Aniela's Life Journal

[Aniela]

I had a dating journal but here goes a life journal.

 

Life sucks. Haven't hung around my friends through a mixture of being busy and my ex boyfriend has taken over my friend group. I use the term friend loosely now.

 

These are people I always thought I was close to but today I realized no one truly cares about little ol' Aniela. I have been feeling like life isn't worth living anymore and needed to reach out to anyone. No one texted or called me back out of all my friends. I point blank told them that it seems like life wasn't living anymore and just needed someone to talk to. Not a single response. I guess it is better I know this now rather than later. Good bye to all my friends! It's about time for a new group. **sigh**

 

Maybe I'm emotionally too much. I'm just one of those toxic people that everyone says to steer clear of... I should probably just go off in some far away spot and hide for the rest of my life. What an idiot I am for getting too close to anyone. When am I going to learn that my mother was right? You can't rely on anyone in life and no one cares about you.

 

In other news, I want to get sterilized. I don't want another human to suffer like I do. A life of loneliness. You think they will do that to a 27 year old? I've always felt this way. It's unlikely to change.

[Aniela]

I ended up being lazy with my new-friend-finding. I posted on Craigslist seeking a biking buddy with the possibility of developing into a friendship. Mountain biking alone can be dangerous!

 

Work is completely busy. Too many jobs to bid.

[Aniela]

I hung out with friends after leaving to get over my ex. I think it was a success. I visited them two days in a row. The first day my ex ignored me. The second day my ex attacked me very openly. His new girlfriend was there the second night. I felt embarrassed for him. His girlfriend was very sweet.

 

I also broke it off with my most recent ex...again. He fell in love with me but there was some mental issues going on with him as always. It primarily ended because I was not happy in the relationship, we did not agree on children, and I do not want to move to small town Louisiana. I prefer the midwest.

 

I think I'm going to get some personal issues taken care of before my next relationship.

[Aniela]

So I lasted a full 3 days without sex with Tracy. Booty call in 2 hours... Been there and done that with him but he has by far the most perfect penis I've ever come accross.

[Aniela]

Okay, lesson learned for the second time. Sex with TM ended up bringing up a whole host of feelings that felt misplaced without a loving relationship. I really felt like there might be one last chance for us when I visited him. I was actually wanting to try. For so long I had wanted out of the relationship but I realized what a decent guy he was that night. It was one of those one step back to move forward moments. He has a good heart which makes the whole thing tragic. In the end, we have nothing in common and he wants to move. I felt awful with the news that he was planning to move this year. I will miss him but this is for the best.

 

As soon as I get over this empty feeling, it's back on the dating scene. Nothing to really work through other than the lose of the relationship. I would like to stay friends with him maybe after I get back on my feet with dating. And by friends I don't mean hang-out friends. He's really hard to talk to about anything.

 

Okay, so now that I think about it. It was a bad relationship. Good guy, no substance other than a very healthy sex life. Boy will I miss him in bed. So much passion!

[Aniela]

I meant to post this but I wonder if the bad ex, SH, will continue to bad-mouth me. I met his girlfriend who is pretty cool. She actually felt bad because he was being such a douche to me. I told my friend hosting that I have nothing against her and I'm indifferent towards SH. I'm not going to say I'm not amused by their relationship. It's got eventual train-wreck written all over it. I'm going to grab the popcorn and watch! I hope she sticks around after the eventual breakup. I like her. She'd be a fun addition to the friend group!

[Aniela]

What am I some piece of meat? I join a dating website to see who's out there. Met a couple of okay guys. One I really want to meet even though I think he is bald (who wears a baseball cap in every photo?). He seems like a decent guy and I find it really easy to chat with him. I'll call him Russ for now. I'd still date him even if he was bald since his personality seems to make up for it.

 

Then bring in second guy in the works - Jim. Jim seems needy. I'm texting him but he seems to be hooked onto the idea of me more than me. We haven't even met in person (I have an injured foot and can't really walk) and he is already sending me texts wishing me good morning, good night and to have a good day. I'm not sure if I want to meet him. He just screams "nice guy" in that negative kind of way.

 

Lastly, there is John. I came accross him said I was just wanting to meet people to hang out with. He sends me texts to see if I want to go biking and whatnot. No flirting but he'd probably be up for dating me if he knew I was single. I'm just treating him like a friend. I still need to do a background check since I know his full name.

[Aniela]

I really want to meet that Russ guy. He hasn't sent me anything since yesterday. I think if I haven't heard anything back from him by tomorrow, I'll give him a nudge towards real-life meeting. He seemed normal and a fairly decent man. Maybe I'll send him something along the lines of... "I have really enjoyed chatting with you and we should get together offline. (###) ###-####" I really like that we can communicate effortlessly. I also like that he seems like he has his life on track. That is educated, career, house, appears mentally stable.

 

One other guy has my attention. I originally ignored him since I wanted someone who has a career started. He seemed like a level-headed guy. I just wish he was done with his schooling. It's kind of a deal-breaker but I should at least give him one date. I gave him my number but it's a little odd that he prefers the website to texting.

 

Also, what is with 90% of guys sending messages stating how attractive I am? I'm getting tired of it. I get it, I'm attractive. I know that but really don't want to be told that by 90% of the men contacting me. I usually just delete the message.

[Aniela]

So online dating hasn't done anything. It seems like it's been less than a couple of weeks under my current profile. I hope this is helpful for anyone who is doing online dating but the free sites really brings out the worst people. I think I might go for a paid site if my current contacts all fall through. Of the hundreds that I've dealt with, only 2-3 are worthwhile. I'll talk about them later. First... these men fail:

 

1. Men who contact me multiple times like needy puppies. Contact me once, maybe twice but sending me message after message shows me that I don't want to date them. I was offline for 2 days and would have 5 messages in my inbox from them. Mostly these messages were how excited they were to start the process of getting to know me. Creepy! I usually block them. So many messages in such a short time is a bad sign in my opinion.

2. Men who use insincere compliments in their first message. It's awesome they think I'm attractive. I don't think they would have contacted me if they didn't think I was attractive (to them). I delete every single message that contains: little lady, beautiful, sexy, cute, pretty, girl, etc.

3. Men who use old pictures on their profile. I've talked to men who are considerably larger and balder than their profile pictures. If they had had honest pictures of themselves, I wouldn't have as big of a problem.

4. Men who don't read my profile. I had one man who I chatted with and he at one point asked me what I looked for in a mate. I told him to read my profile. I was peeved. It clearly states what I am looking for in a nice concise paragraph. It says pretty much grounded, easy-going, career-minded, educated, and a theist. Really simple and to the point.

 

Maybe I'll add to the list later. On to the guys I'm chatting with.

 

Matt - He seems cool enough but I can't get past that he works as an operator. I'm an engineer and dating blue collar seems different. I also wonder if his salary is considerably less than mine. I know I shouldn't be shallow but I don't want to deal with jealousy on his part. He also seemed shocked I wanted to keep working if I have children. I told him I had no intentions to be a stay-at-home-wife. He is cute and does seem like he has a good heart. I might give him one date. Who knows, maybe he has career aspirations that he hasn't told me. I only hope he doesn't see too much into the future. I'm slowly friend-zoning him. He chats with me too much and we haven't met to justify the constant contact.

 

Russ - I'm trying to keep my cool with him but I really want to meet this guy. He's interested enough in me but doesn't overdo contact. I will probably see if he wants to meet up this weekend if he doesn't offer. We seem to mesh pretty well. He's my top pick and I'm restraining myself. Must restrain myself from contacting him. I think I will push to set a date tomorrow.

 

Jim - He took the hint and stopped texting me.

 

Unknown #1 - We haven't gotten very far with contact but he is giving me space and I like that. He runs his own business and he does graphic design for companies. He works a lot but he is attractive. I haven't invested that much time in him. He seems self-centered but I'm willing to give him a date. He doesn't seem that serious so I'm not holding out.

[Aniela]

So update...I took a hiatus off of POF. I joined OKCupid and that's had better quality of men on there. Or at least has profiles that gives me a better idea of who I'm talking to. The men do seem friendlier and less desperate.

 

So on to updates on potentials.

 

Russ - date booked for Saturday evening at 8 pm. We are meeting at a local coffee shop to chat. He intrigues me and I want to get to know him. We also had a rather interesting chat last night through text. Topic veered to sexual past. Nothing too dirty but it made me crush a little on him. Enough is enough and I need to see where this goes. He assured me he wants long term. Let's see if we have chemistry. He seems logical and I LIKE THAT.

 

Adam - I met him on OKCupid and he is roommates with an old classmate from college; this classmate was completely normal and a great guy (friends must also be normal and nice people). CREEPY! I decided we must meet up! I told him next week.

 

Matt - Got tired of talking to me, I think. He was a backburner so maybe he noticed that.

[Aniela]

My sex drive is also really high today. If I had a boyfriend I'd be making a call. TMI!

 

Tracy (the ex) wants me to come take a toy he bought me. I might go pick that up later.

[Aniela]

I picked up the toy. Seriously doubt anyone cares. What did bother me is Tracy's pushiness. He wants sex again but I want to move on. I keep telling him no repeatedly.

 

In other news, I had an EXCELLENT and simple date with Russ. We went to a small coffee shop and then wandered around near downtown. I'm pretty sure he is bald given that he wore a baseball cap but he has a personality that I really am looking for. He is the typical engineer, nerdy (but not excessive) and a little bit of a push-over (I'd take a wimpy guy over an aggressive guy any day). He doesn't seem like he let's things get to him. Time will tell how he pans out but I have a really good feeling about it all. He seemed to really like me too. After talking for 3 hours, we called it a night and we are planning to see each other again.

[Aniela]

So I ended up going to Russ' house yesterday (after doing a background check). He isn't bald! What a relief! (but he does have a slight receding hairline) It's okay, I think I'd date him even if he was bald. I like his personality.

 

While I do understand the house visit is pretty much code for getting frisky, I still went. He was very cuddly. I did clarify that I want to wait. He was fine with that.

 

Date set for Thursday.

 

Did I mention that I'm falling hard for Russ?

 

Oh, and Matt reemerged after being absent for awhile. Things went downhill quickly since I had deleted his number. What a temper that buy had! Eeks! Adam hasn't been pursuing me anymore. I figure that he has other women in the works.

[Aniela]

Third date with mister Russ went well. Only issue I have with him so far is that he is a bit of a closed book. So far he's been very respectful and been playing by my rules. Maybe a bit of a push-over but I do well with men like this. Intense men tend to spark the mean side of me.

 

Oh, and I didn't realize this but apparently there are not that many women who enjoy go karting?

 

Towards the end of the night things got a little heated... my goodness this guy has the perfect penis too! We haven't had sex yet. Next week is shark week so nothing is happening for another week.

[Aniela]

More to log it but I officially told Tracy that we would be going our separate ways. Every time he contacted me it was for sex. If I'm trying to start something with this other man, I need him out of my life.

[Aniela]

I completely had my fourth date with Russ planned for this afternoon but his mother had some car troubles. That's nice that he is close with his family. We would have done something this weekend but he had something with his family. All signs lead to this going somewhere but I wish there was a nice way to bring up his views on religion. He's middle of the road politically but I am wondering where he stands with religion. I am a non-practicing Catholic and would like to date someone who is a Christian at least. More so that we can relate better to things than actual beliefs. He had it listed on his profile that he was Christian (I think) but it doesn't seem to play a huge role in his life. I'd be happy with that! I couldn't date anyone in either extreme.

 

My friend thinks I shouldn't be so intent on a relationship with him. Of course, I've dated more people than he has so maybe a touch of jealousy with my friend. I know what I want and Russ is displaying what I want. Falling for a guy doesn't have to be completely logical but Russ has met my minimum criteria thus far. Of course, I keep my mouth shut about my friend's dating habits. He is looking for someone who is perfect when he probably needs to give a little...mainly in the looks department. He judges women so harshly on their outward appearance. I am much more open to different types of men. Meh! I'll let him continue searching for that perfect woman but I think he will probably eventually settle or stay single.

 

I have a first date with Adam planned. I'm more of doing this to casually keep my options open. Adam is a very Christian man but I hope he isn't someone who is waiting for marriage. I would cross him off instantly if he was. A sex life is almost vital in a relationship.

[Aniela]

Fourth date went well but I may have to get clarification from him on some things. His last relationship was rather short and it makes me nervous. Maybe he had a long term relationship before that. I just don't know if I want to date a guy who might have unrealistic expectations.

 

I do really like him.

[Aniela]

Russ wished me a happy valentine's day first thing this morning.

 

I'm so nervous about our date tomorrow since I had planned to sleep with him (fifth date). I really like him but I am starting to worry that this may just end up failing in the end. I really like him! Of course, most these feelings could be because of that special time of the month.