How to move on

[titan]

Hi guys i am new to Posting but i have been reading for a while.

 

Well this is my story. There was a chick that wanted to go out with me for 2 years, finally we went out and our relationship lasted for 2years and 8 months. It was a good relationship unitll she said she wanted to break for one sememster at uni. Me and my stubborness said no why should we in the following months we broke up and i did everything wrong i never left her alone. I called and smsed all the time and emailed.

 

When we broke up she said we were like brother and sister and her feelings have changed etc. she never said she wanted to get back together until now she as said she always wanted to but now sees me in a different light because i didn't leave her alone for uni, i just kept bothering her and if i loved her i would of suffered in silence. Which is true. I was so weak she now is interested in a new guy and has no intention of getting back together because i chased her.

 

I just couldn't do the NC for even 12 weeks. How do i heal

[LostWithoutYou]

Just leave her alone...and cut off all contact is the only way to heal...

[Ated]

Well if u go to the 'healing after a break up' section and look at "HOW TO GET OVER AN EX!", you might find it useful.

 

 

[titan]

Done that, this site as helped, but i keep calling. i guess i just need to be stronger.

[HereItIs]

If you are nothing without a woman and need a woman, it isn't going to work. If you love a woman, it still won't work unless you are strong by yourself and not needy. Maybe it is biological, but a guy who can't stand on his own when a woman walks away, isn't going to be the kind of man a woman wants, if she is a healthy woman.

 

So, just realize that you are not worthy of her love if you aren't strong enough to live without it. Because biologically she needs a man who could take care of kids if she died, rather than collapsing.

 

Life is tough, and if you want to win, you have to be tough. But be kind as well.

[HereItIs]

Do adventurous things. Find another woman. Believe me, if you find another wonderful woman, you will not think about your ex for a second. But without another wonderful woman, do adventurous things. Make sure you put things into your life so you have something to look forward to at this tough time. Write. Do art.

 

Good luck!

[bzborow1]

Firstly, do one thing you wouldn't normally do. Whether that's taking a class, dance lessons, working out, whatever. Just to try some new experiences.

 

Secondly, learn from your mistakes! It probably was your neediness that drove her away so you should learn to not do that in the future. After all we want what we can't have right?? (challenge)

 

Lastly, go out and meet other women. Talk to lots of them, experiment, play, shop around. Pretty soon you'll realise there's other's out there.

[DBL]

Hey Titan,

 

I think that is BS that she said she sees you in a different light because you kept bothering her. Her mind was made up the day she said she wanted a break, she is just trying to pass blame on you. So don't feel guilty, you calling, messaging, and emailing her didn't change, it was already in that direction. Even if you left her alone you would be in the same situation, but without her throwing the guilt on you.

 

Look at it this way....4 years and 8 months ago you didn't even know her, you don't need her if you lived without her before. Although depressed, but you been surviving without her now too. Your relationship with her is a done deal, its not going to happen. I can tell just by what you told us she said. Take one day at a time and move on. Things will fall back in place. We all feel like that after a relationship, then we meet someone else and we forget about the last one.

 

Good Luck.

DBL

[DragonGirl724]

ok, for one, i was in your boat for the past 8months of my breakup, so i know how you feel...but i woke up & i hope you can soon see too that she isnt not coming back b/c you 'chased' her. its simply set in her head & in her heart she isnt going to be with you, at least not right now. ive had exs chase me & i didnt not take them back b/c they 'chased' me. i didnt take them back because i simply didnt WANT TO. dont beat yourself up b/c of something you did or didnt do. no strategy or method can make someone love you. plus, you never want to secretly manipulate anyone into being with you. if their heart yearns for you, whether you 2 talk or dont talk, whether you see eachother everyday or once every 10 yrs, they will come back to you. BUT if its not what they want, then im sorry no 'strategy' can bring them back. its as simple as that. the heart wants what the heart wants. this is LOVE we're talking about this isnt like hunting or something, where if you just stay quiet you wont scare off what what your aiming for. this may be a little harsh but TRUST ME PLEASE BECAUSE ITS TRUE! NC can make someone miss you, but then again it can also make someone forget you. it all comes down to what they truly want for themselves.

 

"Absense diminishes mediocre passions & increases great ones, as the wind blows out candles & fans fire."

 

leave her be, & i said this to another heartbroken poster: "think about YOURSELF as much as you think about YOUR EX, & you'll see how much better & further along you are..."

 

i hope you really take in what i said..

 

maybe this may help: link removed

 

 

goodluck & take care of yourself,

-DG724

[me4ta]

Just to let you know when I was pursued by one guy recently that I wasn't interested in, I was trying to throw some hints and even later told him I was not interested - when he kept pursuing - that only started annoying me and I couldn't even look at him as my friend anymore, he was more of a guy that I decided to avoid ALL THE TIME.

 

That's what it does. I don't think it's true that her mind was made up in the very beginning, she was probably maybe thinking that you could stay friends or something, but sometimes presistance works against us so she might be annoyed by you, that's why she said what she said.

 

Anyways, I don't think that you CANT stop bothering her. YOU CAN. All of us went through same stuff and it was hard but we are all trying and sticking to our NC rule. You need to stop blaming yourself, feeling sorry for yourself and hoping that some of us will give you some other option other than NC only because you think you can't do it. YOU CAN, there's no other better option for you to heal so try to be strong, stop contacting her, and take care of yourself.

 

In time, you'll look back at this time and think how silly this whole thing was, I promise.

 

Good luck.

[titan]

thanks guys well, i havn't contacted her for a few days. She called though and invited me to a movie. I declined but offered to see her to give her a ride to a mutual party we are going to.

 

Yeah after the first two days of NC it gets easier.

 

I thought that as well that she is trying to blame me, when really if i didn't do anything she would have said the same thing. Although i think she possibly planned to get back together at one stage or at least was back and forth.

 

But life goes on. I think i realise that calling didn't make me feel better like i always thought it did, it just makes it harder and longer.