Going into NC - Did my text ruin things.

[CutieGirl]

He broke up about a week ago. He had been unsure about breaking up all the way up to the day he actually did break things off. He said he just didn't feel like he could be the man I needed, so without a fight I accepted the break-up. I don't think he saw it coming, but I was tired of trying to baby him all the time. I think he was shocked when I didn't beg him to stay but even more shocked that I just gave him a box with all his belongings and all the gifts he ever gave me and walked away. The thing I'm concerned about is is that the next day I sent him a text letting him know I understand that because he's been feeling depressed and extra fatigued lately, he might not have been thinking straight about things and that he should get the rest he needs to see clearly what will make him happy going forward. I told him that he shouldn't forget that I am still the friend that triuly loves him, is praying for him and is concerned about him so if he needs me I'm there and finally I told him, take care of yourself.

 

I have no intentions of reaching out to him anymore. I'm just sent the text because I know he's been going through a lot and I was concerned about his mental state.

 

My question is will the text I sent after being so aloof make him think he has nothing to worry about and he can just come back whenever?

[maggieMAE]

I'm not sure. Maybe? I don't know his character, so do you think he'd take advantage of it?

 

I personally wouldn't take it that way, but everyone is different. Since it's not combined with multiple reiterations and begging, I don't think you have to worry about it. Your NC will show you aren't desperate and hopefully he will get the message.

[DN]

You should proceed based on what he does or does not do, not on guesses about how he might be thinking and feeling.

[CutieGirl]

Honestly, I don't know what he's gonna think about it. Obviously he hasn't been thinking right lately. He's going through a depression that's why I sent it but now I almost regret sending it - coming from a man that professed he loved me the night before he broke things off, he sure hasn't stopped to texted and see about me. I just need him to wake up and see since he was confused to begin with it probably was a mistake to end it like that.

[Tom1990]

I know if I was a guy, and a girl sent me that, I'd think she was queen awesome of the universe. Saying it's ok for me to go into my mancave, then leaving me alone to my manthoughts? Wow, yes please.

 

But that's just me. DN is right; you can't guess what he's going through or thinking. He's out of your life for now. As long as it didn't hurt you to send it, then all is well. (And of course it's up to you if you let it hurt you.)

[Loveandlost]

Your text didnt ruin things. He ruined things when he broke up with you. It doesnt matter what you did in reaction to it, what ruined things was him not you.

 

You dont need him to wake up and see anything. What you need is for you to go on living your life without him. If he decides he wants you in his life he needs to make the effort, not you.

[camus154]

I just need him to wake up and see since he was confused to begin with it probably was a mistake to end it like that.

 

This is why you sent that text--not because you're worried about his mental state, but because you disagree with him breaking up with you and you think he needs to reconsider things.

 

That's entirely up to him. So as DN stated, the only thing you can really do is watch for how he responds (or doesn't respond). Until then, you can only accept the fact that you're broken up.

[CutieGirl]

This is why you sent that text--not because you're worried about his mental state, but because you disagree with him breaking up with you and you think he needs to reconsider things.

 

That's entirely up to him. So as DN stated, the only thing you can really do is watch for how he responds (or doesn't respond). Until then, you can only accept the fact that you're broken up.

 

Just to clarify: Accepting the break-up without a word and giving him all his crap and every gift he ever gave me was my attempt to make him wake up, but it was a friend that counsels depressed people that caused me to stop and send the text. I had absolutely no intentions of doing it until she told me what he might be going through.

[DN]

You are assuming the he needs to 'wake-up' as if he doesn't know what he is doing. I think that is an error on your part.

[CutieGirl]

You are assuming the he needs to 'wake-up' as if he doesn't know what he is doing. I think that is an error on your part.

 

Well? When broke up with me he said, he "didn't know why he was feeling this way". Sounds like he was a littled confused wouldn't you think?

 

All I know is I was damn GOOD to him! I loved him unashamedly and treated him like a king! I told him EVERY chance I could how much he meant to me, how much I appreciated him and how proud I was of him. I supported him the very best I could and tried not to ask for anything more than his commitment to make things work. But because he was feeling depressed and inadequate he was totally falling apart and that's where he needed to wake up. I WAS his primary emotional support and he threw me away. He didn't rely on friends because he didn't have any, and he wasn't close to his family. His life was centered around work and spending time with me.

 

So yeah, he I believe, very humbly, that he needed to get "clear" on some things.

[DN]

Well? When broke up with me he said, he "didn't know why he was feeling this way". Sounds like he was a littled confused wouldn't you think?

Not necessarily Sometimes people know that they don't want to be in relationship but either don't know why or can't articulate it.

 

But again you are assuming that he 'needs' to do something but in fact he doesn't. You might need him to but that is a different issue. Your best bet is to assume he means what he says about the relationship being over and move on.