I am lost - help me read the signs

[gentleman]

Hello Everyone,

 

I would really appreciate it if you could give me your thoughts on the situation I am in. I will keep it short as I know long posts are hard to read.

 

I went on a date with some one 3 weeks ago and we got on almost perfectly. At the end of the date, she told me she had had a great time and then she kissed me on the lips.

 

We have kept in touch by e-Mail since then but she does not seem very enthusiastic about seeing me again.

 

We had made a date to see each other again a few days ago but she had to cancel because of a family commitment and ever since then, whenever I ask her when I can see her again, she says she is busy and feels tired. I was naturally disappointed that she had to cancel, but she has made no effort to re-arrange and does not seem disappointed that we did not see each other as planned. This is strange, because she had previously said to me that she was excited about seeing me again.

 

I have a hard job too and I also work very hard, but even so, I would MAKE time to see her, even if it is only 30 minutes during a week.

 

I am at the stage in my life where I would like a regular relationship, and during our 1st date, she told me she is looking for a serious relationship also, so I cannot understand why she does not seem interested in seeing me. Sure, maybe I will see her in 4 or 5 weeks, but that's too long. She only lives 15 miles away and we work in the same city.

 

Thank you for your thoughts.

 

David

[CarterJonas]

I'm not sure what you are really looking for here!

 

Either she is genuinely busy and tired, hence it is hard for her to make time to see you or she is letting you down gently.

 

Ask her if she would like to go out on a date, but leave the day of the date openended. She can't then refuse because she doesn't know when the date will be, can she? If she says she is too tired/busy then you know your answer.

 

goodluck

[DBL]

Maybe she found somebody else that she thinks she has more in common with. These days you can't expect people to not date other people.

 

DBL

[Mun]

Hi there,

I'm sorry that this is not working out for you. Reading someone is very confusing.

 

I suggest that the next time you ask her out and she gives you a negative---ask her which day is more convenient for her. If she is unable or unwilling to give you a date then maybe she doesn't want to date you anymore. She may have good reasons, but it isn't fair for you to keep waiting. This way you will have your answer.

 

Hope all goes well

[Iceman26]

If I were you, I would ask her out one more time........and tell her what you have planned for the date. If she rejects you, let it go, and dont respond to emails anymore until she calls you.

 

I know it sucks when you click with someone and things dont work out, but then again if she is always tired or busy, why waste your time?

[gentleman]

Thank you for all your responses so far.

 

You are right to suggest that I ask her one last time about seeing her again, but that I leave it up to her to say when. And if she is unable to suggest a time, then it will be clear she is not as interested in me as I am in her. If she replies with something ambiguous like 'I don't know. When I am not so busy, I will let you know'? I guess that's the sign she is not so interested.

 

What DBL said about maybe she has met someone else is something I have thought about too. I guess she would not admin that to be if I asked her, though.

 

I guess the reason why I have been questioning what is happening is because on our 1st date she made several suggestions about places we could go and things we could do, which obviously gave me the impression that I would see her again. She finishes work at 5 each day and normally watches television between then and going to bed, so turning down the chance to spend even a short time with me one evening seems a bit pathetic to me.

 

David

[Scout]

It's been three weeks since your last date?? Listen, no one is that busy...she's trying to gently detach herself, and the hints are pretty obvious. I wouldn't ask her out again.

[gentleman]

Scout,

 

I totally agree with you about the 3 weeks. A lot of people say to me 'maybe she genuinely is very busy, all of a sudden', but if I like a girl, I MAKE time to see her, so 3 weeks seems long to me, especially as she has made no moves to see me again.

 

The thing I do not understand is she emails me a lot still.

 

David

[fallslikerain]

Forget about her man, she's just trying to make you get lost, but she doesn't have the dignity to just tell you know. There are 168 hours in a week, giving up 3 of them for someone you like is nothing. No matter how busy you are.

[gentleman]

In case she genuinely is very busy all of a sudden, I'm going to give it one more week and then if she keeps making excuses, I'll totally cool off and see is she then shows more interest.

 

Most weeks I work 12-hour days and I can still find the time to see her, so for her to work 8-5, surely she can manage 1 hour after work. As fallslikerain said, giving up an hour or a few hours in a week for someone you like, is nothing.