How do I cope? She betrayed me..

[Finch]

Well, I was hanging out with the ex today. We talked about a lot of things and we worked out a lot of things too.

 

Things were going very well and I had a blast hanging out with her. We went to my house and hung out so more.. one thing led to another and we had sex.

 

After we finished I was lying with her and I asked her if she has had sex with anybody else. I expected her to say no, but I asked anyway.. to my bewilderment she said "well.. it was only for like 5 seconds." WOW

 

That's all I needed.. lol. I don't hold it against her that she had sex. She's free to do whatever she wishes, however; it crushed me that she would have sex with somebody else and fail to admit it to me before.. especially before sex.

 

We were very close and we shared information like this.. so I felt betrayed. Especially because I have asked her several times in the past week (she had sex on Sunday) and she lied and said that she hadn't. She always asks me these kind of things and I tell her the truth. If she told me before that she had sex I would have been upset and angry, but yeah..

 

So now, needless to say, things are over between us to. I don't want to have any relationship with her. She's still calling me all the time and is no doubt worried. I feel so hurt right now.. it's awful. It's nice that she is at least sympathetic.

 

I don't know how to deal with this.. what do I do? I mean I have school with her everyday.. and one class with her in particular. I'm assuming I should avoid her, right? Help me..

[usied]

yea thats pretty harsh of her the way it went down it was like she was using you for the nice familiar sex...and didnt want to tell you til after ..its is ''nice'' that she feels bad..but she BETTER feel bad...thats not very cool what she did ..i mean maybe she was like ''i need to go out and have sex with someone else to get over him(you) " and then realized it was a bad idea...but still its not worth being hurt and having that in the back of your mind...the best thing you can do is slowly ween her out of your life if you desided you dont want n e kind of ship with her..which is a good idea ..takes balls and self love to do things like that...props to ya...but just slowly phase her out and eventually it will be easier and you will most likely find someone worthy

[Finch]

I'm so hurt, I just can't cope with life at the moment. I never would have imagined I would have felt such pain and betrayal. She's been calling me nonstop and now that I picked up the phone once so she would stop talking to me.. she thinks ever thing is ok. Well, everything is not okay. I'm totally crushed and am in anguish.

 

I feel awful.. and I have to see her tomorrow too. I don't want to see her anymore.

[DragonGirl724]

well not for nothing if you 2 are broken up you shouldnt have sex when feelings are still so strong, it only makes it worse, & you really dont have a right to ask about her personal life. its hers. and she probably feels very uncomfortable talking to YOU of all people about it. & vice versa. hencing why she 'lied'.

 

you 2 need to back off & leave eachother alone...its only gonna create more drama & she may feel very angry towards you if you keep backin her into a corner like this. And she can become very hostile & bitter, & has every right to in that sense.

 

-DG724

[DragonGirl724]

plus if you cant handle the possible truth, dont ask her those kind of questions. youre torturing yourself & pissing her off as well. dont make her feel bad for being single & doing what she wants just b/c its not what you want her to do, or what you choose to do yourself. its not right, especially if you love her like you feel you do. somethings are simply better off left unsaid...the less you know the better.

 

-DG724

[Finch]

The reason why I even ask is because she asks me all the time. So when she asks, naturally I ask as well. We both care about each other, and still share everything.

 

Our relationship was more like an open relationship than anything, so please don't come off hostile. It's not like I'm this little punk kid obsessed over my ex. It's quite the opposite. For awhile there she was the one who stalked me.

 

Maybe you're right.. I shouldn't have asked her. But I wouldn't want to continue any relationship with her knowing that she had sex with somebody. It would only be worse to learn about this later on if I continued our open relationship.

 

In this case the less you know the better.. well it doesn't apply. I am very glad I know. I just wish I had known before I had sex with her for the last time. I wanted closure in our relationship and boy did I get it. This is very difficult and I just can't really accept it at the moment. It really hasn't sunk in. I mean her and I were each other's first loves, first kisses, first everything... it's difficult to have somebody that you've shared so much with become so intimate with somebody else. I don't think you understand at all DragonGirl724.

[DragonGirl724]

its funny to me, b/c yeah i do understand, ive been in your shoes before. and you 2 need to leave eachother alone. you contradict yourself in your last post u say u got the closure u needed meaning the realtionship is over right? but then you said just a few lines above:

 

"But I wouldn't want to continue any relationship with her knowing that she had sex with somebody. It would only be worse to learn about this later on if I continued our open relationship."

 

are u saying you regret now sleeping with her b/c she slept with someone else?

 

u keep saying 'relationship' even though u said you got your closure. so either you 2 are in this pretend relationshop now or i dont know what. all i do know is you2 are broken up & its not right u ask of eachothers personal life. if you guys care that much about staying manogomous (spell check) then go back out. i dont see why you2 feel the need to report to eachother whenever one of you has sex with someone else. youre both single & you have no one to answer to.

 

if you guys are still having sex b/c youre both single right now & you 2 share that bond together, its gonna stop when one of you has sex with someone else & they happen to become either your GF or her BF, & they want to share that special bond with them & youre kicked to the curb, BIGTIME. then what?? i think you 2 should cut off all ties asap.

 

dont say im being hostile b/c im not, im being honest. and you post for peoples opinions & you get them. it may not be what you want to hear but this is probably how it is, & how i really see it as becoming a BIGGER problem in the future for you 2. ITS NOT FAIR you 2 poke into eachothers personal life when you have no right being there. if you 2 still love eachother & dont want eachother sleeping around, then why are you broken up?? if you guys arent getting back together then you are definitly prolonging the pain by being this intimate with eachother.

 

can i get a Hallelujah?

 

-DG724

[Finch]

Well obviously if you don't understand the situation about our relationship then you don't understand. So don't say that you do.

 

We have an open relationship because we are both love each other, however, we are free to date/hook up with other people. The boundary line for this was sex, and she crossed it. It was at this point that we both agreed that we would sever any relationship ties. By no means at all am I mad at her for having sex.. she is free to do whatever she wants. However, the fact that she failed to mention it afterwords is what makes me upset.

 

I'm telling you that I got the closure to the relationship that I needed to move on and I never said that I was going to continue the relationship. Don't be confused.

 

Yes I regret sleeping with her because she slept with somebody else. I wouldn't have slept with her had I known. Would you have slept with somebody you loved knowing that they have sexual relationships with other people that they had just created and lured you to have sex with them while you had no clue about what was going on? It hurts, so be a little sympathetic. I don't appreciate the fact that you think this is so funny.

 

It's not for you to decided whether or not it is appropriate for us to pry into each other's personal lives. We both did it, so it's not like one was intruding upon the other. This information was given up freely as well. She could have not chosen to tell me.

 

I realize that the bond is going to end, and it has. Obviously.

 

I don't mind your comments, however, I don't appreciate the fact that you say you understand when you don't. Don't say that you do when you don't, because obviously you don't if you can't interpret my post correctly.

 

Can I get a hallelujah?

[tonkatruck]

Finch, chill the heck out. You weren't very explicit in your explanation the 1st time. I would just tell her the truth, (how you feel) and then take it from there. Let her know what's up with your thoughts. Tell her, not this forum, well, it's okay if you tell this forum as well. I agree with you, but I would tell her very clearly everything then set the rules. If you don't want her calling tell her to stop calling. I've never agreed with the philosophy of hanging out with your ex.

[DragonGirl724]

finch,

 

yeah dude u do have to chill out & yes i DO UNDERSTAND b/c i was in a relationship (ME & HIM LOST OUR VIRGINITY TOGETHER LIKE YOU 2 DID) & i broke up with him & he said 'hey well i love u & id only want to share sex with you, so is it ok if we continue that?' i said ok but i never did it. no matter how many times he begged me. & yeah i had sex with someone else during breakup & he asked me if i did & yeah i lied, damn straight i lied, i lied to him a few times about it. b/c having sex w/ an ex b/c u 2 have history isnt helping either of you 2 to move on, not to mention its extremely awkward having the sex talk with an ex who you know is gonna cringe or vomit at the meer thought of the other person being with soemone else! experiencing other people sometimes makes it easier to learn to share that bond with someone else. & it seems like she wants to venture out & do that. & u will too in time. and thats fine.

 

she is definitly wrong to have thought she could get away with having you & him at the same time. you cant have your cake & eat it to. whos decison was it to have this 'manogomous breakup' anyway??

 

but yeah shame on her for being completely selfish! yea thats wrong, but dude if you sincerely thought this thru before agreeing to these terms you shoulda knew it was only a matter of time until this happened. would it have hurt any less if she said: "we cant have sex anymore b/c i want to have sex with other people." do u know how extreemly awkard & diffucult it would be to tell someone that!?!?

 

learn from this to never have these rules after breakup again. its a coping mechanism b/c you 2 probably werent ready to let eachother go fully. but yeah shes wrong but not wrong for sleeping w/ someone else, but shes wrong for agreeing to this if this is what she wanted.

 

i said can i get a Hallelujah b/c i really hope someone else can get thru to you, it seemed like not much was being said. i never said that this was FUNNY!

 

-DG724