brianna1 Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I'm in a relationship of a little over a year with a guy I've known since childhood. Recently, he left his facebook account open on my computer when he came by, and when I noticed it after he left, I confess that I snooped (yah, I shouldn't have done it, but I did. Moving on...). I didn't find anything shady except the following private message exchange with a friend he used to work with in another city in the US. I don't think they've spoken to each other since my boyfriend moved back to Canada a year and a half ago, so I guess my boyfriend's friend was unaware of our relationship. The exchange was as follows (i've omitted some identifying information): His friend: Hey do you remember where we used to get those (work supplies) from? Hope Canada is serving you up some fine ladies! My boyfriend: Yah we used to get them from (supplier). Canada is doing OK but she's being a little tight ass when it comes to the fine ladies. His friend: Thanks! You know where (city) is.... we have a ton of fine booty! My boyfriend: Yeeea I miss all of it. I'm gonna come for a visit in the coming months. Line a few up for me! His friend: You better tell me when you're coming! Lets get wasted So thats it. He hasn't mentioned anything to me about visiting that city, but apparently he's planning to go there and screw a lot of girls. How inappropriate is this? Should I be genuinely concerned, or should I just write it off as empty "bro talk"? Link to comment
becomingkate Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Sounds like "bro talk" but I would be suspiscious if he books a trip in the next few months... Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 It is boy talk. Nothing more. Stop the snooping. It will end your relationship. Link to comment
FYI Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 My boyfriend: Yeeea I miss all of it. I'm gonna come for a visit in the coming months. Line a few up for me! That sounds like a lot more than just bro or boy talk to me. I don't condone you snooping into the account, but at the same time he should've been smart enough not to leave his account open. So we'll go with the "plain-view" doctrine. If you don't want the contents of your briefcase looked at, then you close it and lock it. I wouldn't breakup just yet but I would definitely be concerned. Link to comment
soloman9 Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 It strikes me as disrespectful even if he's not going to act on it. I would be pissed off, but you can't say anything as you've snooped. Sticky situation. Link to comment
FreedomRing Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Of course that's inappropriate! The 'line a few up for me' quantified the convo as more then bro talk. It implies intention and that is no bueno. Hmmm, upon reading again, he could've just mentioned he had a gf(you) after the friends questions about any fine ladies in Canada....the fact that he didn't AND that you've been dating for over a year, would make me wonder how serious he views your relationship...yikes. Link to comment
EssexMan Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 It may well be boy talk, or possibly it may not be, there's just no way of knowing for sure. However, it's not wrong of him to say it to his friend even if it is a bit childish. If he gives you no other reason to doubt him, leave it. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I agree. No one knows the context. It could be the continuation of another conversation in which they were joking. Beware of analyzing every little thing someone says or does not say. It is not especially helpful when you were not there for the conversation or conversations to know what was really said and since it was found in an unscrupulous way you would be sitting there with egg on your face. Link to comment
LillyLooWho Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I'd be upset myself. I would expect him to say "I'm dating this wonderful girl for a year now" but then, I don't know how guys interact exactly. Maybe he felt like this particular friend would give him a hard time or something. Or maybe he is just not that close to the guy and didn't want him to know for whatever reason. I can understand your concern but since you don't know all the particulars, it is hard to figure out why he said what he said. The only real way to figure it out would be to talk to him about it but then, he would know you snooped (which is a no no) and not trust you anymore. I guess I would just watch his behavior and see if there are any alarms. If it really bothered me, then I'd say something but that might open up a whole can of worms. Link to comment
and so it goes Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 Ahhh, the vast differences between men and women.....If we could only decode what the other gender is really thinking. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 "The secret language of men"...total bro talk. You should hear what men say when the ladies aren't around...sometimes flat out silliness. Keep in mind, men don't go around expressing their feelings to old pals that are dudes. Link to comment
buddha55 Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 I'd chalk it up to bro talk. Unless he books a trip as someone else mentioned. My bf had an exchange once where someone asked him about life and he said "gfs on the side" I immediately started over analyzing. Is that S multiple girlfriendS or girlfriend IS on the side?? OMGGGGG but then I realized that this was someone he RARELY talks to and everyone he speaks to on the regular knows he has a gf. Even though its rude and stupid... That's pretty much what boy talk is. Link to comment
LillyLooWho Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 My boyfriend says that the stuff guys say to each other would mostly shock women. He's 53 years old! Link to comment
EssexMan Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 My boyfriend says that the stuff guys say to each other would mostly shock women. Yup. It's all silly fantasy/oneupmanship stuff and it can come from guys who are totally committed to monogamous relationships. Link to comment
Heather Dawn Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 That sounds like a lot more than just bro or boy talk to me. Same here. That would upset me A LOT. Link to comment
brianna1 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Share Posted January 16, 2013 OK, second question... why do men have to talk like jersey shore douchebags when they're with each other? We're all people. They say men are from mars, women are from venus, but thats horse poop. We're all from earth.... Deal with it. Aaargh I'm venting because I can't confront him about this. Altho I did text him suggesting we take a vacation together, maybe to "the city," and he was eager to agree that we should do that together. So maybe rude and disrespectful facebook messages are, in fact, just the male human equivalent of strutting and preening feathers. You know, like ***** do.... Link to comment
brianna1 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Share Posted January 16, 2013 You know, like ***** do.... For clarity... ***** = alternate word for roosters Link to comment
EssexMan Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 why do men have to talk like jersey shore douchebags when they're with each other? Probably because there's a long-standing cultural attitude that sexually successful men are those who sleep with lots of different women, rather than keep one monogamous partner. (There are obvious evolutionary reasons for this.) And even those who don't actually believe it - which is the majority - can't help playing to the stereotype sometimes. Besides, talking s**t is fun! rude and disrespectful facebook messages are, in fact, just the male human equivalent of strutting and preening feathers. Yeah. (Well, except that it's to "impress" other guys or at least play the game of impressing them, it's not to impress women.) Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 I bet he never even goes to visit that guy. They were just being d-bags, lol! Link to comment
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