My story comes to an end

[Mix Maxster]

Hey everyone,

 

Well for those who have been following my posts in the past, I hate to inform you but it would seem my fairytale of love is now over. As of today my ex has taken the liberty to both block AND delete me from her MSN. Something she has never done to date.

 

Thing is I need to do a lot of growing up all the same because an adult should handle things more maturely than I have. As much as I've been growing since the break-up I know that there are aspects that still need fixing. The funny thing is I thought I would be crushed or hurt or in a state frantically trying to apologize or get back what I had with her, but then I thought why? Why do it? She's one girl, just one girl out of many. Why put her on an imaginary pedastal that other women can never measure up to? Why do it? ESPECIALLY when I do it with a girl who wants nothing to do with me. Why?

 

I at one point thought that getting back my ex was my life, that it was my mission and goal to do it. That by turning into a real man, she would come back in my arms wanting to be together again because she believed in love like I did. I felt that if I could JUST be her friend that I could somehow weasel my way back in. That JUST MAYBE if she saw me changing on the inside and saw how I learned from my mistakes that just MAYBE we'd get back together. Then I realized how wrong THAT was and switched my thought from manipulating situations to letting things come as they did. That if ALL I ever got out of a friendship with her was a friendship, that I would treasure it because I felt I owed it to her.

 

The only problem in ALL of it was that I still loved her and being her friend was actually my way of trying to hold on to her in a different way. Being able to hang out with her and be with her as IF we were dating seemed to make it all the better.

 

The thing is, I came to realize that tricks don't work and that rarely ANYTHING works, getting them back isn't something that happens to most of us and most of us are left sitting here still thinking it can happen. Sure it can happen, but at what cost? At what point do you put rational and logical thought into reality? When it suits you best? When all else fails?

 

It's unfortunate that things came down to it, but I know it's for the best. Hell as much as a huge part of me feels I'm good for her another part sees things through her eyes and knows why it can't work. The thing is, it doesn't matter in the end does it? Love is possible in every person, but it just depends on how well it does or doesn't work with them and also the work required to keep it going.

 

People can so easily take something so special to one and take it away for their own selfish glory. Someone else can come along and take away your life like it was nothing. It always amazes me the extent of human selfishness. How they remove all logical thought into what they're doing simply to better themselves. Not caring who they step on in the process JUST so long as THEIR needs are being met. Nothing is to be saved or kept because something new is right around the corner.

 

In life I've learned that everything so far is irrelevant, that it doesn't matter who you are and where you go in life. Whether you die at 10, 20 or 80. Whether you die a hobo or die rich. Where you go in life is irrelevant and so is the thought of loving someone else. Hope is another piece of human creation unworthy of existence. Pretty rough, depressing stuff I know, but I'm not so cynical as you may think as a good quote from this show with Dennis Leary I was watching last night said it best, when he asked a Reverend WHY he believes in religion, faith and hope, his response was "Because in the end, it's all we have."

[ayekasong]

Hey there, I'm sorry you're going through all of this pain right now. Sometimes life throws us into a very dark and rough patch.

 

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Everything happens for a reason. Humans can be very selfish creatures, but I hope someday you will find a relationship that does not tear you apart.

[Foz]

The thing is, I came to realize that tricks don't work and that rarely ANYTHING works, getting them back isn't something that happens to most of us and most of us are left sitting here still thinking it can happen.

 

People can so easily take something so special to one and take it away for their own selfish glory. Someone else can come along and take away your life like it was nothing. It always amazes me the extent of human selfishness. How they remove all logical thought into what they're doing simply to better themselves. Not caring who they step on in the process JUST so long as THEIR needs are being met. Nothing is to be saved or kept because something new is right around the corner.

 

This is exactly how i feel at the moment. Ive rarely heard success stories about them coming back, they left because they wanted to and because they dont want us in their lives anymore and they are doing what makes them happy. It doesnt matter how we feel, they are happy-it is selfish.

We still think the world of them and want them back and we are wasting our time. They are gone and we are not important to them anymore..

I feel for you, im carrying around that pain too.

[cassiana]

Heres a true story.

 

Once upon a time a girl (me) wanted to a certain job. She needed to pass 8 exams to get it. She worked really really really hard but one of those subjects (higher mathematice} made no sense to her. She studied hard and even scrimped together for extra tuition to get that exam. On the day the results came out she did fantastically. One of the best results ever in the college. Seven A's but she failed the 8th subject. While others celebrated lesser results she cried her heart out. All that mattered was that job and it didnt matter that she did brilliantly, she would never get that job.

So she went another route and after four years of university wnet out on work experience. She found she couldn't handle this other job at all and had wasted four years of her life at it. After qualifying she spent a year working at it and was severely depressed. Though not religious she went into an empty church and made a pact. I will give it one more year.

The next year an opportunity came to do the same job in a different company. She loved it and got good at it and is very happy in yet another company.

 

Now im so glad i failed that 8th exam.

That job would never have been as good as this one even though that they I thought my world is over.

I hope that one day I will feel the same way about some man.

 

I hope this story can give you comfort. I hope that one day as you hug some great girl, you will think, Thank God I got dumped or I would never have been this happy.

[shyanne]

how do you know she wants nothing to do with you. i'm sorry i haven't read any of your other stuff but i'm a girl who had just done the same thing she did. it's not because i wanted to and it hurt to do so but i felt like he didn't want me. maybe it's not only her needs not being met, maybe she is no longer in love and hasn't been for some time. you should try and talk to her again because real love can be hard to find.

[Mix Maxster]

Well see I stopped caring and stopped trying to control what was out of my hands. I normally would not want to be pessimistic, but I think with this I know when to lay down and accept it.

 

I don't think it would matter trying to talk to her again because I honestly think this time she wants NOTHING to do with me. I obviously said some stupid things, but don't worry anyone about me being hard on myself. I think I can judge when it's good to pin something on myself ESPECIALLY when NOT doing so is the easy mans out. You're never inclined to DO or FIX anything by putting blame everywhere else and you're nothing but a complainer if ALL YOU DO is whine or admit faults and NEVER DO ANYTHING to fix them. See the difference?

 

But yes it had been going on for a good long while and yet out of it all I'm still not upset. Something great did come out of it and oddly enough it will benefit the next woman, but not the one who deserved it most

As she was the one who opened my eyes to a lot of things and I have her to thank for a lot of things going good in my life. My general attitude and perception have changed and I no longer have days where I felt alone when I was with her. Things ARE better and I've had a greater respect for women in general now after the fact, this time I'm making the changes because I had been disrespectful and it was obvious I wasn't making the right moves with her.

 

I still think that greatness came out of this and I'm grateful for ever knowing my ex and being with her at all. I say that a lot but it's true. I don't know where i'd be without her influence, eventhough I did a lot to mess it up I still think that somewhere in that heart of hers she still cares but is to upset with me to say anything. Heck anyone as hurt as her would know how to keep it in. She did it for so long anyways. I still am happy for her though, I just hope she gets the best of what she deserves and that she gets very far. I'd hate to see her give up on her dreams, just how it must have felt for her when she saw me giving up on mine.

[fantasia2004]

Sounds like you have matured greatly during this year.

[cassiana]

there are a few people in my life I have cut off contact with. I hate none of them, i'm indifferent to none of them. I don't contact them because I cared for them deeply and they hurt me badly. When I cut off contact I mourned them like a death. There was a period of about a year with each if they would just have genuinely apologised for the horrible things they did I could have worked with it. But no, they thought that if they waited long enough I would cool down. They abandoned me when I was in pain and now its too late and im doing better without them.

That was my reaction. Obviously I don't know if your ex is the same.

[fantasia2004]

We must never depend on others for our happiness only on ourselves. My ex told me this.

 

there are a few people in my life I have cut off contact with. I hate none of them, i'm indifferent to none of them. I don't contact them because I cared for them deeply and they hurt me badly. When I cut off contact I mourned them like a death. There was a period of about a year with each if they would just have genuinely apologised for the horrible things they did I could have worked with it. But no, they thought that if they waited long enough I would cool down. They abandoned me when I was in pain and now its too late and im doing better without them.

That was my reaction. Obviously I don't know if your ex is the same

.

 

Of course I did the same thing

[girl0096]

i feel for you. and i am here too.