MattW Posted December 31, 2012 Share Posted December 31, 2012 I've always been a sheltered, reserved kind of person, and while I've always been super lonely because of it, I've never really had much luck tearing down those figurative walls and having people in my life. Earlier this year, I developed a budding friendship with someone, and for reasons I don't know, this person really helped bring me out of my shell more than any person ever has. I've been much happier, more open, and I've been "trying" harder to be an enjoyable person to be around. But lately, that friendship has started to fade away, and at this point, it's almost on life support, so to speak. As such, I've found myself retracting back into my "shell", and returning back to my lonely, unhappy persona. I don't like that, and I don't want to be that person again, but I can't seem to help it. I'm losing the one thing that was keeping me "holding on" and wanting to push myself, and I find myself feeling so sad that I almost don't care at all about "trying" anymore. Ugh. I just hate that I'm falling back down again... I was feeling so happy, and so good about myself, more than I have in a long time, and now I no longer feel happy or good about myself. Link to comment
rachelques Posted December 31, 2012 Share Posted December 31, 2012 Ugh. I just hate that I'm falling back down again... I was feeling so happy, and so good about myself, more than I have in a long time, and now I no longer feel happy or good about myself. this is how im feeling right now due to a break up with my bf. its an awful feeling but trust me...it will get better. in your case...maybe try talking to the friend about the situation? that may help restore the friendship Link to comment
MattW Posted December 31, 2012 Author Share Posted December 31, 2012 Eh... I wish I could, but to be honest, an unbiased third party would probably say that me and this person only loosely qualify as "friends" (if even that). Which I guess is a fair assessment; I tend to get overly attached, emotionally, to people I like a lot, because I don't meet them very often, so I think I see them as much more of a "friend" than they see me as one to them. Link to comment
rachelques Posted December 31, 2012 Share Posted December 31, 2012 try to find a new friend to replace them...someone who truly values your friendship! you deserve better than that Link to comment
grainsofrice Posted December 31, 2012 Share Posted December 31, 2012 hey Matt, it looks as you and i are similar. you are relying your happiness or life satisfaction from external sources (ie. friends that who you get really attached) stay STRONG! friendship won't last longer than a pair of shoes that you and i are wearing now. don't get attached to that friend. I once felt so sad when I got disconnected from a buddy of mine. there must be a reason why he/she distanced you. if the friendship is there, enjoy it and appreciate everything about it. i'm sure you can meet new friends again. don't define who you from the outside source. happiness comes from within yourself. I'm still struggling with this. But, it gets better each day. forget the past. live at the present moment. now, i get 'high' from clearing my mind and focusing on my breathing (mindfulness meditation. i still get all workup about the past sometimes, but it's amazing that I can sort of reset my mind by doing simply breathing. Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted December 31, 2012 Share Posted December 31, 2012 I think you need to find more friends who are similar to that girl.. I've had trouble with connecting with people since I left university so I'm searching for groups on link removed that hopefully have people of similar interests.. it seems like I find most of the people I meet since I left university boring and unstimulating. Link to comment
MattW Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 I think you need to find more friends who are similar to that girl.. Pfft, easier said than done. It took me 5+ years just to find that, and I couldn't even hold on to it. At my rate, it'll be years before that happens again, and knowing how I am, it'll probably turn out to be another disappointment. Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 Yeah, I know.. it seems like there aren't that many good people out there. I turned down plans for NYE because I was just bored by the people I would be spending it with, and if I'm bored with people I just feel more depressed when I get home. Link to comment
MattW Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 Heh, at least you got offered something to do. Hell, I'm so bored and lonely that I'd have gone out with anyone for tonight that would've invited me. I tried asking around for the last couple weeks to see if I could get invited to something for tonight, but no bites. I posted something kinda depressing on Facebook today, and this one guy I always wanted to hang out with more replied, but rather than invite me to whatever he's doing, he looked up some places to go and encouraged me to go out (by myself) and meet people. I kinda hate that I'm not doing anything (I was hoping this would be the first New Year's I'd actually be doing something, but now I guess I have to wait for next year, at the earliest), but I just don't think I'd do well out by myself surrounded by a bunch of people I don't know. Unless someone were to come to me first (which seems unlikely), I'd just be the guy sitting by himself, eating/ drinking, and just being "there". *sigh* I dunno. I just feel so alone again, and with nothing in sight to give me any kind of hope or motivation, I'm shutting down again. Not to mention all the discomforting thoughts in my head... I miss getting to talk and joke around and connect with that person, I feel like I'm never truly going to have anyone in my life permanently, that even if I do find people, they're all going to leave or abandon me for one reason or another. I don't know, maybe I just wasn't "built" to have friends, date, have people in my life in any capacity... Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 Are you just working with her less, or is she actually avoiding you at work or something? Link to comment
MattW Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 We're kinda working less shifts together, and when I do, that other guy she used to date has been in the same shifts. So, most of the talking and joking around she always did with me, she's now doing with him. She doesn't seem to be purposely staying away and not talking to me, she just seems to be preferring him, or something. I don't know... I don't know what happened. Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted January 1, 2013 Share Posted January 1, 2013 We're kinda working less shifts together, and when I do, that other guy she used to date has been in the same shifts. So, most of the talking and joking around she always did with me, she's now doing with him. She doesn't seem to be purposely staying away and not talking to me, she just seems to be preferring him, or something. I don't know... I don't know what happened. Ugh, that sucks. I hope they won't date again or something. Maybe it could end up being a relief for you when she leaves this job.. Link to comment
MattW Posted January 1, 2013 Author Share Posted January 1, 2013 Yeah, I dunno, he's still dating the girl he two timed her with before, and I've kinda hinted around to him about whether he's dating (or trying to date) other girls at the same time, and he says no, so... Link to comment
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