Why is it so hard to say what you mean?

[Reminiscence]

So I told my ex that I still had feelings for him and has made no comment on it. That was two days ago and I sent him a text today saying that I'm taking his silence as he doesn't have feelings for me anymore.

 

Can't silence mean more than one thing? Could he just be caught off-guard and needs time to think? Or does silence only mean "no I don't have feelings for you anymore"?

 

What's so hard with him just saying no he has no more feelings? He had called things off with me twice. What's so different/difficult this time around? I've been in situations where someone has asked me out and I easily turned them down, no hesitation whatsoever. Why is he hesitating? What's so difficult?

 

It's been 7 hours since I texted him and he still hasn't said anything. Not sure what to think...can anyone help please?

[duke nukem]

He may not want to hurt your feelings, or even worse he doesn't care. Either way, it isn't any good for you to try to contact him. Just try to work on what you need to do and not worry about whether or not he responds.

[winniethepooh]

Why is it so hard to say what you mean?

Because you're afraid of the other person's reaction. Maybe that fear is justified, maybe it's not.

 

So I told my ex that I still had feelings for him and has made no comment on it. That was two days ago and I sent him a text today saying that I'm taking his silence as he doesn't have feelings for me anymore.

Why are you pestering your ex? He dumped you in October without telling you why, so that action makes it crystal clear he either doesn't want to be with you in a relationship, or he's playing silly games.

 

If he comes back to you because you keep telling him you still have feelings, that sounds like you trying to manipulate his feelings. Is that really what you want to do? And is that really how you want to have a relationship with someone?

 

You told him. He either knows or is too dense to understand or there's something else going on that you don't know about. Don't manipulate him, or let him manipulate you (another possible consequence of repeatedly telling him you have feelings when he's not showing any interest in hearing what you have to say).

 

Can't silence mean more than one thing? Could he just be caught off-guard and needs time to think? Or does silence only mean "no I don't have feelings for you anymore"?

Silence means silence. Why is he silent? Who knows unless he tells you, and if you ask, you won't get any useful information because you won't know if he was honest with you or not - the asking and repeated text messages might make him feel under pressure to say something so then it becomes more important for him to say what he thinks will make you stop, rather than the truth.

 

Maybe he's still processing the information you gave him.

Maybe he's with someone else and hoping you will leave him alone.

Maybe he's not with someone else but hoping you will leave him alone anyway.

Maybe he's away.

Maybe he's busy.

Maybe lots of things.

 

What's so hard with him just saying no he has no more feelings?

Maybe because it's easier to ignore you than deal with your potential reaction. You seem to be very invested in something to do with him but I'm not sure what. A kiss? Then the balance seems way off (I read a couple of your other topics, I don't know what sort of relationship you had with him).

 

He had called things off with me twice.

Well, he's sending you clear messages then. Ok, if someone dumps you once, then maybe give them a second chance if they come back. But if they dump you twice, then you're not paying attention to what their actions are telling you if you are trying to get back together with them.

 

What's so different/difficult this time around?

I don't know. Maybe he's had enough of you telling him how you feel. Maybe maybe maybe ... like before.

 

I've been in situations where someone has asked me out and I easily turned them down, no hesitation whatsoever.

Would you be more likely to accept their invitation if they told you repeatedly that they had feelings for you?

 

Why is he hesitating? What's so difficult?

Why why why? People are confusing, people are idiots, people lie, people can't make up their minds, etc etc etc.

 

It's been 7 hours since I texted him and he still hasn't said anything.

7 hours? Good grief. He's your ex. Since when is he obligated to send you a reply anyway?

 

Not sure what to think...can anyone help please?

Read some more stories here and leave him alone.

[Reminiscence]

 

Why are you pestering your ex? He dumped you in October without telling you why, so that action makes it crystal clear he either doesn't want to be with you in a relationship, or he's playing silly games.

 

If he comes back to you because you keep telling him you still have feelings, that sounds like you trying to manipulate his feelings. Is that really what you want to do? And is that really how you want to have a relationship with someone?

 

You told him. He either knows or is too dense to understand or there's something else going on that you don't know about. Don't manipulate him, or let him manipulate you (another possible consequence of repeatedly telling him you have feelings when he's not showing any interest in hearing what you have to say).

 

 

This was the only time I've told him that I still had feelings for him. You make it sound like I've been begging him to come back since October when I'm only telling him now because I don't think he realizes that I still have feelings. We had a class together last quarter so I had to see him twice a week and pretend everything was ok between me and him.

[winniethepooh]

This was the only time I've told him that I still had feelings for him. You make it sound like I've been begging him to come back since October

You have started several topics about him since October, I have read some of them. I got the sense that there was continued contact with him since he dumped you in October - and that was the second time he dumped you I think? If you haven't been begging then I'm sorry if I've made it sound like you have. Nevertheless, you sound way more invested and enthusiastic about him than it sounds like he deserves. And that's what I'm trying to address.

 

You don't have to specifically tell someone you have feelings for them, your follow-up message telling him his silence means you think he doesn't have feelings, also sends a clear signal that you still have feelings. So call the first message reasonable, and the second one harassing him. I know that probably sounds over the top, but then call me an insensitive [deleted]. It's what I think your ex deserves to be called but I understand if you don't say that to him. Anyway, I care less about what you call me and what you think about me, and more about you not digging yourself deeper into a hole your ex has thrown you into.

 

Harassment starts somewhere - I'm suggesting it might be the second message. Look, I've done it too, and felt like fool afterwards when I get no response. I've also felt like a bigger fool when I did get a response, some lies, and then she walked away again anyway.

 

If you don't like the word harassment, think of it as upsetting the balance - that's what you are doing with the first message a little, more with the second, and so on, until either things come crashing down, or he makes an effort to restore the balance. I think there was another message from reading your other posts that clearly says to me you still have feelings for him (and I expect clearly tells him the same thing) but I can't find it.

 

when I'm only telling him now because I don't think he realizes that I still have feelings.

I think he does know, and I think he's using your desire for him against you. Admittedly, that's based on a relatively quick reading of what you wrote in other posts, and admittedly I haven't read everything. But your perspective is distorted because you have strong feelings for him. Mine is distorted because I only know what you say, not what he says or thinks. That's why I say leave him alone and keep reading here to get more perspectives.

 

We had a class together last quarter so I had to see him twice a week and pretend everything was ok between me and him.

A class? I thought you were doing a project together? Anyway, whatever, that's tough, and I admire you for seeing it through and keeping up appearances. Keep doing that and focus on not giving him any more information that he can use against you, because he is, and he is manipulating your feelings.

 

Look, I might sound a bit blunt, but I am on your side because you're the one posting here, not him. And I think he's the one being an arse, not you. But I do think you're being far too considerate and understanding with respect to him in a way that results in him losing respect for you (not that it sounds like he had much anyway).

 

From reading your other posts, I don't get any sense that he wants to find balance in your relationship. So unless someone is making an effort to do that, leave them alone until they make it clear they are willing to make an effort. I think fine if you want to tell them how you feel and what you want. But only once. From then on, leave them alone.

 

He's dumped you twice so apart from anything else, that to me makes it clear he's not interested. And his apology message you referred to in another post just sounds like weasel words to me, based on everything else I read about him.

[Reminiscence]

I think there was another message from reading your other posts that clearly says to me you still have feelings for him (and I expect clearly tells him the same thing) but I can't find it.

 

I think you are referring to the post about that one night he and I spent together. I thought he had kissed me on the cheek when I was sleeping. I swear I felt him do it as I was wide awake but he claims that he didn't and that I kissed him. He was upset and thought I was taking advantage of him. Maybe that's why he sent that apology or could have been something else that prompted him to apologize. Who knows if he thought if I still had feelings for him after what happened that night. (I mean he got upset and thought I was using him...is that the same thing?) I never talked about it with him because it would have gotten in the way of our project and class.