Guys, just pick the spot (bar, cafe, restaurant, etc) for the date!!

[Sirenia]

Thinking back to my past dates I am sick of guys who say to meet at some landmark (easy to find each other) instead of at/inside the bar, cafe or restaurant. Sure if they have one in mind to go to after that's great but in most cases, they don't and we are left wandering around with a case of "Where would you like to go?" "Er.. I dunno.. where would YOU like to go?" and just walking around aimlessly. Fine in the daytime and in summer but in winter and it's freezing and raining who wants to do that?

 

I admit it's seriously seriously offputting when I end up planning the date by having to choose the meet up location.

 

So anyway this guy wanted to meet up with me, we set the date but not the time nor place and finally he tells me he wants to meet me.... in front of a church! (where it's going to be utterly freezing and wet with no cover or anything). Geez is it really hard to select a location where we can meet INSIDE? Does he want ME to choose the place or what?

 

The times where they HAVE named the location (usually somewhere I've never been to before since I don't eat/drink out much) I've been happy and excited to try a new place and more keen on them from this perspective (because they took the initiative!)

[rask]

You got a mall close by? Ask to meet up in front of a certain store that you like. Hell, just pick a restaurant. If they don't like it, they'll say so. Some guys want women to take initiative, too. Is there a reason you think the guy has to make the plans?

[pl3asehelp]

You're just as responsible for planning a date as your date is. I think it's inconsiderate to make plans with someone without asking for their participation unless they specifically made it clear they wanted me to do them a favor and do all of the planning myself. Beware guys might find this just as offputting as you do. Since you seem to have more requirements than the average person regarding this, I think you need to make it known you have special preferences. If not, expect this to keep happening and it will just be random that your date will know what it is you want without you telling them.

[camus154]

Some guys want women to take initiative, too. Is there a reason you think the guy has to make the plans?

 

Because it's attractive for men to be leaders and assertive.

 

Back to the OP, this is why I preach so often in the forums that guys need to have all the details worked out for the date prior to making it. Take the lead.

 

Since you seem to have more requirements than the average person regarding this, I think you need to make it known you have special preferences. If not, expect this to keep happening and it will just be random that your date will know what it is you want without you telling them.

 

I don't think the OP has any special preferences--I think she just wants a guy to find the enormous inner strength required to do something as complicated as planning a date and employing a bit of common sense in doing so.

[pl3asehelp]

Because it's attractive for men to be leaders and assertive.

 

Back to the OP, this is why I preach so often in the forums that guys need to have all the details worked out for the date prior to making it. Take the lead.

 

 

 

I don't think the OP has any special preferences--I think she just wants a guy to find the enormous inner strength required to do something as complicated as planning a date and employing a bit of common sense in doing so.

 

I've never met anyone who expected me to plan all of their social outings - to me that's a special preference. I don't think it takes enormous inner strength, it's just work - just like cleaning the toilet or taking out the trash. I think it's unfair and unrealistic to expect one person in a relationship to be responsible for this work based solely on their gender. I would actually find it incredibly rude if someone planned a date without including me so I would certainly never treat someone else that way. If I picked places based on my preferences, we'd be eating eyeball tacos from a flea market, so I'd rather run that one by a first date instead of assume that's something they'd enjoy.

[lalalollipops]

^ lol he was being sarcastic about the inner strength .

[rask]

Because it's attractive for men to be leaders and assertive.

 

Back to the OP, this is why I preach so often in the forums that guys need to have all the details worked out for the date prior to making it. Take the lead.

 

 

 

I don't think the OP has any special preferences--I think she just wants a guy to find the enormous inner strength required to do something as complicated as planning a date and employing a bit of common sense in doing so.

 

To a certain point, it's attracted if men take initiative, but it's also nice when women do it. I would be really pissed after a while if my boyfriend planned every outing.

 

If she isn't giving these men enough to go on about what she would like to do (which it sounds like she isn't, since they wander around all the time) it's just as much her fault as theirs. The guys I've dated, most of them want me to pick out first dates because they want to do something I enjoy, not force something they want to do on me.

[superfan]

I think these days guys are terrified of suggesting locations, lest they somehow fail to "meet the expectations" of their date. It ends up working against them however, as it makes you appear wishy washy and indecisive.

 

I don't REQUIRE a date to choose a location, but I would be seriously put off by it if I was the one always suggesting the date options/activities. It's no different than being in a marriage and constantly having to plan your vacations/social events because your husband "doesn't care what we do".

 

To the guys: THERE IS NO HARM IN MAKING A SUGGESTION!!!! You might suggest a restaurant she doesn't like, or an activity she does not want to do, and if that is the case, she will probably TELL YOU and you can decide something else. If you suggest something though it makes it appear that you have lots of outside interests and are capable of making decisions which is very sexy.

 

It doesn't take much, just a simple "Yeah I'd like to go out - how about we meet at such and such a restaurant for dinner?"

[allcity]

Ha ha! Yeah I've gotta agree with the OP on this one. Guys that set up a date with no plan should fully expect to crash and burn. Unfair? Maybe. But hey, is it really that difficult to just pick a cool place and take her there? You win, she wins. Simple. Is having to be a romantic and decisive man every now and then really the end of the world?

 

And if she doesn't like the place, then you can just laugh about it and you get to see if she rolls with the punches and appreciates the effort, or she turns into a moody princess. Great way to find out up front just how high maintenance she's gonna end up being down the line

 

Then when you're happily in a relationship, you can say "I always pick the place. Tonight you can take me on a date" and just have fun with it.

[Greatone99]

"I know of a great restaurant down on 38th street, let's go there and you can tell me what you think..."

[camus154]

I've never met anyone who expected me to plan all of their social outings - to me that's a special preference. I don't think it takes enormous inner strength, it's just work - just like cleaning the toilet or taking out the trash. I think it's unfair and unrealistic to expect one person in a relationship to be responsible for this work based solely on their gender.

 

I read the OP to mean planning the first date or so, not every single date for the length of a relationship. I don't think it's too much to ask the man to take charge when it comes to planning that first date. Sure, we can go with the new age of equalizing the sexes in every conceivable way, but that's not going to change the fact that it's unattractive to play the "I don't know, what would YOU like to do" card.

[IAmFCA]

Ha ha! Yeah I've gotta agree with the OP on this one. Guys that set up a date with no plan should fully expect to crash and burn. Unfair? Maybe. But hey, is it really that difficult to just pick a cool place and take her there? You win, she wins. Simple.

 

THIS IS SO TRUE

 

And I would expect to bear the same responsibility if I were to do the asking. Really impressive? When I ask, I plan, and he has researched a Plan B anyway. LOVE THAT.

[pl3asehelp]

I read the OP to mean planning the first date or so, not every single date for the length of a relationship. I don't think it's too much to ask the man to take charge when it comes to planning that first date. Sure, we can go with the new age of equalizing the sexes in every conceivable way, but that's not going to change the fact that it's unattractive to play the "I don't know, what would YOU like to do" card.

 

She's already playing that card by expecting him to plan the date. Just as unattractive in a female - seems spineless and or lazy.

[pl3asehelp]

Ha ha! Yeah I've gotta agree with the OP on this one. Guys that set up a date with no plan should fully expect to crash and burn. Unfair? Maybe. But hey, is it really that difficult to just pick a cool place and take her there? You win, she wins. Simple. Is having to be a romantic and decisive man really the end of the world?

 

Is it that difficult for a woman to pick a cool place? Is having to be a romantic and decisive female the end of the world? Women that expect men to do this should just as likely expect to crash and burn if they don't want to contribute.

[lalalollipops]

He asked HER out, so why shouldn't he have some idea on where they are going?

I mean it's not asking for much you know, expecting a guy who asks you out to know how he wants to spend his time with you.

[Greatone99]

He asked HER out, so why shouldn't he have some idea on where they are going?

I mean it's not asking for much you know, expecting a guy who asks you out to know how he wants to spend his time with you.

 

I agree with this. Most women won't care where you go, so you're pretty much safe suggesting your favorite place so at least you'll enjoy the food if she turns out to be a dud.

[HeatherB]

If he's asking her out and is paying, as is traditional, he decides. Extra points for asking about her general preferences when first making the date.

 

What happens later is completely different. She eventually can and should plan and pick up the slack.

 

OP, if a guy's first offer is disappointing, there's nothing wrong with turning it down and asking for what you want instead. Just counter his offer to meet at the church by telling him you'd rather meet somewhere warm and inside, preferably with food. Then ask what he would recommend. If he needs more time to make plans, give it to him. It's not like you're at his mercy if he mistakenly picks a place you don't want to go.

[Sirenia]

To clarify, as Camus154 correctly said, I was really only talking about FIRST dates (maybe second) but not for the whole duration of the relationship!

 

And for the record I have NO problem planning anything. I've been planning things since I was a kid.. I'm a born "leader" type. But even in this day and age yes, women (mostly) still prefer that the men do the asking out, calling, organising, etc.

 

The problem with me planning the location is that I haven't been here all that long and as I said, I don't eat out much so I have no idea where to go anyway so even if he asks where I'd like to go I have not much of an idea where is a good place (that also happens to be nearby).. if that makes sense?

 

No, there is no mall nearby and it will be rather late when we meet anyway so the shops will be closed.

 

He did not ask me where I'd like to go or what I like doing etc. I'm guessing he'll ask me in person when I get there?

[DN]

A lot of guys have read too many advice columns where the woman is told to avoid going into a coffee shop, restaurant or whatever in case they don't like the look of the guy when they meet up and have to go through with the date.

 

If you want to go somewhere specific then ask him, you don't have to be so passive.

[rask]

Then maybe you need to send him a message and tell him something about how you're new to the area, don't know many places, and if he has a restaurant or specific place he'd like to go, you'd be more than happy to go as well. Nothing wrong with that, tells him you want him to take initiative and also lets him know that you don't really know of many places so you're no help when he asks where you want to go.

[Sirenia]

I don't think the OP has any special preferences--I think she just wants a guy to find the enormous inner strength required to do something as complicated as planning a date and employing a bit of common sense in doing so.

 

Well said!

[camus154]

He asked HER out, so why shouldn't he have some idea on where they are going?

I mean it's not asking for much you know, expecting a guy who asks you out to know how he wants to spend his time with you.

 

But when you're in this new age of arbitrary gender equalization, it IS asking too much for the man to grow a pair and decide. That's an unnecessary burden on him. It's close to being sexist.

 

In this new era, all sides must be equally decisive. Imagine how much fun this will be:

 

HIM: "Let's go out on Friday. You pick the time."

HER: "8 o'clock. You pick the activity."

HIM: "Dinner and a movie. That counts as two decisions, so you pick where and what movie."

HER: "Zack's Italian and 'The Notebook.'"

HIM: " 'The Notebook' isn't exactly my genre of movie--if I were old-fashioned I'd call it a chick flick, but of course such a thing doesn't exist anymore. So next time we see a movie, it should be more fitting to my tastes."

HER: "I'd recommend 'The Expendables II', but that would be gender-stereotyping and that's almost as bad as being called a racist, so I'll leave the choice up to you."

HIM: "But that's unfair and an unnecessary burden on me. I can't possibly make this choice by myself. Let's reconvene to decide what the next movie will be later."

HER: "Ok. You name the time and I'll pick the place...."

[Slimpee]

I'm not reading three pages before offering my opinion

 

For the first date at least the guy should have several ideas in mind. "Would you like to get a drink?" "Sure" "Ok, how is Sweet Place With A Great Vibe (aka not Applebees) at 8pm?". If she says she doesn't like the place or something (which she won't) have a few more ideas/places up your sleeve.

 

Bottom line: A man has a plan.

 

After the first few dates I think it'd be fun for the girl to plan something

[LoveSoDeep]

I agree witht he OP I liek the guy to pick the location onthe first date.

 

1. He asked me (b/c I never ask guys out I'm a big chicken!)

2. He asked me so he will most likely be paying and I don't want to unknowingly pick something out of his comfort zone price wise

3. I find it very attractive when guys takes the more assertive leader role.

 

I'm not saying I won't plan future dates but the first one yes...he can plan away and if he wants my input I'll give it or if he gives me a couple choices and asks me to pick one I'm okay with that. Honestly I wouldn't agree to a date where they say let's meet at this landmark and decide from there...You're just asking for it if you do that so I would insist we can meet there but we need a plan for where to go after we both arrive.

[allcity]

Is it that difficult for a woman to pick a cool place?

 

Of course not. But every woman I've dated has found it very attractive and exciting to be 'taken' on a date, rather than have to guide the date themselves. And to be honest, many other times I've been asked out by the woman and then she's guided the date. Whoever asks for the date should guide the date in my opinion, unless you both want to have fun planning where you want to go together. That's cool too.

 

If meeting your date on the night and saying "so where shall we go then?" is working for you, then all power to you my man. As for me I've found that many of the old gentlemanly things to do have been working very well for me, so I'm not about to argue with nature by telling women what things 'should' be like, rather than just going with the flow of how they mostly are. You can't tell someone what they should find attractive. It is what it is.