3 month mark of NC - Thoughts seem to come back

[JohnnyTable]

It's been almost 3 months of NC. Besides an e-mail from her asking for something back, and me responding that I didn't have it anymore, there hasn't been any contact.

 

It seems like the thoughts/feelings are starting to come back, just in a different light. Everything is clearer and more understandable. At times it feels as though it has been ages since I have seen her (especially compared to friends that I have not seen in 3 months-that does not seem like a long time) and at other times it feels like she is still there.

 

Is this normal?

 

With the holidays coming, I get this anxiety that she might try to contact me. I know that she won't (and I hope that she doesn't) but I still think about it.

[hockeyboy]

well im not as far as long as you are but i understand what your saying. its weird how it seems like so much longer then it actually has been. i think its a good thing. then again, i know what u mean by it feeling like shes still there.

 

im at the point where i dont want my ex back, no way no how. sounds like you are too. thats good. i think what your going through is completely normal and after the holidays, maybe im wrong, but i think that is when i will completely let go. once you get through that without the ex, you know 100%. maybe im wrong, but thats my thoughts.

[anon728]

JohnnyTable, the thoughts will still come back. I've made this analogy before (it hasn't really caught on here, but it works for me). I've noticed that my emotions are like a pendulum, and as time of NC goes on, the pendulum seems to swing father apart. I have moments of extreme happiness, even relief that the relationship is over, only to have terrible sadness (even worse than right after the breakup) a couple of days later. I personally feel that this is all part of the healing process. You will start to worry about it less and less; not to say you won't think of her nonstop, but rather, you won't be laying around at home in a pool of misery and grief.

 

I'm at 4.5 months since the breakup, 4 months of NC, with only a few emails for the first few weeks and then we ran into each other in September. Nothing since then, and I feel better than ever.

[DragonGirl724]

are u the guy that had her VCR or cable box?

 

and yeah even tho 3 months seems like 3 lifetimes, it really isnt that long. but youre doing great!! use that excess energy you have at the gym or something. go out with friends, begin to enjoy life again. if you thought of YOURSELF as much as you thought of HER imagine how much better off youd be. start now!

 

-DG724

[JohnnyTable]

Yes, I am the one with the cable box story. Good memory!!!

 

I am actually doing very well. In fact I had pursued a girl for a few weeks. We had several great dates but then she got skittish and I haven't seen her since (she was out of a relationship too). But during that time, I never thought about my ex. She just didn't come into my mind. It made me realize how an ex feels when they go to somebody else.

 

...it also made me realize how they might feel if things fail with that person and they hadn't dealt with the breakup on their own. Being with somebody else is a distraction but not necessarily a cure!