Dated, Became friends, admitted feelings and now its awkward! Any Advice?

[UnknownUser87]

Hey Guys, Ill try to keep the background story as short as possible.

 

I met this girl through work and we went on a couple of dates which went well, however I avoided commiting to more or showing my feelings as i was a little worried about lowing my guard again after being hurt. We stayed friends and kept in contact most weeks. Around christmas we both revealed that we had feelings for each other despite claiming to be just friends and I tried to arrange meeting up to see her but she came down with the flu.

 

Well couple weeks ago my friends were talking about regrets of 2012 and i realised that I really did want to be more then friends with her so i phoned her and left her a message (it was pretty late) saying how i felt. She admitted next day she felt the same but she didnt want to risk ruining our friendship, i explained why i hadn't said anything before and she suggested talking about it face to face but also then turned down a plan we'd made to hang out before i'd said anything.

 

The conversation felt a little awkward after that, so i decided to put my feelings to one side and told her id been wrong to drag it all up and that id rather have her in my life as a friend then more and i was sorry. She phoned me a couple hours later and told me she'd been thinking on what i'd said and thinks we're both adults enough that if it didnt work out we could probably still be friends and that we should just go with the flow.

 

Thing is i'm not quite sure what to do now, We can't meet up for a few weeks due to other commitments and we don't live that close to each other that could meet for a drink after work easily. Any advice on how to act around her that won't appear to awkward or too forceful that i want more then friendship?

[RedDress]

She phoned me a couple hours later and told me she'd been thinking on what i'd said and thinks we're both adults enough that if it didnt work out we could probably still be friends and that we should just go with the flow.

 

Why do you want to be "not too forceful" about wanting a relationship? She's pretty much said that she wants one too.

 

No offense... but you (yes, YOU) are sending a whole lot of mixed messages. First you like her, then you back off. Then you like her again, then you tell her that you'd rather stay friends. Then she tells you she likes you too, now you want to back off. It's exhausting, really.

 

First - you should probably decide what you want. Then, if you want to be with her (and won't back out again) - you should go after her. Flirt more, wink more, touch her a little more and talk about when you can get together. Confidence is sexy - and right now you are not being very confident in what you want.

 

... just my opinion.

[paradisa]

Seems like she lost interest in you when you didn't initially commit to her. It appears she has moved on from from you by now.

 

In the future, if you're into a girl, you need to make a move and keep her around! All of this not committing, then pouring your heart out much later, then telling her you just want to be friends (when you don't just want to be friends) is just all over the map - and girls don't like dealing with men who are so wishy-washy about their actions.

[Ljion]

Lost your chance sorry. Its hard but next time make a decision and stick by it. Good luck

[rosasnyder811]

Don't listen to all the negativity on here. It's childish. If you care for each other, then things will eventually be as they should be. Stay in contact. Be friends. Don't keep offering her friendship, because then you WILL be stuck there forever if you still have a chance.

Just be together. Whatever is supposed to happen from there, will. Don't ever give up when you care about someone. Don't give up until it is absolutely over.

 

However, stop with the mixed messages. Don't talk about being "friends" or being in a "relationship" because you are both obviously insecure about this. For now, don't label it, just BE.

When the time comes and you are secure with one another, THEN define what you have. You may both find how much stronger you are for taking the time.

[UnknownUser87]

Don't listen to all the negativity on here. It's childish. If you care for each other, then things will eventually be as they should be. Stay in contact. Be friends. Don't keep offering her friendship, because then you WILL be stuck there forever if you still have a chance.

Just be together. Whatever is supposed to happen from there, will. Don't ever give up when you care about someone. Don't give up until it is absolutely over.

 

However, stop with the mixed messages. Don't talk about being "friends" or being in a "relationship" because you are both obviously insecure about this. For now, don't label it, just BE.

When the time comes and you are secure with one another, THEN define what you have. You may both find how much stronger you are for taking the time.

 

Thank you for everyones comments, the negativity is fine i kind of deserve it and i'm already aware of fact i've messed up. I'll try to remain in contact although she seems resistant to meeting up even before i told her how i felt. I've tried a couple of times with the first time her cancelling as she had the flu. But since then its a bit difficult because she doesn't have a car at the moment. To be honest this situation was what i had hoped to avoid because i've been hurt in the past and also accused by one person of being to "full on" which meant i can be cold at times because i'm worried about being to full on and getting the same response

 

My reason really for posting was that she seems to blow hot and cold. Like one moment she's very chatty and up for meeting up and the next day she will be cold and unresponsive. Have asked her to meet up next weekend although she's declined because she's going on a night out the night before and said she probably won't be feeling up to anything. She has suggested the following weekend so i'll see if i can arrange something then instead.

[rosasnyder811]

It looks to me like you are overthinking. Reconciliation is not an instant process. One or both of you are going to be hot and cold at times. It's part of the process. Getting back together is a risk, and there are fears attached to it. So it's absolutely natural for her to be open to you one day, and closed the next. Just don't pressure her, keep things light and casual.

It sounds like she is legitimately having trouble meeting up with you. She's staying in contact, so that's a positive. Keep that in mind. You have to trust her, or there is no point.

If she says no to meeting up again, maybe the suggestions are what are bothering her. Suggest coffee or something. Dinner might be too intimate for the first time. A walk, or something.

If she says no, ask her if there is a better time that she can suggest. Involve her in the process, don't just put her on the spot.

 

It sounds like you are in a good place. Just be patient. I know it's hard.

[UnknownUser87]

Hey, thanks again for taking the time to reply. Your suggestions are good, she's agreed to meet up weekend after this one coming so we'll have to see if she sticks to that. Its just a bit difficult i think as we've always kept in contact loads but recently its cooled off even before i said how i felt. She's less chatty then before although i'm sure thats mainly because she has a new job and is busy trying to get her car sorted. I have a habit of overthinking things unfortunately especially when it comes to feeling like i'm getting the cold shoulder.

 

I haven't heard off her today so ill leave it for a couple and see what happens and whether i here anything from her. I guess I'm also shocked at her come back as mentioned in my first post which was from a negative stance that it would ruin our friendship to one that it potentially wasn't off the cards now

[Steve55]

Don't listen to all the negativity on here. It's childish. If you care for each other, then things will eventually be as they should be. Stay in contact. Be friends. Don't keep offering her friendship, because then you WILL be stuck there forever if you still have a chance.

Just be together. Whatever is supposed to happen from there, will. Don't ever give up when you care about someone. Don't give up until it is absolutely over.

 

However, stop with the mixed messages. Don't talk about being "friends" or being in a "relationship" because you are both obviously insecure about this. For now, don't label it, just BE.

When the time comes and you are secure with one another, THEN define what you have. You may both find how much stronger you are for taking the time.

 

"Negativity on ENA"??? Surely you can't be serious! LOL. (Sarcasm mode off)

 

Seriously, I agree with Rosa's post...This can still be pulled out of the fire if you both want a relationship. It's true, she may have moved on, but you'll never know for sure unless you talk it out.