Possibly breaking off a long distance relationship?

[Cassie]

Hey guys, I need some advice. I've been in a relationship with a guy for a month now, but I feel he is pushing things too far too quickly. I would like an opportunity to sit down and talk with him about my feelings and my concerns in this area. He lives two hours from me, and usually I drive down to see him every weekend. But if I want to end things, I would prefer to do this in person instead of another cheesy method. My dilemma is whether it's worth it though. If things go really badly, I may end up driving down there, only to get in my car and drive back home. If I stay, things might become extremely awkward. I dunno what to do, so any advice is appreciated.

 

I've talked with this guy about my concerns once before, and he accuses me of constantly wanting to regress in our relationship. I just dont understand why he needs things to be so heavy and serious after only being romantically involved a few short weeks. I'm kind of at a loss for what to do.

[Leslii]

Cassie,

If it has only been a few weeks this is not good. A person who wants a relationship so quickly is usually very insecure. It should be even more alarming that you have discussed this with him and he is not responding

to your concerns. I have been around a long time and have dated many men. It is in my experience that men who want a relationship very quickly usually end up being controlling. I have friends who say the same thing. Being too pushy should be a red flag for you and I know you see it so please be careful. He is probably very emotionally needy and will try

to make you feel guilty when you want to call it quits.

There is no reason you can't break-up with him over the phone. It has only been a few weeks. It is not cheesy at all. It is not like you have a long history together or anything. A phone call is more than appropriate.

It will get the job done just as well as driving 2 hours to do it????

[lillady898]

I agree. Is the gas you'll be paying worth it? Probably not for someone who is trying to take control over you. 2 hours? In some cars, that could be a good 20 bucks or more for there and back (maybe that's just my guzzler). That'd be a pretty expensive breakup if you ask me.

[Cassie]

All right. I was kinda thinking along the same lines, I just didn't want to take a cowardly way out. But I can see the distance between us changes the situation quite a bit. I'll keep you guys posted on the outcome, wish me luck with this!

[Lily04]

Hey Cassie,

 

I'm sorta in a similar situation, except we've been dating for 4 months & he's now in another country and I want to break it off. I couldn't believe how accurate Leslii's response was though -- I feel that he is emotionally needy & insecure. And I also feel he's being a bit controlling..well perhaps not 'controlling' per se, but very jealous/insecure. Like he asks who I'm hanging out with & then when I mention a name (of someone he even knows, his friend) he's like 'oh, so you like __ now eh?' I'm actually very worried though because of this..I know he's going to be devastated, but it will probably make him even more insecure and needy. Also, he has some 'kinky' pictures of us together and I'm afraid he might threaten to put them on the 'net or show them to friends if I don't stay with him. I never saw this side of him before, but now that we're doing long-distance he seems very nervous about everything & keeps suspecting that I'm cheating on him. But if he does by any chance distribute said pictures, I will probably have to threaten legal action. I do NOT want my reputation hurt in any way for professional reasons, not only personal (I'm applying to law school next year..) If anything gets around, I will be absolutely furious. If it gets to this point, I will post a message asking for opinions, but hopefully it won't be necessary.

[Leslii]

Lily04,

It is obvious that you are scared to leave him, the more reason to leave him. If he is holding something over your head then he is a scary man.

You didn't say he would do this but you suspect it and that could very well happen. So you see it happening. Run girl!!! This guy is bad news. It sounds like you will have a bad break-up but don't let that stop you. The sooner the better, especially if he is gone now. Let him get over it while

he is away. His anger won't be so strong when he gets back because he will have had a little time to deal with it. I know you didn't ask for a follow up but I just wanted to say a couple of things.

Oh yeah and if you have to get legal help for your pictures then do it. If you can't get them back it still better than being with him. The controversy will go away and your pictures will end up being old news.

Good Luck

[Lily04]

Thanks,

 

I appreciate your opinion..I didn't even think of the pictures, but now with the way he's been acting (more & more jealous and insecure about me cheating) I have a feeling if he gets desperate enough he might just threaten to do it. I know it's not going to be a pretty breakup. He's going to try to get me back for a while, it will probably be a shock to him, and he'll reassure me that he's coming back for Christmas and is planning to move back here next year (he said this in his last e-mail..sudden change of plans..) but I really don't want to keep dragging this on. I am going to try to make it as gentle for him as possible, and he has been a good boyfriend while we dated, but it's becoming obvious that he is not handling the distance well.

 

I just hope things won't be too rough..if so as I said, I will post & ask for advice. He's 23 yrs old, I'd expect that he would have a little more maturity than this, but I am his first girlfriend..I just hope he'll be able to move on & realize that there's others out there..