Health problems bumming me out

[maggieMAE]

I'm going through some scary health issues right now. It's been going on for a year, but I finally started looking into getting a diagnosis and treatment, if needed. After some tests, it seems to be more serious than I thought. I won't go into specifics, but I was diagnosed today and tomorrow I have an appointment with a specialist.

 

I'm scared, and it makes me sad that I'm facing this alone. I would give anything to have my ex with me right now. I was doing so good for a few weeks, and now I feel like I've taken a huge leap backward. I'm almost tempted to break NC. My friends aren't being that supportive, and I just feel very alone.

 

I'm right back to wishing she cared. Any support is really appreciated.

[loveology]

First of all, I'm sorry that you're going through this right now. Health issues are scary enough with proper support, so I can't imagine how discouraging it must be to feel sick and isolated.

 

However, I will say this - if you are at the point where you have had to initiate NC with your ex, it's highly unlikely that they're in a position to truly provide any comfort. It's far more likely that they'll instead say or do something that will just upset your further or set you back in your emotional healing. I'm not clear on the specifics of your break up obviously, but in general, I'd suggest you avoid breaking NC.

 

May I ask why your friends aren't being that supportive? Selfishness? Sick of hearing about this particular issue? Perhaps they just don't realize quite how much you are struggling and just need you to reach out and remind them that you really, really need them right now.

[nrb]

Have faith...it worked for me...will work for you!

[maggieMAE]

They've been supportive with the breakup, but I feel very alone dealing with this health issue. As for the breakup, I don't really go into detail about it with them. They know why we broke up and how I feel, but I don't use them as personal therapists. But when I got this diagnosis, I reached out a bit and got nothing. Yes, we all have our own lives, but one said, "that sucks" then quickly reverted the conversation back to herself. Even after I said I was scared.

 

Long story short - we broke up 3 months ago when my dog died. She wanted out and started acting like a crappy lover until I finally had to end it. She actually had met someone else she wanted to pursue, and tried to manipulate me into ending it so she wouldn't feel guilty. Ignoring me when my dog died was the last straw for me. Now she's "happy" in a new relationship. I say it that way cuz a month ago she started reaching out to me again, expressing a tiny breadcrumb of remorse. I've since changed all of my contact info cuz I deserve more respect than that. Real remorse isn't sending me songs over voicemail and email.

 

I just feel very alone. I know that friends don't always give the same amount of support that a lover would during a health issue. It really sucks knowing I gotta face this alone though. I want a hug right now.

[Brittanyxox90]

Sorry to hear about your health problems. I know that it is upsetting not having somebody you care so much about be there for you (especially during a time like this.) Just remember you are not alone! Be thankful for everyone in your life currently, and just keep imagining getting better & having a whole new wonderful and happy life. It won't be long before you are again!

[maggieMAE]

Also, I would never break NC. This is where my stubbornness is a good thing. I will hold on to NC until it's pried from my cold dead fingers. LOL. Or at least until I get over it. So that's not an issue at all.

 

I'm just crying a lot, wishing I could jump in a time machine and fix all of our problems. We were sooo toxic and bad, but I truly loved her. I miss her and I wish I had her support right now.

 

Brittany, thank you. I certainly hope so.