I feel messed up

[niki]

Hi everyone!!

 

I have a kinda weird problem thats recently getting me down, I'm 22 years old, and still single never really had a girlfriend I realize the problem is with me but really don't know how to go about it.

 

Thing is I'm not very good a socializing at all, its now getting so bad i'm starting to find it hard to talk to my close m8s my intrests R so different from everyone I know.

 

part of the problem is I so scared of getting involed with a girl cuz i always think I'm not good enough for anyone, and I lneed to much space.

 

I feel a little depressed lately it seems now my m8s r all getting married and engaged, and I'm left on my own.

 

The other thing is I don't like this growing up thing, I live very much in the past I live for my music and guitar but its all stuff from the late 80s and luv watching old late 80s films. it all seems much happier and more exciting back then so i live by that but it carn't healthy.

 

I really don't know watch wrong with me.

maybe someone may have a few sugjestions to help figure it out a bit

[TheIceman]

 

I really don't know watch wrong with me.

 

 

Well first of all im sure there is nothing wrong with you. The fact that you are into late 80s things doesnt mean there is something wrong with you. Why do you think shops still sell like Elvis albums etc (which is even earlier than when youre talkin about). They wouldnt sell these items if it was considered 'wrong' to listen to them.

 

As for the girlfriend thing, like you sed, you are not the most sociable person so just make that extra bit of effort to go out to bars etc and staret speaking to people, at first invite your m8s out for a drink, youll feel more confident if you are with people you know. But just go out and see who you meet, theres bound to be some girl that you see that you like, and all you have to do is talk to her and see where it goes from there. (easier sed than done, i know, but its not impossible)

[talo]

I really don't know watch wrong with me.

 

You really do! Niki. You know you are afraid.

You really know exactly what (you want) to do; and you are not doing it.

 

The idea is to be afraid and do it!

Until you do it, fear stays, and it becomes regret.

By doing it, fear goes.

 

Doing it does not mean doing it perfectly.

Doing it means making mistakes; mistake after mistake; a life full of mistakes.

 

There is nothing wrong with making mistakes. Mistakes are fun. Well... maybe not so much fun when doing them; but then who knows they are mistakes when doing them.

 

So how about going and making a few mistakes. You'll find us all out there doing the same thing. It's something we all have in common.

 

And at the end of the day, who defines a mistake?

[Celadon]

Nice post, Talo.

 

Niki, I identify with you. I've always been a late bloomer. When other girls were getting into guys, I was too shy. I didn't have a single date till I was 17! When I think about it, the date itself was pretty hilarious. My next date wasn't for another year and a half!!

 

But I digress ...

 

We are all learning to trust ourselves. You sound like you know what you already like, but you are afraid (as Talo was saying) to grow. What *else* might you enjoy, find interesting, or want to participate in in this life? Who knows unless you try it out!

 

I'm in the same boat as you. But we all have the same amount of time in the day. We need to set aside some time to try out new things -- maybe socializing with new people, or setting a little goal to be more open and friendly.

 

Try to build yourself up. You love music, you probably know a whole lot about the 80s. You're not a failure! Everyone knows about different stuff. If you have a positive attitude, you'll find it easier to grow and take risks. Please don't talk yourself down. If nothing else, it's impractical. Your life is not a test of your worth. You're already worth something. Now go and do something with it!

[Rattlehead]

a lot of your situations rings true for me

I'm nearly 20 years old and i understand exactly what its like and i wish i had the answers for you but im fighting to find them myself

 

the few friends that i have really dont share the interests i have and im not good at going aout and finding new people(extremely shy and quiet) so i just stick to myself most of the time, sit in my room playing guitar in the dark

 

its probably not a healthy thing but i dont know what else to do

I'm lost and have no idea

[All_alone]

Hi Rattlehead & Niki,

 

I know exactly how you feel. I'm now 25, single and haven't had a girl friend. I'm kinda reserved and quite although I don't know that I would go so far as to say shy(well maybe a little).

 

I think the key for me was identifying my weaknesses. In your case you say your shy. I was similar, so I made a concerted effort to get out a little and extend myself just a little. In my case I started to do some volunteer work. This resulted in me getting involved in the community and eventually gradually extending myself each time. Doing volunteeting was a really good start for me. It resulted in me having to speak to a small group of about 10 people. Obviously it allows you to meet new people and practice your skills and build confidence.

 

My second big break was my job. I was always petrified of the telephone. I don't know why; but my job required me doing telephone support. Now I was freaked when i had my first call. But it gradually got easier and easier to now it doesn't bother me.

 

My third break is travel. Next week I'm off to the US. I wouldn't have ever considered going by myself this time last year. But I was retrenched and I figure this is another great opportunity to extend myself, meet new people. Don't get me wrong I'm a little nervous but you need to look at the bigger picture - and think about your little goals/weaknesses.

 

I don't know if you are like me but I also think you need to go in with an open mind. Don't overthink things to much, don't over analyise. This is what I do constantly. But it's slowly improving. You what she gonna say if you ask her out, and I going to make an idiot out of myself if she doesn't like me blah blah.. Get the point?

 

Another idea would be to do a course of some sort. It doesn't matter to much what it is but have a vague interest in it. I started a law course this year, it allows you to meet more people and wowee were there some lookers there! Okay I didn't get any numbers of chat anyone up, but that's something I'm working on.

 

Things won't change overnight, but they will gradually. But you have to decided that you want to change things, and you need to have an idea of where to start.

 

Best thing to do is write down a list of how you would like things to be different. Mine is/was something like this(in no particular order) -:

 

1. Girlfriend

2. Develope more friends

3. Develope a better Idea of who I am

4. Develope a better idea of what i want to do for a living(hence the course).

 

If you are anything like me you will probably find that alot of the list are related in some way. So you'll find that working on one is actually working on all them in some way.

 

And like someone else has mentioned earlier, don't be scared to make mistakes or make a fool out of yourself. If you don't make mistakes you aren't going to learn anything - and hence your not going to progress forward. Also making a fool out of yourself is good too...i think it will tell you who your friends really are.

 

Once you have decided that you don't want to be where your are currently, then make a list and start working. Be patient though it will take some time. I'll be the first to admit that it can get a little frustrating when things aren't progressing as fast as you want. To help with this you may like to see some kind of counselor(mm that doesn't look like the write spelling). That might be now or it maybe some time down the track Sometimes things make more sense when they are echoed by someone else. And sometimes they can give you some great suggestions.

 

HTH

 

Stewart

 

P.S Sorry about the long post