A question for guys - is it possible that...

[Sirenia]

You had a great time with a girl on date and you do nothing after? I mean no call, text, email, smoke signal, whatever. So if I don't initiate the next step, nothing will happen?

 

or could you have read her signals wrong.. ie she was really interested in you but you assumed she wasn't so that's why you didn't follow up?

 

I think very often in dating situations, things go awry simply because one person (or both people) cannot 'read' the other person and assume things.

 

What do you think?

[and so it goes]

One must keep in view the purpose to dating - the end goal, is, generally, a relationship of some kind. If one does not take the steps to further that goal then why would one go on dates? Sometimes, one has to "put oneself out there" and be prepared for rejection. When/if rejection happens, not to take it personally.

 

If you like the person and you'd like to see them again, and things don't seem to be "moving" then by all means give it a shot. Maybe a little nudge is all it takes. I shudder to think of how many opportunities (not just in dating but in everything) I've lost just because I was afraid of failure.

[JANC]

You had a great time with a girl on date and you do nothing after? I mean no call, text, email, smoke signal, whatever. So if I don't initiate the next step, nothing will happen?

 

or could you have read her signals wrong.. ie she was really interested in you but you assumed she wasn't so that's why you didn't follow up?

 

I think very often in dating situations, things go awry simply because one person (or both people) cannot 'read' the other person and assume things.

 

What do you think?

 

 

 

Sorry but if someone does not bother to contact you after a date then they are just not interested. Sorry to be so honest but if you really enjoyed yourself and wanted to see the person again you would contact them. You will meet someone who contact you again. This guy was just not interested unless he has lost your number which would be very unlikely.

 

James

[laninaperdida]

One must keep in view the purpose to dating.

 

I like this.

Thing is, you don't know what his goal is.

****.

He may not even know.

 

What if he was really into you, but just not mentally ready for whatever reason to date?

He's not going to call you back.

He's gonna kill time with a girl who's easier (I don't mean sexually) to be with.

He may not have even liked you.

 

Apply this same theory to yourself.

You know how when you *really* like a guy & he asks you out you'll cancel if you're on your period, not feeling well, etc.?

You want to impress him so if you're not in the mood to be "on" for this guy you'll call up buddy you don't like all that much & not bother to shave your legs.

[rask]

You had a great time with a girl on date and you do nothing after? I mean no call, text, email, smoke signal, whatever. So if I don't initiate the next step, nothing will happen?

 

or could you have read her signals wrong.. ie she was really interested in you but you assumed she wasn't so that's why you didn't follow up?

 

I think very often in dating situations, things go awry simply because one person (or both people) cannot 'read' the other person and assume things.

 

What do you think?

 

Both people have to communicate. There's a lot of people on here saying things like, "He hasn't called or texted me!","She never called back after our date..." yet neither party initiates any type of contact to start.

 

When I started dating my boyfriend... I couldn't read him AT ALL. I had no idea he was flirting with me. Of course, we were hanging out as friends to begin with, and I wasn't sure where things were going to go, but I seriously wasn't picking up on anything at all. Yet, I still wanted him to text me, and he did. But if he didn't text back the next day after we'd hung out, I would text him because I was genuinely interested in him, and wanted to see where it would go.

 

He told me later that some days he didn't text me or call me because he was just wanting me to make the move, so he could see how interested I was. It has to go both ways.

[happyfrank]

Maybe he needs little push. Tell him you had good time and can't wait to go out again.

 

If he doesn't respond. He wasn't into you.

[Sirenia]

So..... on my most recent date (it was #2) I ended up telling him the truth. I said that I was interested in him during and by the end of our first date but because he didn't do anything in the days following, I thought he was not interested. Meanwhile he told me that because *I* didn't do anything that I wasn't interested. But the thing is, after a few days *I* was the one who got the ball rolling again and then a few days after that he asked me out on date #2 but it was still kinda slow going... Well after that second date I decided that my thoughts during those in between days were the same. He's a really nice guy and we have lots in common but there is no spark or chemistry, plus I feel like I have to do all the work and planning. I want a guy with more initiative and who is more assertive.

 

I don't want to seem sexist or lazy but I have done way too much 'chasing' in my time and would prefer it if the guy chased me.

 

I know lots of guys are going to jump down my throat (about the whole gender equality thing and the whole paying thing..) blah blah blah... but that's just me and from all the literature I've read, relationships work better when the man 'courts' the woman.

 

So, my other question is this... I met this guy at a function where the vast majority of people seemed too shy to talk to one other. It was a weird feeling and atmosphere for me because I am so used to going out and talking to strangers now that it's second nature. Still, it is always nerve wracking at the beginning when you don't know a single soul.

 

So... to calm myself and ready myself I went to the bathroom and re-did my makeup and then went into the room and walked around, when I finally stopped walking I found myself face-to-face with someone who really caught my eye and seemed like my type. He was kinda just staring into space and I was trying to send telepathic messages to him to turn around and talk to me! It didn't work so I had to just go ahead and do it or risk standing there in silence (and eating the nice food) the whole night like half the people there.

 

So, finally I just got up the courage to talk to him (thinking that I would bore him) and surprise surprise we actually had a really really nice conversation and we spent the entire night talking... about 2 hours.. until almost everyone had left! We didn't even notice that everyone had gone as we were oblivious to what was going on around us. He was really sweet and offered to drive me home. I felt such an amazing connection with him and then.... he added me on Facebook (related question here).

 

OK better than nothing but then.... nothing. No private messages, no wall posts or comments or likes...

 

I couldn't just let it go so finally, after a week I mustered up the courage (again!) to write to him and wanted to make out that I wanted to hang out as friends (afterall, who knows I could've been reading something into nothing as I've done that before). When he hadn't replied for a few days I told a girlfriend that I was just getting my hopes up over nothing and she was being more positive... that same night that I saw her, he replied and from his reply he seemed really keen and enthusiastic to meet up. So does that mean he's interested, or he's just being polite or what?

 

I can't read guys at all... and it seems like they can't read me either!

[pl3asehelp]

Can you point me to some of this literature that says relationships work better when the man courts the woman? Never heard of this and your experience isn't really supporting it either. I agree things quickly go awry when someone has expectations of someone else doing something they could be doing.

[Sirenia]

I'm not going to list everything I've read (I can't even remember all the articles and where they came from) but I've read many books, one of which is: link removed

 

My experience? What experience?.. I've never talked about my past relationships.

[pl3asehelp]

I'm not going to list everything I've read (I can't even remember all the articles and where they came from) but I've read many books, one of which is: link removed

 

My experience? What experience?.. I've never talked about my past relationships.

 

Wow - that book actually recommends women 'test' men to see if they'll commit. Please don't do that. There's probably other really bad advice in there if they're advocating that.

 

Your experience at this event is what I was talking about. YOU wrote to this guy and he responded enthusiastically. +1 for doing some pursuing. If you felt he responded keenly and enthusiastically, I think it means just and only that and he's definitely not just being polite.

[Sirenia]

That's not what the book is about at all.. you're only going by one person's review. It is not even a 'dating' book as such, more a book about psychology that is for both men and women.

 

I have no problems initiating, pursuing, or anything else along those lines. I just don't understand why some men (people) are so chicken?!

[pcmodemtcg]

If you read the pm i sent, you might understand one way we could become "so chicken" ...

 

Hope it works out.