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advice from the non-haters please :) need some optimism my way


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ok long story short, my ex took a job in germany... he has always wanted to do this, i was aware of it on our first date. well it happened. rather than just letting him go (we had been dating seriously for 5 months) i drew out the relationship it got ugly we broke up a few months before he left but still kinda talked and saw eachother. we broke up because he didn't feel he could do a LDR for three years and didnt exactly ask me to go with him. however, in retrospect i wouldnt have been happy going to germany and probably it would have ended worse than it did. i believe it happened the way it happened for a reason. ihave now moved back in with my rents and am going back to school for nursing... i am where im supposed to be and so is he.


well we had a big blow out once he got there and havent talked because he wasnt responding to me at all bc i kept saying i love you i hate you i want you in my life i dont want you in my life..... three months later i sent him an email saying im happy where i am im happy in school i got a new job things are as they should be and he impacted my life blah blah. he actually responded back! he said hes proud of me, hes happy he went to germany, hes sorry things ended how they did and he hopes we can be friends and chat more. i gave it a few days and just said i would like that, good to hear from you, keep in touch thinking id hear from him in a while. he wrote right back..... sooooo i know the whole "friends" thing is what people always tell you is a bad thing, theyre keeping you in the friend zone but im hopeful. i think given time and patience you just never know what could happen. in reality it would be REALLY hard to do LDR for three years! so what do you guys think? is this good?

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I'm not entirely sure exactly what you're even asking. You're asking if you should stay friends with him and continue chatting it up with him? Or are you asking if you should try to take it further and pursue a LDR with him?


I don't see anything wrong with staying friends with him, if that's all you're wanting, as long as you're not hopeful it will lead to something more. I wouldn't advise trying a LDR with him, if that's what you're asking.


Your topic title is a little confusing to me as well. It reads to me like, "Just tell me that what I'm doing is exactly what I should be doing!"

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haha im sorry. i guess im asking if im friends with him and it continues to go well.... by the time i am done with school which is going to give me no life for two years... he will be coming home. if things go well as friends and he comes home... should i have hope that we could have a second chance?

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No one can give you a definitive answer on that. A lot can happen in two years. He could find someone else. How would you feel about that while remaining "friends" with him? You could also find someone else. You two could find that you don't quite connect as well as you thought you did and slowly stop talking to each other. He might slowly stop talking to you anyway because of whatever he has going on in Germany. No one knows...


I wouldn't advise you to put your life on hold for him because of hope that when he returns you two can go right back to where you were before.


I don't feel that you have to remove him from your life altogether, though. You two can keep in touch with each other, but I'd advise to leave it at just that, for the sake of protecting your heart.

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Two years is an awfully long time to put your life on hold for someone who you are no longer in a relationship with. If you were still together, I might suggest sticking with it, as two years in the grand scheme of life isn't very long. But now that you are broken up, two years turns into a very long time to hope for a reconciliation. In any event, I doubt that will happen to you. I don't think you will end up waiting for him because eventually you will tire of it and want more out of your personal life. I think if you want to keep in touch and you don't find that painful, then perhaps you can cautiously do so. If he wants to get in touch with you when he returns and get back together (and if you are still single at that point), it might happen. That sort of thing certainly is not unheard of. I know someone who is married to a man she dumped (they were in an LDR) before getting into a long-term relationship with someone else. So yes, this type of thing certainly does happen. However, I wouldn't put your life on hold hoping that it will happen to you. Live your life, be open to the possibilities and then if you're both single and in the same place (my friend kept in touch with her ex and eventually moved back to her home town and reconciled with him, dating him for a few years before getting engaged), you will have the opportunity to start again.

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