evondavis1 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I think I might have you all beat with my story! I was with my ex for 7 years. We have a 3 year sold son, lived together, owned a business together, shared everything. Basically we were married without the paperwork. Granted our relationship, just like everyone else's had it's fair share of ups and downs. So about 3 months ago, I had told him I had enough. We were together for 7 years, and not once did he want to talk about marriage and commitment, he always said it was a stupid piece of paper. I made him leave 3 months ago because I knew he was not happy with me, or even with our life. He was always talking to ex's, even though I asked him to stop many times. He was always blowing me and our son off at the last minute. According to him, he checked out of the relationship 5 years ago. So guess what he did - one week later he found a GF who is 13 years younger. ( I am 36 and he is 37). He kept this from me until everyone started to find out on Facebook (the devil's website). Then after 6 weeks, they took off and eloped to Vegas! WOW!! I begged this man for 7 years to give me what he gave her in 6 weeks!! I am devastated, but I wake every morning and take care of my son. I am in the process of dissolving the company that we have owned together for the last 6 years. What I don't understand, how can you get married to someone, after 6 weeks, and he doesn't even have a job or place to live? She also lives 3 hours away, and they travel back and forth to see each other. He told me he won't move up to her because of our son. However, I think he should just disappear. He has even had then nerve to ask me to be his friend over and over again for the last 3 months. I really think he lost his mind. A friend wouldn't get married behind your back. A friend wouldn't treat you badly and then tell you that you are the worst GF in the world and that I ruined everything for thim. Everyone told me he did it to spite me. I say he probably just found his match and she's just as crazy as he is. I hope that one day I can get through this. I am so depressed, and after 3 months I still cry. How could he do this??? So here is an update. My ex called me last weekend to “rehash” and “get closure” as he said. We went down memory lane and the demise of the relationship for 90 minutes. Still everything is my fault according to him, but I know my truth. I don’t have to defend myself, but I feel like I have to with him always! So towards the end of the conversation, he tell me his new wife is pregnant!!! ***!!! Mind you, they met less than 4 months ago, 1 week after we broke up. Married her 6 weeks later, and now she is “accidentally” pregnant, and this is still my fault because I kicked him out. I told him he should have been a man and made me happy, but instead he took off on this downward spiral of a life. The wife is 24, 13 years younger than my ex. A Russian immigrant here in the US on a student VISA. Now the ex is broke, no job because we are dissolving the company we own together, lives with his sister, his wife lives in another state, 3 hours away. No car insurance, no health insurance, not a pot to piss in. Who makes these terrible choices? Yet, it is still my fault because I kicked him out. Link to comment
Angel Irulan Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I HAVE SEEN THIS HAPPEN SO MANY TIMES! A person, usually a guy, holds off on marriage with someone he's with long term and then suddenly up and leaves her and is quickly married to someone else! Have you ever seen the movie: When Harry Met Sally? That great scene in the restaurant where Sally fakes an orgasm in front of her best friend Harry? I found an explanation for that phenomenon in this movie. It's kind of harsh, so hold tight. When Sally's fiance leaves her telling her he does not want to get married and then later is married to someone he's known for only six months. "Oh, I realized suddenly that it wasn't that he did not want to get married, it's that he did not want to marry me!" I know it's rough to read that, but in all honesty, I think that is what happens. Don't let him blame you at all for this. It was a rough road for the two women I knew who had this happen to them, and I'm sure for you. But you're doing great: one step at a time, one foot in front of the other. This WAS NOT YOUR FAULT, NO MATTER WHAT YOUR EX SAYS! Angel Link to comment
EssexMan Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 What I don't understand, how can you get married to someone, after 6 weeks, and he doesn't even have a job or place to live? The wife is 24, 13 years younger than my ex. A Russian immigrant here in the US on a student VISA. Now the ex is broke, no job because we are dissolving the company we own together, lives with his sister, his wife lives in another state, 3 hours away. No car insurance, no health insurance, not a pot to piss in. Who makes these terrible choices? Yet, it is still my fault because I kicked him out. Of course it's not your fault! He is going crazy with his new-found "freedom". Guys (more than women) sometimes do it, unfortunately. It is very unlikely to end well for him, but that's his problem - as you say, he made these choices. If I were you, I wouldn't let him phone you again to talk about the end of your relationship. Obviously you need to have some contact because of your son, as well as your business linkages. But keep all that businesslike. He only wants to discuss the break-up in order to justify to himself that he was in the right. Link to comment
DN Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 You don't say much about what the 'ups and downs' were nor do either of you take any responsibility for the demise of the relationship. But once you made him leave he is free to do whatever he wants and it would be extreme for him to marry someone to spite you. However, what is important now is his relationship with his son and you should do everything you can to facilitate that - your son is the innocent party in all of this and doesn't deserve that his father should 'disappear'. Link to comment
evondavis1 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 Ups and downs list: He lacked emotions, meaning he would never open up and be emotional with me. He would cancel or blow me off at the last minute. He is impuslive, for example, last year he bought a boat without even telling me. He text's ex's, claims that is 100% harmless and they contact him Last year, he told me he had feelings for an ex to make me mad He would forget/ignore anniversaries, holidays, etc. He worked hard, so whenever he came home he just sat on the couch for days, and then complain that my son and I are too loud, so I would have to take my son somewhere else. Here is my problem - I cared too much, meaning I always wanted to spend "quality" time with him and our son. Sex was on his terms, etc. My problem is that I should have left him years ago, but I did all I could. I guess the red flags were there all along, but when you have a life together, it is really hard to let go. This is what I can think of now, I know my list is much, much bigger than this. Link to comment
Reflective82 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I don't have much positive to say apart from I hear this happen all the time- men going for women 10 years younger or more. I don't know what their obsession is, but it's horrible Link to comment
chickydoodle Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Some women can be very manipulative, controlling and demanding.....and men will somehow tend to grant them what they want , more readily than they do someone more passive and understanding IMO. She may be the type who does not take No for an anwer and manages to get what she thinks she wants every time... Some men succumb to this personality type, others are repelled by it. Who knows what the dynamics are between them , for him to have acted so radically different to when with you - except to say she is obviously quite different to you. If its any consolation, the novelty of being with something different can wear off very quicly. ''Easy come, easy go'' as they say. Link to comment
ZISIS1986 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 i am at the same situation with you. The only different is that my wife (woman) left me after 8 years been together for one passion (other guy) . I have three years old child . My ex wife dont have money at all and i dont know what is thinking about. The only true is that you will feal better but you need time . Dont blame your self for this idiot and move on . I have one month that i divorced but day by day i feel much better . From my heard i wish you all the best ... Link to comment
WalkingGrace Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 He rang you for 'closure'? That tells me that he still cares and he is obviously thinking about you. Marrying a woman after 6 weeks of knowing her? The chances of that lasting long term are very, very slim indeed. To me, if he was blissfully happy and totally in love, he'd not have time to even spare you a thought. By strangely, he did. I say that not to give you 'hope', just that I expect he's nowhere near as happy as he is trying to make you think he is. Link to comment
loveology Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Sorry this happened to you, but the person that I truly feel bad for is your son. It's unfortunate because he's the most innocent person in all this and yet he's going to be the one to pay for it. And now your ex is making more babies. How wonderful. Link to comment
jemoeder Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 dont mind him live your life to your thing \ what he does and doenst do isnt your concern anymore, and from the looks of it, thats a good thing for you Link to comment
DN Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 There is nothing wrong with age-gap relationships providing both partners are willing and aware of the potential pitfalls. Link to comment
evondavis1 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 Thank you all for your input! It's nice to hear outsiders perspectives on what is going on. It's been several monts since we broke up, and the fog has lifted, slowly. I told the ex I no longer want to hear anymore of this nonsense, and that his life is no concern of mine anymore. As a matter a fact, when he told me she is pregnant, I started to laugh. I laughed so hard because KARMA is really biting him in the ass. He was looking for me to host the pity party, but not anymore. He used to be my best friend, not anymore. I handled everything for him, not anymore. Yet he will call me names and tell me I can't handle life and finances and bills and our son....funny that overdue notices are now coming in the mail for him because he can't handle his finances. I don't wish anyone harm, but I do feel justified that I did all I could, and had to constantly defend myself, and now look at him, all this bills are late. Like I said, not my problem anymore. He had a life, I gave him everything, handed him a wonderful life on a silver platter, however he chose a different path. My son is my world, and everything I do is for him. Being a single mom is tough, but I get up every morning and do the best I can! Link to comment
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