What would you do in this situation..

[Sean1740]

My head is spinning, I'm confused.. I play on a ice hockey team and have for about 5 years now. We have a guy on our team, who 6 years younger then my self and I am 29, he has a girlfriend and I am single. A few times after the games some of our team goes back to another couples house to have a few drinks. This girl and I have a lot in common and I we have a ton of fun together, laughing, she is also 6 years younger then myself

 

Last friday I had to many drinks at the ice rink so she said she would drive my car to the house we were going to, she asked her boyfriend if he was coming with us but optioned to get a ride with someone else, which I thought was weird. So she has to stop at her house to get her drinks. Well she says come in for the tour of the house, so I said what the heck ok. So all is cool, we didnt do anything. Well we get to the house that were having drinks at and her boyfriends like why did you have to stop at the house, and she explained just to get her drinks. Later that night we are kind of flirting a lot and her boyfriend was over on the couch, didn't see us much but he didn't look happy. He didn't even come up to her at all and see how she was doing he kind of just sat on the couch the whole time.. She told me he wasn't mad but he looked mad. She told me on the way to her house that she didn't think her boyfriend knew what he wanted and later that night she tells me she is sacred of hurting feelings, assuming she ment him.

 

Today I get a text from her asking how my day was etc.. I am not saying she likes me, but all these signs, I think she has a thing for me. Seams like no matter what I post on facebook she likes or comments, not that this means anything. The thing that kills me is, we get along so good and can laugh so much and we have a ton in common. But the screwed up thing is she has a boyfriend and hes on my team. It hurts me because I like her but on the other end of the stick it would be so uncomfortable for me if we ever dated.

 

Any suggestions. We just texted each other for about 2 hours and she explained a lot how she feels, about life in general and how she's is on the fence with him. To me this is weird if she's willing to share this or she needed someone to talk to and I am that shoulder. I am not putting her on a pedestal, but I really enjoy talking with her. I don't know i am confused. Its one of those things when you see someone and its hard to control your feelings, especially when you get along so good.

[Clio]

It sounds like they are having problems in their relationship and that she is looking for a way out. Some people are so insecure/whatever that they cannot be on their own so they try to find/have a replacement ligned up BEFORE they break up with the previous one. What YOU need to have in mind in such a situation:

-What you see her doing to him is how she will also treat you if you two break up. This is likely how she breaks up in general given the chance.

-You could be the rebound guy.

-You will most likely be thrown in a lot of drama and people in your team will probably cast you as one of the bad guys.

-You would be doing to another what most people would not want done to them. Do you really want to be a part of this?

-Past behavior is indicative of future behavior. What you are seeing is how she handles relationship conflict and how she is likely to treat you if you two hit a rocky patch.

-I understand that you are flattered but i think that this is more about her being insecure/afraid to be alone than how great you are.

I understand full well how nice it is to receive all that attention from someone pretty and interesting when you are single. At the end of the day though, how compatible are your core values if you feel uneasy seeing her treating her boyfriend like that?

Since you ask for suggestions, I would distance myself and stay out of this...

[lilylilylily]

She's young, she likes you and so she is 'on the fence' with her current guy because she's excited by the idea of dating you.

 

It's kind of dangerous territory really. She has her eyes set on you, in my opinion. And you'll only end up looking like the bad guy especially if you're the one who is 'talking to her for hours about it'... maybe you should try letting her think about it on her own / not consult your advice on this subject, because it only implicates you if she dumps her boyfriend.

 

However clearly she's young / and she's giving you attention now... but it can be gone the next day.