn't talk it up a lot, did you? Another girl got upset because when she was telling me about her trip to Europe she said I didn't seem to care much about it. I always have a bad time when I travel so that's why I wasn't that interested in her story. I'm not sure that follows logically! I don't tell girls about the one night stands, so it's not like that could be the reason they reject me. Fine, you don't need to, and they shouldn't ask, certainly not on early dates. How are you seeking dates? Have you tried online? Link to comment
dog stevens Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 It's easy to tell who has casual sex without them admitting it, so they they might not know a number or anything, it's still obvious. Eh, some people think I'm a virgin actually. Link to comment
EssexMan Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 It's easy to tell who has casual sex Really??????? "Obvious" players are, well, obvious - of course - but that's as far as it goes. So the girl telling you about her trip. In a relationship, you need to respect and have interest in what your partner is telling you, even if it's not something you yourself like to do. I can understand why she was turned off - it's selfish. Yeah, it would come accross that way. Girls might be concerned that you have a degree in something it sounds like you don't plan on every working in since you aren't interested in it. Do you have another career plan? The women worth your time and who would be good partners are going to at least want you to have a plan. Absolutely. It doesn't matter if you don't use your degree (lots of people don't), but it helps if you come accross as somebody who's going somewhere - if not professionally, at least with personal passions. (E.g. you might have a dead-end job but be very successful at some sport or hobby.) Link to comment
meczam Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 It's easy to tell who has casual sex without them admitting it, so they they might not know a number or anything, it's still obvious.. Really? That's news to me. I wasn't aware casual sexers give off some sort of signal. Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 dude, no one is expecting you to be a virgin, but any girl worth her salt is not gonna wanna be with someone that is indiscriminate when it comes to sex, it screams of poor self-control and low standards. a few one nighters is usually easy dismissed but too many, and too many FWB's is detrimental to your image. and yes, many woman can tell what type of guy you are without you telling your number. I wasn't aware casual sexers give off some sort of signal. guys i have dated that were casual sexers, had a hard time not keeping their eyes off my body, and others girls' bodies in the early stages, they also talked about sex (innuendo's) too early, and tried to get physical early. they tended to rush things too Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 You're pursuing the wrong type of girl. I think so too. If these one night stands are falling in your lap, and you say you aren't even looking for them. So how does it get sexual so quickly? Also, how do you usually meet and end up on date one with the women who you see? Something is getting you stuck right out of the starting gate. What is it you are looking for with a woman? I sense you may be putting off a vibe of apathy. Link to comment
dog stevens Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 Girls might be concerned that you have a degree in something it sounds like you don't plan on every working in since you aren't interested in it. Do you have another career plan? The women worth your time and who would be good partners are going to at least want you to have a plan. I am pursuing a career in the audio/visual field. I've already moved up a little over the past few years and can see myself making around six figures in about ten years if I stick with it. The problem is that these girls expect me to work on my own projects outside of work, which would cost me lots of me and I'd have to quit my stable A/V job because filmmaking takes too much time to do on top of a full time job. Plus the AV job has benefits so I don't want to quit it. Link to comment
EssexMan Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 someone that is indiscriminate when it comes to sex too many FWBs We are talking about a 27-year-old guy who implies he has had sex about ten times. In, presumably, the better part of a decade. I can't see how that's "too many" or "indiscriminate" in anyone but a monk's book! casual sexers, had a hard time not keeping their eyes off my body, and others girls' bodies in the early stages, they also talked about sex (innuendo's) too early, and tried to get physical early. they tended to rush things too For sure. Doesn't seem the OP is doing that, though. Link to comment
EssexMan Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I am pursuing a career in the audio/visual field. I've already moved up a little over the past few years and can see myself making around six figures in about ten years if I stick with it. That's good, and not exactly wasting your film degree, either...it's a related field. The problem is that these girls expect me to work on my own projects outside of work, which would cost me lots of me and I'd have to quit my stable A/V job because filmmaking takes too much time to do on top of a full time job. Plus the AV job has benefits so I don't want to quit it. In other words they want to go out with a film-maker, not with you. Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 We are talking about a 27-year-old guy who implies he has had sex about ten times. In, presumably, the better part of a decade. I can't see how that's "too many" or "indiscriminate" in anyone but a monk's book! hey it might not be for some girls, but others might find that too many, personally i would, that's just me because i'm a relationship girl, and when i look for relationship minded men, i don't want one that has had almost a dozen one night stands. I am just expressing my opinion, but i'm sure there are many other woman who think like this too. Link to comment
dog stevens Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 In other words they want to go out with a film-maker, not with you. Well, I guess bragging to their friends that they're dating a filmmaker sounds better than saying they're dating an audio/visual technician. Link to comment
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