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and there she goes... forever it seems

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So here I am, another day, another sad love story. This is how my life always ends up, no matter what I do to not make it be this way. I spent four years trying my hardest to snag a girl, and when I thought I did, I found out that it is not true.


I never knew I would be alone forever, and it really seems that I am. I guess this is the way it is supposed to be, but it shouldn't. There are many differences between this loneliness and the loneliness I used to feel before I met her.


Before I met her, I wanted a girlfriend real bad, someone to share my life with, and someone to cuddle and tell stories to. I never had the chance to do this with anyone; no matter how hard I tried. It seemed as though I was cursed, I could get so close to nabbing a girlfriend, and then snap, something would happen and the girl would fade from my arms. It was bitter loneliness, and I struggled to survive everyday.


But I didn't really know how it felt to be with a girl for real, so it was a little of an empty loneliness, and I had no idea that real loneliness is a hundred times harder, but now I do. I thought what I felt was the hardest feeling in the world, to continue to smile and pretend that I was happy although I wasn't.


Well, the fact is, I wish I could have that type of loneliness again. The type where you long for someone, anyone, but no one in specific. You want to know what it feels like, but haven't been spoiled by having it and then losing it. That is much harder.


It seems as though I had the good life back then, and I took it for granted. Now all I want to do is forget; forget the memories of her, the feelings I felt for her, the way it felt to share with her, to live with her, to live for her. I want to forget that I had a girl, and just hope to remember what it was like before. But, once you've felt it, it never leaves you. I am stuck with these feelings, and I will never be able to separate from them.


Now that I have lost her, I can never look at another girl the same way again. I had felt so strongly for other people before I met her, but now, when I think about them, I don't feel a thing. I don't want to be with them or anyone else. I want to be with her, and that is it. Pitiful I know, but I can't help the way I feel, because I have no control over my feelings. Either it's there or it's not, and right now, it's not there for anyone else.


I cant say that I wont find someone that I do feel for, I am just saying it is highly illogical. I spent a year and a half of prime time in my life with this girl, and she really won me over big time. I never imagined I would want just one girl, because there are so many, but I know now that I do. There's only one problem with this. I know I will never see or talk to her again, and thus my chances with her are gone like she is.


There is no hope, because we are stubborn and neither one of us is simply going to call or write to say hi. Our stubbornness used to be wonderful, it made us compromise on even the smallest tasks, which was the best thing we had. But now, it is our enemy. My stubbornness and hers together keep us from one another.


She will never initiate contact, and neither will I. It's not that I don't want to, I would love to talk to her, but it's just impossible. Even when we see each other we ignore one another, not a hello, a wave, or even a glance in each other's direction. We stare away from each other, and try to concentrate on something else until that person is out of our line of sight.


This is what is crazy. We went from spending every second, and I really mean every second together, to not even looking at one another? How is that possible? It is our stubbornness that's what. Neither of us will allow the other the upper hand by giving in and talking or acknowledging one another, and so we both simply ignore each other. Now, frankly I don't know how she is handling it, but it is making my life miserable.


We were best friends, did everything together, and now nothing. And it's been this way for four months now, and I can tell it will never change. So much for her being in my life in any respect, because I guess that's impossible. It is sad, because we were wonderful when we were together, and now we are like sworn enemies. She hates me with a passion, and I love her inside my heart, but hate her in my mind.


She doesn't even want to remember our "first" time as they say, because she goes around and tells everyone she is a virgin. I guess it's a good thing though, because it makes me one too, and so we don't have to share anything more than memories that will hopefully fade away. It seems that everything I don't want to happen is happening, and I have no way of preventing it. It is a shame that it has come down to this, and although I will probably always want her back, I will have to ignore that feeling like I ignore her and everything else, because it is just impossible.


So much for fate and destiny, because this is not what it's supposed to come down to. I guess this is the end of our chapter, and it will never be reopened.

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beautiful words my friend, but I have a few responses for you.


One, it is great that you are writing doen your emotions here, that is what you need to do. The release of negative feelings is the best way to cope as long as it is healthy and non violent. You are going about this the right way.


two, you must realize, that although painful, that you are young, and this relationship will only make the ones that you find later in life, that much better and sweeter. There WILL be other women in your life. Finding the right love takes time and patience. My girl and I broke up a week and a half ago, and I too felt like yoy, just TWO days ago. but I am now on that path that lets me know that I take care of MYSELF, and move on to bigger and better things. I still have scars from my high school sweetheart, and even though it has been 10 years since we were together, i still feel them when i see her every once in a while, and when i lose a NEW love. It only makes you realize, that you will go on, you did it before, and youll do it again. Hang in there my friend. continue to visit this site. It is where you need to be when you are feeling so down, and lost. Stay with us. We will be your support. hang in there my friend

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I know you're feeling really empty and hurt right now. I rpomise you, in time, your feelings will fade a bit and you will be able to have feelings for someone else like you did with this girl. Youa re still quite young and a year and a half seems long, but in the scheme of things, a very short amount of time. Nouw, i'm not saying that this time wasn't significant, it sure was- very significant for you, but once ou find someone else to have feelings for and to love, over time, after many years, you will be closer to them than with this woman. Now, you will never forget her, but the memories will just grow more distant. I still miss all of my exes, Istill think of my four year relationship that ended last year, but as the days linger on, so does the memory. I know that once a new relationship moves beyond the fours years, I will be free of those memories. It takes time. Good luck and let time heal. Don't build up a wall around yourelf preventing you from loving again. that will only hurt you in the long run as it did for me.

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I know I am young, I have my whole life ahead of me, but that's the thing... I dont want to grow up alone, I want to share my experiences and my life with someone else, and more specifically... with her.


I never imagined I could feel this empty, this cold, this lonely. While I have been holding my head up high and appearing to be in the greatest of positions, inside I am dying. My heart is bleeding and my soul is crushed. I feel like nothing inside, and that makes me miserable.


I have been trying my hardest to forget, to move on, and to see other women, but it's just not working. I know that what I am doing is soon going to make the pain disappear, but its been so long, and the pain hasnt diminished in the least bit.


I am not trying to build a wall around me, I want to love again and have what I had before, but it seems like there is no one else out there for me. I have met many women, hooked up with a few, and all it has done is made the pain hurt worse and leave me with regrets.


I just want to contact her one more time, to let her know that I havent forgot about her, but I cant, because I was the one that initiated NC. It sucks, and I think if I could go back I would've never stopped talking to her. I not only lost the love of my life, but one of the best friends I had.


I dont want to lose her forever, the bond we had was too strong to simply severe it merely because we were young and the timing was wrong, but that seems the way it has to be. I dont understand why I cant let go of her, but I cant. I contstantly imagine that one day she will come back to me, and although Im not supposed to think this way, because it is illogical, I just cant push these thoughts out of my head. I dont even think about the memories we had, I think more of the memories we had yet to achieve. We are so young, and we had so much more to learn and to experience, and it was always supposed to be us doing so together.


I dont know if she thinks about me, if she still feels like she used to, or even if she wants to speak to me. Why are we so stubborn? Somewhere down the road I am going to forget my pride and fight every day for someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with, but right now, my pride is too much


I am making all the mistakes. I am stupid for not talking to her, for thinking that she will miss me more if Im not in her life, and for letting her walk away without putting up a fight. I am wrong for loving her without her loving me, and for constantly thinking of her. I just want it all to stop... all the pain, all the questions, all the loneliness, all the fear, everything....

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ok one quick question...


has anyone ever tried to initiate contact again with an ex after 4 months or so without talking to them?


I just feel like I should contact her and I dont know how to go about it. I also dont know if I should anyway, so Im trying to see if anyone else has ever done it and if it went well or not.


I just dont know what to say, and I dont want to look like I need her or anything. I just want to hear from her... I dont know, Im having trouble deciding what to do. I miss her and I want to talk to her but it seems impossible to go from not seeing or talking to her to trying to contact her.



anyone have any ideas or advice or stories to help me out?

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