PLEASE....I need help..i dumped him..he's move on.But why I'm the one suffering.

[naddy33]

I dont know where to start.But i couldnt hold to myself anymore.

 

Its like this. We have been together for 4 years and 7 months. We had a perfect, beautiful relationship until i decided to end it in July 2011. With no good reasons. At that time, i just felt i couldnt go on with the relationship.I just want to be single and enjoy my life..You see we were together since we're both 16 years old. He cried and even begged me to come back. But , i just turned away...

 

But, after the breaking up, we still remain close..still texting each other..I always feel that he will always be there for me no matter what.But i was totally wrong.

 

I began to notice that he didnt contact me much starting May 2012...so i thought he's already move on and im ok with it..we're still contacting thru fb like lovers even if its not much as it ised to be...so June came, July, August,September...i was really enjoying myself being single but i do think of him sometimes..

 

But then, in late October...i never thought this could have happened to me but it did...i am longing for him..desperately..the turning point was when i saw him having a really good time on social networking that i couldnt stop crying for 3 days.I guess it finally hit me that HE IS NO LONGER THERE FOR ME.

 

So, the chasing episodes begin..i contacted him back,met him, tell him that i actually love him all this while, even go extra mile to do a surprise for him that i never did b4 during our 4 years relationship...i desperately want him back.But, of course he told me clearly he has no feelings for me anymore, wouldnt even give me 2nd chance and even told me not to have hopes upon him even in the future.

 

I was devastated.So, its been 8 weeks since all this saga begins..and i have to accept the fact that he doesnt love me anymore.I know he's not seeing anyone.But he said he just want to have a good time now and by having me chasing after him back makes him uneasy.

 

Everyone including him told me to MOVE ON..i tried..i really do...but y cant i let it go??..please..anyone out there who willing to help me...I am so pissed with myself for not being ungrateful on what i had before.If only i've been wiser at that time, this wouldnt be happening...right now..knowing that he's having a great time and dun even give a damn about me while im here been crying for the past 8 weeks-blaming myself on why did i do that to him...now, he's totally gone and i just wished..if only he would accept me back in his life...

[lavenderdove]

One thing to consider here is you may have a bad case of the 'grass is greener' syndrome. First, you decided the grass would be greener if you were single. So you had a lot of fun with that while keeping him on the backer burner for support and as a backup plan.

 

Then, when almost a year had passed, you were still fine, but he started to pull away because he was bored being your backup plan. So that door was closing and blocking you from that particular pasture. And suddenly, when he was moving on and no longer available to you, THAT grass looked a lot greener and you wanted him back.

 

You seem to respond more to being blocked from having your options open than you do from actually running TOWARDS something that is positive for you. So he is looking irresistible now because he ISN'T with you. So i suggest you don't take these emotions too seriously and recognize that you were fine until you realized that door wasn't open anymore. So you were fine in the single life for 18 months! This isn't about not being with him, it is about having a door closed in your face and not liking it.

 

Life has SO many other doors and possibilities for you to follow. At your age, i can almost guarantee if he DID take you back, inside of 6 months you'd be chafing at the restrictions and looking for new greener pastures. Just go out and live your life and recognize that at your age it is about getting out, dating a lot, experimenting with life and who you are and who you want to be. So no need at all to revert to the past when really that is about you not liking all your options open permanently. Your options really are wide open, because the world if full of good men to date.

 

But you can't expect them to sit on the shelf like an ignored teddy bear and be waiting for you anytime you please. Life just doesn't work that way and moves on. So the answer here is to dust yourself off and try not to suffer too badly from grass is greener syndrome or you'll always be disatisfied with what you've got and want something else, no matter what you've got. The 'something else' right now is him, but that would just change again if you did get back with him, because you are young and need to date around and focus on other things rather than getting too serious with someone at your age.

[dundermiflin]

You're not alone in doing this/being in this type of situation. I think you have to take him at his word, bitter pill that it is. I'm sorry for your loss but you need to accept that he's lost. Be thankful for the good times, and that you have an idea of what kind of guy you are looking for now. Lots of posters on here have gotten their ex back, only to find they really didn't want them back after all. Please try to get out and enjoy life, focus on friends, you-time, etc. You will feel better with time. Stay positive!!

[naddy33]

Thank you so much for your reply.I trully appreciate it.At least there's someone out there who's willing to listen to me.

 

For your info, i try to accept the fact that he's no longer had feelings for me. But part of me its always been in denial because during our relationship it was he who's always been in love with me...I know i have to let it go...but it seems so hard.I couldnt sleep last night.Missing him a lot that it hurts.

 

The last time he told me that i no longer deserve 2nd chance was about 2 weeks ago and since then i havent initiate to contact him until now..i dun even have the urge to do it.. but in those 2 weeks he texted me twice and asked me to wish him goodluck for he's going for an interview...part of me was really happy that he texted but..part of me like..what are trying to do man??? u texted me to wish u goodluck???

During the chasing-saga, he never texted first..i was the one who's always looking, running after him...

 

I was so misearable here but he acted like there's nothing...so i just replied him so-so..and ended it first. And he hasnt contact me till now..Probably getting sick of me i guess...but i do miss him.A lot.

 

I just dont know what to do. I know i have to back off but in the end i know i'll be the one who's going to suffer...please help me

[beachgal20]

I can totally relate to you naddy33. I broke up with my bf of 8 months and even though I wasn't in love with him, I still miss him like crazy. We have been NC for almost 3 weeks and it's so hard. I wanted to text him Merry Christmas but restrained myself because I didn't want to break NC and I want to respect him and his healing. It's hard right now but just know the sooner you let him go the sooner you can heal, move on, and be closer to finding a new loving & wonderful relationship that you were meant to be in.

 

lavenderdove- your reply was so helpful to me. It helped me realize that I have a bit of the "grass is greener" syndrome but I'm only 20 and I have to date around, see what types of guys I like, what works/what doesn't, so I can eventually find a loving relationship that will last.

[pl3asehelp]

Happens all the time. This experience will make you a better partner for someone else in the future.

[DylanNotorious]

Don't beat yourself up, at the time your heart just wasn't in it so you left. Now his heart isn't in it so he won't come back. Just move on, because even if you did get back together you might possibly walk away again so just start fresh with someone else.

[naddy33]

Happens all the time. This experience will make you a better partner for someone else in the future.

 

Yes.I trully agree with you. This 8 weeks of suffering have really thought me a lot about this life..One of the things is you should never take anyone or anything for granted...and i also realize seconds chances doesnt usually happens...

 

If i ever get into relationship in the future [which i secretly doubt because i dun think i can love anymore..not after what i did to him..it will haunts me forever] , i will give my future love the best.

[naddy33]

Don't beat yourself up, at the time your heart just wasn't in it so you left. Now his heart isn't in it so he won't come back. Just move on, because even if you did get back together you might possibly walk away again so just start fresh with someone else.

 

DylanNotorious:

 

Even i was so heartbroken right now, deep inside me i know i should not regretted on letting him go 1 year ago...at that moment i was really determined to let him go..I can see now he is enjoying his life with his guy friends,fooling around and just have fun...thats the best gift i think i could give to him..maybe he didnt realize that..If we are still together till now, both of us might not be happy together..after all, we were together since 16...last year, i was the one wanting a single life and now its his turn..should i should not be on his way...

 

But, deep inside my heart i always wish that we could get back together again..definitely not now..but in the future perhaps..that was why i was so crushed when he told me i dont even deserve a second chance and totally wipe out his feelings towards me...

[naddy33]

I can totally relate to you naddy33. I broke up with my bf of 8 months and even though I wasn't in love with him, I still miss him like crazy. We have been NC for almost 3 weeks and it's so hard. I wanted to text him Merry Christmas but restrained myself because I didn't want to break NC and I want to respect him and his healing. It's hard right now but just know the sooner you let him go the sooner you can heal, move on, and be closer to finding a new loving & wonderful relationship that you were meant to be in.

 

liliypie20...guess we're on the same boat...i do misss my ex like a lot....but we havent initiate any NC cuz it seems pointless...both of us actually knows whats going on...i was deeply in love with him but he's does not have that feelings...so right now we're just dont contact each other although i do stalk him a bit...haha

 

But yeah, the damage's done..and i just cant do anything about it but just have to let him go....i just dont know how long should i take this...

[Ms Darcy]

Naddy you are right ... just as you needed to be single, so does he. Whatever happens in the future will happen. Just do your best to work through the pain and learn the lessons.

[naddy33]

Naddy you are right ... just as you needed to be single, so does he. Whatever happens in the future will happen. Just do your best to work through the pain and learn the lessons.

 

Thank you for the reply Ms Darcy...yup, thats what i keep telling myself to do...but no matter how much i try to be strong there's always a moment where the pain will creep in and flashback all the memories...thats when i hit the lowest bottom ever...