Friend-zoned or back up?

[Misaki27]

After 3 months of agony, I have reached the point where I clearly see that my crush was never really interested in me.

 

He told me he just saw me as a friend in the beginning, but continued to act flirty after that. Lately, he initiates lots of conversations about random stuff, telling me I would fit in his group yada yada.

 

I keep ignoring him, hoping he gets the hint (to leave me alone), but everytime I'm almost over him, he comes back again. No other guy ever insisted on being "just a friend" to me or pushed so hard just to be in my company.

 

Am I really being friend-zoned or am I just a back-up plan in case he feels in the mood some day?

[Ayanokōji]

Being friend-zoned falls into the same category as the back up plan, either way he does not harbor an romantic interest in you and that is the key deciding factor. Why cling on something that shows no promise? There are also girls who I have friend-zoned because I liked her personality and got along but have zero romantic feelings/attraction towards her, this is not likely going to change because I have my reasons. If you don't want to be friends with him then go N.C and stop reading his messages/letting him come back.

[lavenderdove]

Some people just like lots of attention and love to flirt, but who they actually date and make their GF is a different story. If he's already told you he sees you as 'just a friend' then don't waste your time or heart on him. there nothing at all for you in being one of his 'worshippers' in a group of people. and frankly it is insensitive of him to pursue you as a friend when he already knows you wanted more. He should be leaving you alone and not trying to force you into a friendship you are not interested in because you have other feelings.

 

Block him on your phone and send his emails to the Spam folder. And start getting out and meeting more guys. He can't force you to be his friend or be around him unless you cooperate. If you are feeling strong enough to do it, then tell them thanks, but no thanks, you wanted to date him and not be his friend, so you need to decline his offer of friendship or hanging out with him. then just cut him off and ignore him if he tries to contact you.

[Misaki27]

tell them thanks, but no thanks, you wanted to date him and not be his friend, so you need to decline his offer of friendship or hanging out with him.

 

I have thought about doing this. So many times. However, we are still colleagues so I have to see him at uni and he will NOT give me an easy time over this. And the other trouble I have is my pride. I know it was wrong of me to do this, but I repeatedly denied liking him. Even when he was telling me how sure he was I liked him, I brushed him off. I found him quite offensive because he assumed so many things.

[Slimpee]

I dont think just disappearing completely is very nice. Its not like this guy is an ex who keeps contacting you. Tell him something instead.

[LoveGoneWrong]

It sounds like you and I are in similar situations. I have a co-worker who is doing this to me. He flirted with me since last year, I began to develop a crush, admitted it and he says he doesn't feel the same way, but has continued to flirt with me. If he does this anymore I will tell him that he's being disrepectful and insensitive. If I were you, I'd do the same. Friends don't treat friends like that. It's one thing to be flattered that someone has a crush on you, but it's another that they use that to their advantage. I find it immature and manipulative.

[Misaki27]

LoveGoneWrong, has it ever occurred to you that these guys just want to get in bed with us? I'm considering this as well, but I don't know why they would say they don't feel the same.

[LoveGoneWrong]

LoveGoneWrong, has it ever occurred to you that these guys just want to get in bed with us? I'm considering this as well, but I don't know why they would say they don't feel the same.

 

Yes, it is possible that that's all they want. Who knows. Whatever my co-worker wants, I'm not going to play his game. You can't play with people's feelings like that.

[Steve55]

I feel the need to chime in here. LGW knows me from her thread. I've been going though a similar situation with a co-worker, who coincidentally, is at a university that we both work for.

 

My point is, speaking as a guy, I was head over heals with this woman, but it wasn't just to get her into bed. I admit, that would have been great at some point, but I was attracted to everything about her; her wit, her intelligence, her kindness, her sexiness too. Everything. So, it just wasn't about wanting to get her into bed. I can't speak for other guys, but that is how it was for me.

 

Of course, I'm writing this on a day when we were supposed to have a lunch date, that she broke, so I need to get over this too. It's hard, as I've mentioned before because we see each other every day.

[Nessa46]

I am in the exact same situation except we don't have to see each other every day. He admitted he wanted a relationship with me and then completely backed off but remained friends. He would talk to me everyday and be very flirtatious but not make a move knowing very well I still had feelings. I was being manipulated and these individuals know very well what they are doing...most of the time.

 

Eventually I told him I could no longer maintain this weird friendship with it not going anywhere. Someone who talks to you that much but doesn't make a move is using you as an ego boost and is quite selfish and insensitive. Tell him what is up. You will still have you're pride intact and it will not allow him to take advantage of your feelings anymore. I've been no contact for about a month now and it is hard at times but I feel like I am in control of the situation now