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Dumped, better relationship?

BlueKitten

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BlueKitten Explorer

BlueKitten

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Has anyone been dumped, devastated, but then gotten into a better relationship and felt like "everything happened for a reason"?

 

My ex dumped me in Oct and im still having a hard time moving on. I'm either hoping that he'll come back or that I will find someone who is better suited for me.

 

Does anyone have a story like this that they can share? I'm looking for some hope/sign that "everything happens for a reason".

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TheNewGuy Explorer

TheNewGuy

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In my opinion, does everything happen for a reason. No, too many variables in this world, doesn't matter if you look at it scientifically or spiritually. Do I believe the next relationship will be better? Yes I do! In my experience the next one is always better. Maybe because you have taken what you have learned from your past ones and apply it to your new one, or maybe you're just more careful with your next choice. I don't really know why, but it will be better! I know that may be a short answer, but I don't want to clutter up this page with all my experiences.

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Patrick974 Enthusiast

Patrick974

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Yep, you learn from your mistakes so eventually the next RS will be better, I've been dumped last year and have not engaged in a new relationship since then so I don't know, not my fault though, girls I've been approaching either got back with their ex, only wanted sex, or just were plain crazy. So I am alone. Thankfully I have friends, and to move on I just very rarely contact my ex (a text or two every few months) so now I'm over her since a while now. It's been hard to make a girl interested in me recently, maybe because I was more careless back in the day.

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Nattersmatter Newbie

Nattersmatter

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Has anyone been dumped, devastated, but then gotten into a better relationship and felt like "everything happened for a reason"?

 

GOD, yes!!!!!

 

My ex dumped me in Oct and im still having a hard time moving on. I'm either hoping that he'll come back or that I will find someone who is better suited for me.

 

Neither of those are going to happen until you get over the relationship. I do mean literally THE relationship. Because you can have any style of relationship with the same person (hence divorcees whom after enough time, reflection and learning/adjusting and applying, reconcile and this time successfully). So, with either goal in mind, you have to get over it... detach. If you're still attached to the old relationship, the old (and what proved erroneous) dynamic, and he does come back, you and he will just slide back into bad habits (which would just lead to splat again). Equally, if he doesn't come back, you don't want to have waited expectantly until then to start getting over it or you'll experience a longer-than-necessary delay before your heart and mind are free and ready to begin a new one with a new candidate that has a chance of lasting.

 

Does anyone have a story like this that they can share? I'm looking for some hope/sign that "everything happens for a reason".

 

Yes, but it would literally take PAGES because it was an entire series of events over a 6 year period! So you're just going to have to trust me.

 

I sort of agree with NewGuy (or half agree, half disagree...or agree AND disagree simultaneously...). I think he's talking about what I call the Automatic Upgrade. Given enough time/re-availability of fully-operational cylindry, your mind works everything out in terms of [a] how well you 'picked' your last partner to begin with in combo with what you could have done differently and when/how, either actively or reactively/both, and this new gen gets applied whether you were aware of that process or not (assuming you're ready and always were rather than had subconsciously-deliberately picked the wrong type and/or acted in too many ways like a silly b*gger for some other little-known but more important-to-you agenda that relied on *not* succeeding). I.e. Hindsight isn't always a conscious thing and failure isn't always an unintended mistake.

 

You could say that that's all there is to it - having finally had enough aggro, and/thus getting on with grieving so well that you're optimally fit and ready whereby the "Green availability light above your head" becomes optimally pure and bright which then automatically attracts your perfect type and readiness counterpart (and vice-versa you to his own invisible Green light), which is how, 'suddenly', you have a relationship that works overall smoothly and successfully in response to your new-found attitude and behaviour, even despite great odds, that you - being unaware of the exact psychological process responsible - simply put down to luck/god/fate/whatever.

 

...but I personally had [dah!-dah!-DAAAAH!] shpookayy, concrete, unmisinterpretable, in-my-face SIGNS - things that cannot be explained by any worldly logic (and too many have tried, believe you, me!), meaning Little Miss Scientific-Pragmatic aka Mrs Spock had to eat her cynical hat and now believes very firmly in some higher force or intelligence (not talking religion, but spiritualism) (or maybe I am??).

 

The variables may just SEEM like variables, IOW. Or it may be - like everything else in life - a case of 50% of that and 50% of the spiritual/inexplicable other (or 100% of both??)?

 

I mean - YES, I (finally) wanted a proper, full-on relationship enough that I (finally) applied everything I'd analysed and concluded over re the Dos and Don't (as did now-hubster), BUT... that all-round readjustment couldn't possibly have affected/produced one of the "shpookayys" - namely, Timing (paths crossing when/where/how they did). It was just too unlikely and too perfect, all round "meant to be" - particularly as he and I both regularly agree this relationship has on every single level imaginable ticked so many boxes, including boxes we hadn't even known existed, and overcome so many obstacles that *should* have damaged or even ruined it, that we can't see how it *couldn't* last until death. And that's saying a LOT for two Recovering Uber-Commitmentphobes!

 

So all in all, I'd sum it up thus: It's 50/50 (or 100/100): Once you're really 'ripe' - enough to last the entire course - Fate manipulates or outright shoves each of you onto the perfect 'square' of that there chessboard. If you're ripe but on the wrong square (because, being a control-freak where unwarranted, you've fought the manipulation/shove) - nearly but not quite (splat!). If you're not ripe but on a correct square (ditto) - nearly but not quite (splat!).

 

Re our crossing of paths: we each did NOTHING. Zero... Zilch... Zip. We just finally stopped struggling/trying/meddling, stopped expecting, had our minds on Today, and went with the flow, and were completely minding our own business.

 

Fate can do some amazing things if you stop deliberately trying to over-orchestrate like you iz da sole boss of you. You damn well ain't. And that, IMO, is the biggest lesson to be learned of them all.

 

xoxo

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jenna-is-here Contributor

jenna-is-here

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The key is to enjoy the good parts of singledom when single, and enjoy your relationships when you are in one, because either way, it ain't gonna last!

 

Disagreed on that it ain't gonna last.

 

Call me a romantic but one of these days one of my relationships will stick (last).

 

My parents are coming up on their 50th this summer! I know, the June Cleaver days are behind us but I do believe I will find a great friend, love & companion/partner to grow old with...because I got alota love to give!

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TheNewGuy Explorer

TheNewGuy

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Disagreed on that it ain't gonna last.

 

Call me a romantic but one of these days one of my relationships will stick (last).

 

My parents are coming up on their 50th this summer! I know, the June Cleaver days are behind us but I do believe I will find a great friend, love & companion/partner to grow old with...because I got alota love to give!

 

I would like to think relationships can last for a really long time if nothing else. It's just not getting comfortable while you're in it. Don't fall into a boring routine. Appreciate your partner every chance you get, fall in love with them everyday, something, anything. I wish people could do that, lol. I am going to do my absolute best to do it next time. Okay so that's a bit off topic, but it was on the tip of my brain! Hah.

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Throwaway999 Contributor

Throwaway999

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Disagreed on that it ain't gonna last.

 

Call me a romantic but one of these days one of my relationships will stick (last).

 

My parents are coming up on their 50th this summer! I know, the June Cleaver days are behind us but I do believe I will find a great friend, love & companion/partner to grow old with...because I got alota love to give!

 

I hear ya, but you've gotta keep a sense of humor. I am being facetious. This time around, I find it easier to appreciate the comically tragic, or the tragically comic, aspects of the whole shebang.

 

 

I would like to think relationships can last for a really long time if nothing else. It's just not getting comfortable while you're in it. Don't fall into a boring routine. Appreciate your partner every chance you get, fall in love with them everyday, something, anything. I wish people could do that, lol. I am going to do my absolute best to do it next time. Okay so that's a bit off topic, but it was on the tip of my brain! Hah.

 

^^^You and me both, buddy! If I find another sucker, I swear I'll make it worth her while this time!

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duke nukem Enthusiast

duke nukem

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Unless you rebound, then it's almost certain the next will be better. Many rebounds get bad. Not all, but enough to make it common advice not to engage in one. I have yet to start up a new relationship, but my interest in one is practically zero and I'm sporting a lovely mountain man beard, so I'm not expecting anything. But I'm feeling way better than I have in a long while!

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Nattersmatter Newbie

Nattersmatter

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I'm sporting a lovely mountain man beard, so I'm not expecting anything

 

LOL! You know when you're waiting for a bus that's very overdue, and you think, 'S*d it, I'll 'ave a faaaag'...and then, just as you've lit up, suddenly three of the uggers come along at once?

 

Heh-heh...Your Goatie may be your ciggie equivalent... *particularly* where women who read Positive-Compatibility-meaning into such a beard whom normally wouldn't have been attracted to you are concerned.

 

[wiggles eyebrows]

 

xoxo

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duke nukem Enthusiast

duke nukem

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LOL! You know when you're waiting for a bus that's very overdue, and you think, 'S*d it, I'll 'ave a faaaag'...and then, just as you've lit up, suddenly three of the uggers come along at once?

 

Heh-heh...Your Goatie may be your ciggie equivalent... *particularly* where women who read Positive-Compatibility-meaning into such a beard whom normally wouldn't have been attracted to you are concerned.

 

[wiggles eyebrows]

 

xoxo

 

Haha I had to read that several times! Sometimes the English or Commonwealth accents and writing through me for a loop! But yes, if you are comfortable with yourself and what you're doing then it's likely you will attract those who are akin to the energy you are giving off. Or something like that.

 

Did you know that people are most often attracted to the people who they subconsciously believe would make the best mate? Nature at work!

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